A young Hebrew sister coming to terms with many things! What a joy THIS blog is to read!!

My Israelite Journey

This topic was definitely on my heart so I have to present what I have went through and learned about it. Before I was “saved” I used to say, I wanted to be the “number only” girl. Not the #1 girl because that meant there was a #2 somewhere so I wanted to be the only one. I went into the Christian church and my marriage with the same mentality. Then I started following this Israelite way and Pastor Dowell began his “teachings” or introduction of the true Israelite heritage way and addressing the polygamy life style of our fore fathers. This hit me hard at first. Not because of the doctrine, because I could not argue, nor did I try to, with the scripture, but it was a personal battle that I had to endure and understand. At first, I did not understand why this was so hard for…

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Our businesses have us parents (mommies and daddy) working almost around the clock — my co works at the store most days, and I work from home for my husband’s company. Before the summer came, I was still trying to homeschool AND do the work the company required, but I became overwhelmed. My husband’s suggestion was to let the children have summer break — “Other kids break for the summer; they can, too.” So we did that. Now summer’s done for public school children, but I still have the same workload I had before.
But today, I just had enough. I MISS MY KIDS. I miss educating them, I miss talking to them about fundamental things. This summer we’ve had a blurb here and there — we’re an education-on-demand kind of family, so if a child asks an educational question, we stop everything, look it up, and discuss it. But I miss having that carved out time to our day.
So I forced myself to carve out some time — even though I was stopping to take phone calls, work on spreadsheets, and send and receive important emails. I was happy to find that the remembered pretty much everything from where we left off — that made ME happy, it means to ME at least that I’m doing a good job.
You want to open a business in order to generate income to make it easier for your family, you want to open a business in order to give you more time with your family, you want to open a business in order to leave a legacy of some sort to your children — but that business has to be BUILT.
My sister in law is coming on board to assist with husband’s company — that will free me up slightly but it will probably be another month after she comes on before she is acclimated and I can fully step away from the portion she’ll be taking over. I expect that. But after THAT, I expect to be able to give homeschooling more time — we can unschool, and that’s okay, but I’ve never wanted to fully unschool. I believe little structuring and guidance is needed.

That’s all I wanted. We’re so very busy around here! *I* think we’re pretty much a blended family. We’re getting there. Nobody’s perfect around here! But we’re striving to become one unit. That requires patience on one part, and discipline on the other. It also requires us to WANT for that to happen.

She (my co-wife/sister-wife) is probably my best friend right now. I have my best friends but we’re all so busy and our lives aren’t exactly looking the same these days, so we don’t talk often, although we love each other very much. But she and I are living the same life, pretty much, everything we have and everything we are is intertwined, because we are loving the same husband.
She’s actually under the weather today (VERY — she threw up a few times this morning and NO IT’S NOT MORNING SICKNESS, it’s a bug because the kids have all had some form of it in the last couple of weeks). I’m not a doter, I’m not a helicopter type of person, but I’m trying to make sure she’s hydrated, and make sure she’s okay to go to the store. She went to the store, but I was willing to go, AND take my laptop with me to work from there, if I needed to.

Okay it took me all day to type this up because I’m so busy so let me get back to it! I gotta find out the dates for Yom Teruah and Yom Kippur!! I hope I’m not too late…

Blessings!

…YES. I have one. Okay? I have one. I’ve had a co for nearly 5 months now. (A co = co-wife. Sister-wife)
But guess what? We learned ALOT from the last situation. So we’ve tried to keep things on the hush for a while and  WE ARE STILL KEEPING THINGS ON HUSH. So you won’t get TOO much about who she is, and what’s going on right now. NOT RIGHT NOW!
We’re busy. We’re all happy. It’s a RELATIONSHIP and as you KNOW relationships aren’t perfect. But I think  we’re all comfortable for the most part.
We’re still building an empire over here. My husband’s business is up and running and successful, and the store does alright for itself. We want to grow and are growing.
We want to move, we want/need a larger house. We are NOT fancy people; we are NOT into these new houses and having a big ass house with all this room inside of it and not enough people. That’s not us AT ALL. But our house could be larger. Our children (we both have children) are constantly growing and so our family is about to grow out of this house.
We love this house and we don’t ever plan to have to sell it. We’ll lease it and always keep it.
We need a slightly larger house, and we want land. We want to farm on a small scale, and have chickens and goats. Maybe another German shepherd or two; they’re great dogs.
We want to become more self-sufficient. Not trying to completely go off the grid.
…the ONLY reason I haven’t left FB yet is because social media is a great way to advertise my store. I think we’re all ready to leave, though. I don’t want anything to do with it and I don’t want my children to grow into it, either.
We get along famously, it’s always a laugh to be had in this house.  We had a big old above-ground pool for the summer and while we adults barely get time with it, it’s upkeep is waay more than we thought it would be. We must all be involved in the pool maintenance. Boo boo boo. I don’t want more stuff on my plate, lol. But the children, when they’re interested, they love it.  And when we get our time with it, we enjoy it, too.
We like to go riding. We went to Joppy, Texas!! Look up Joppy when you get a chance; it’s a real interesting history of an unincorporated city within an incorporated city!! We went to Joppy, pulled up at a church, got out, and crossed a barrier and walked out along what we found out later was a part of the Trinity River. We love Joppy. (It’s spelled Joppa if you look for it but that’s not how the locals pronounce it)
We drove through a very old very big and very beautiful cemetery. We’ll have to go back.
I’m busy all the time so this was my moment to talk.

…it’s been a while.
Life is CRAZY sometimes, you know?
So — let’s move on. Blah blah blah, been busy with the store, and my husband’s business is up and running and is largely successful.

But I wanted to talk prepping, because this weekend we’ve been following the prepping videos put together by “The Obsidian Media Network” on Youtube (The Voice of the Everyday Brother). We were specifically interested in the videos where the subject was the sister. The videos were deep in their opinion and ideals and were ultimately a proper assessment of the state of black women today in relation to prepping.

So I may have said it before — we prep. For years there, we were prepping at a high level. When we opened the store we slowed down because it took up our time and other resources.

We were “prepping on a budget” — meaning first I bought a bulk-load of stuff, and then after that, I kept it to a little of this, a little of that, tacked on to my grocery budget. I’d try to get canned meats and canned vegetables, seasonings, dry goods, water, water purification methods, medial supplies, etc. I’ve become adept at it, thanks to the books I’ve read and the videos I’ve watched (Youtube University lol LEARN ALL THINGS lol).

Our children have grown up in a prepping household. They know how to help when it comes time to check preps — to go through it all and assess what may need to be replaced or whether or not we need to buy more or double of a thing. As they get older, they help mommy and they kind of enjoy it.

We have guns. There was a time when we’d happily go shoot them — that was our date night, then go eat or something. Even now if I’m bored or thinking, I may practice loading my clips (I have small, narrow fingers, little woman hands and so some clips, it’s hard for me to load; it’s something I have to work on and so that’s something I can work on while I’m figuring out my next business move — it’s mindless hand-busying practice. It’s perfect). Our eldest was taken shooting. She has a rifle, she knows how to load it, and how to aim and shoot with it. As the others come of age, we will do the same with them.

At one point we REALLY wanted a boat and we just wanted to live on that boat? And we’re not talking about a lake boat — we’re talking about an ocean-based boat, here.
So we’d read all that interested us about boating and ocean living.
We came across an article in a magazine about a NYC couple who bought a boat, and started sailing the world and the lessons THEY learned.
The main lesson they learned was the NEED for each other. When they were living in the city with it’s modern life and whatnot, there was a want to be together but not necessarily the NEED for each other. When they got out there on the ocean, they found that they needed each other and really, they needed each other in traditional, male-female roles. Eventually they got to calling what had to be done on and around the boat, “blue tasks” and “pink tasks” — that’s how evident it was to them that there was a need for men to do men things and there was a need for women to do women things and how the two complimented each other.

When you’re living on a boat, it seemed to us that you are in survivalist mode. Imagine — this is NOT a cruise ship where other people are maintaining the ship and making sure you get what you want and need, with tons of room and amenities.
This boat may be 50′ long. You and your partner are the crew. You have to fix something if it breaks. You and your partner have to procure and prepare the food. You and your partner have to keep things clean. If someone gets sick, one of you will have to either take care of the person or you will have to take over the other person’s tasks. There will be no one to call out to when it’s just y’all out there. No neighbor to depend on.

This is kind of how we live our lives, after reading that article. It made us realize that we are a team here, and we needed to act like one. If anything happens — and studies show that 40% of Americans will find themselves in some dire, SHTF situation like a flood, or tornado, earthquake, or some man-made tragedy — we need to be as self-sufficient and self-sustaining as the family on that boat.

It’s part of prepping, to learn to be that way.
You MUST find people you can depend on.

…that’s all I wanted to say today. Maybe I’ll say more on prepping another time.

loy·al
ˈloi(ə)l/
adjective
  1. giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.
    “he remained loyal to the government”
    synonyms: faithful, true, devoted
loy·al·ty
ˈloiəltē/
noun
  1. the quality of being loyal to someone or something.
    “her loyalty to her husband of 34 years”

…and in all I said in my last post, I left out an important ingredient: Loyalty.
It doesn’t  matter what you look like, what you believe, how smart you are, how productive you are, etc — if you don’t have loyalty it doesn’t mean anything.
Now — me, as an individual, I expect people to have loyalty to me — friends, family, teammates — I EXPECT that. And I’m extremely disappointed when I don’t find it. If I let you in to Me and My Mentally-kept Inner Circle, and you are not loyal — you’re kicked out. I may eventually let you back in. But it takes some time.
If you hurt one of my CLOSE friends, I’m gonna be ANGRY at you and I’m going to protect my friend from you and defend her from your attacks.
As a family unit, we’re big on loyalty. We love the loyal, and are loyal in return. There’s that meme that’s going around that’s deciphering jealousy from territorial — we’re territorial with our loyalty.We don’t care WHAT’s going on between us and you — if someone goes after you or does something to you, we’re gonna defend against it.
I don’t play that about “My People”. My besties and I may be arguing (we’re not lol — but for example), but come after them lol I’ma be on you.
So yes. If you want to come this way, please bring your loyalty and please expect us to be loyal to you and protective of you, no matter WHAT is going on.
…just wanted to say that…

It’s been a while! Hello!! How are you? I pray that you are well!
We’ve been BUSY! I’m busy right now – I’ve been meaning to blog since early this morning, and it’s nearly 2:30pm.
It’s all business-work, family-work, etc.
Anyway – I found something I wanted to talk about, so I’m here. This may take me all day to type up! But I’m going to do it.
We aren’t FULLY looking for a sister-wife. But I wanted to make a list of preferences that we’d want IN a sister-wife, should we start actively looking. (situations fall in our laps whether we’re looking or not)
EVERYTHING on the list are things that I pretty much already am – it’d just be great if someone else was ALSO these things. Basically – I’m not asking you to do anything I don’t do, or I can’t do. I’m already doing everything. We do NOT want a 80-20 situation – where one woman is 80% everything and the other one is only 20% everything. If I’m 80% everything, you need to be 80% everything, too. You don’t HAVE to necessarily be proficient in every area where I am also proficient. If you’re better at math than I am, so be it. I’m OKAY with math (like, fair at math *scrunches up nose*). But if you’re great at math, that’s good. But we need to both clean at the same proficiency or better, and we need to be at around the same level of focus on business (or better!).
You have to be pro-homeschooling, whether you have kids or not. You have to be pro-home cooking – it’s really hard when you’re not down for home-cooking all the time and people are always cooking at home. You have to be able to cook, too. You have to be into helping to generate an income – that means sharing the work with us in our businesses. If you have a business, we’ll share the work with yours as well, if you prefer that.
You should be into hair – we own a beauty supply store!😮 If you’re willing to LEARN about hair, hey – I could talk hair for hours.
We’d prefer you to be Hebrew or Hebrew-ish. You have to observe the dietary laws in the Bible. You have to observe the feasts or be open to it. We don’t celebrate Christmas or Easter, or Halloween, for that matter.
The max on the kids is 3, I think. It’s negotiable, I suppose. And if you are unable to have children, that’s fine, too. What we’re AGAINST is baby-daddy drama.
Physically – you have to be of African descent (meaning African-American, Caribbean/West-Indian, Afro-Latino, African-European, or actually FROM Africa). We lean toward slim-athletic. Height-weight proportionate. We are slim-athletic in build – him more than me, because I’ve had 3 babies and I’m a woman in my 30s. A figure is something he likes. Skin tone is not an issue. Hair texture/length etc is not an issue. Facial features are not an issue – if he finds you attractive then, hey. We work out on occasion. We COULD work out more, and that’s the plan, is to work out MORE. We eat vegetables and fruits just about every day. Neither of us are overweight (I’m just over the weight *I* like to be).
You notice I don’t say “healthy”. I mean what people consider healthy is relative. We drink coffee. We drink alcohol. But we drink A LOT of water. And we don’t buy soda in the house (or oreos).
We are survivalist/preppers. You have to be on that vibe, too.
You should have or get a passport. We travel and when we travel we tend to leave the country. The plan is to move out of the country eventually. So we hope you’ll be willing to do that, too.
We know that women have their personal plans and goals as human adults. Conversations need to be had.  We’re not chasing big houses or fancy cars – we’re facing legacy, security, freedom and peace. (I don’t personally intend to have a house larger than 3500 sq ft, no matter how much money I have. It’s like the opposite of claustrophobia with me! Large spaces scare me if there aren’t people in them. I’d have to have a large house full of family and friends for me to be comfortable.)

I am not catty and rarely petty, ESPECIALLY with people I live with! I say good morning when I wake up, and good night before I go to bed.
We’re not looking for a maid or a baby sitter (we’re talking about hiring a maid anyway). We’re looking for another PARTNER. As I said, I’m already doing all these things and the only intention I have when we get another wife, is to scoot over so she can have space at the desk and continue to work toward goals, lol.
If it all sounds impossible to you (while I’m over here DOING all of this), then we’re not the family for you. If it sounds do-able, then perhaps. At that point it’s about how people vibe with each other.

I’ve been through so much since my last entry it’s not even funny. I’ve been robbed, lol, I’ve shot at people, lol, I’ve forged business relationships and broken off others. I’ve just been really busy.

I’m not talking to many people. What’s the point? People don’t understand; not many people I know actually know how difficult these things are, and how it is all time-consuming, LIFE-consuming stuff.
And really I don’t have time to put toward talking about it, anyway.
I’m spending THAT time, here — writing in my blog.
The hope is to have security and peace, and to secure a legacy for our children. So it’s WORTH it at the end of the day.

I am tired all the time, and I’m always trying to put out an optimal level of energy — so right now I’m on B-12 chews, and another energy-inducing, metabolic vitamin for women.
I just want to be up in the day, with enough energy to do the things I need to do, and to be efficient enough to go home and go to bed. That’s all I want.

…Took me an hour to write this.

Sometimes in polygyny you hear of the initial couple having a “fail-safe” of sorts, where, should any feelings change about this lifestyle at some point in the future, they will revert back to their monogamous relationship. The fail-safe is made due to the fact that the couple in question is knowingly getting into uncharted territory, and are unsure as to whether or not they’ll like it once they get in it — so they are attmepting to reserve the right to stop it and revert to monogamy simply based on if polygyny becomes emotionally stressful on them.
Sometimes this reversion happens when the couple is about to add or has added another wife to the family. This fail-safe, when enacted, has the potential to leave the subsequent wives/wives-to-be SOL. It doesn’t hinge on whether or not the subsequent wife has done anything wrong — it hinges on the feelings and desires of the initial COUPLE (which isn’t always based on reason and logic). This fail-safe indicates that the relationship between the husband and the initial wife is the most important, and that the relationships between the husband and any other subsequent wives is less important.

“Couple’s privilege” is something the polygynous world has yet to define. Polyamory/Non-monogamy/open-relationships have already established this as a “thing” that is in existence in some situations.

Let’s look at the definition from “those people” (lol) and convert it to relate to us polygynous folk, shall we?
Because it’s here, already. Whether explicit or implicit — it’s already here and for some of us seeking polygynous relationships, it is an active part of these relationships.

This is the base definition from this blogger “Solopoly.net” — Couple’s Privilege is “The presumption that socially sanctioned pair-bond relationships involving only two people (such as marriage, long-term boyfriend/girlfriend, or other forms of conventional intimate/life partnerships) are inherently more important, “real” and valid than other types of intimate, romantic or sexual relationships.” (http://solopoly.net/2013/02/05/couple-privilege-having-it-doesnt-necessarily-make-you-an-asshole-but-it-can/)

… “couple’s privilege” runs rampant in our “first-generation polygyny” community. Those of us that were not raised around polygyny, but are accepting of it or want it for ourselves, see this exhibited in our circles all the time — women who thought they were wives are kicked out because the first wife as pulled out her couple’s privilege card at some point during the family’s polygynous journey, and the husband has responded and has asked the other wives leave. Or a sister is being courted seriously by the husband in a family, then the husband cuts it off because — no matter how he likes her — the existing wife has pulled out her card, woman-be-damned.
And OFTEN, the existing wife doesn’t feel WRONG, the husband doesn’t check her in her wrongness, and a wife/potential wife is left out there like — what happened, who did it, and why.
Subsequent wives/potentials are expected to UNDERSTAND why this would happen, and are made to feel as if they are in the wrong for feeling hurt and betrayed (OFTEN by a man who’d said he LOVED her…).

The existing wife sometimes uses this privilege as leverage in the selecting of other wives, using it as a tool that allows HER to decide which woman she’s going to “let” into “her” family.
What she’s actually doing is leveraging someone ELSE’S marriage, whereas her own was never done like that — no one was there to successfully change the husband’s mind on the existing wife’s marriage to him, based on “feelings” and “emotions”.

How, then, can the incoming women be sure that this will never happen to them? Can she ask if the couple has this fail-safe in the deck for a J.I.C. (just in case) situation BEFORE she gets in deep with them? And will the couple be HONEST about having such a thing?
Because to have that sort of agreement does not benefit an incoming wife and her security in HER relationship with this man, or her position in the family, AT ALL.
It’s unfair. Subsequent wives/potentials are asked to consider the existing wife’s stance, when the other woman’s/women’s stance needs to be considered as well.
It’s like everyone initially seems kind and good and loving and selfless —
— until the situation gets a little uncomfortable —
— then people find they aren’t so kind.
They are not so selfless.

This should be discussed! Is it EVER a good thing?

"Hm...now that he's all up on her, I'm a tad uncomfortable...ah-heh..."

“Hm…now that he’s all up on her, I’m a tad uncomfortable…ah-heh…”

‘I Would Never…Go Back to Being a Monogamous Wife’
Polygamous women speak out in defense of their lifestyle.

In April 2000, the authors contacted more than 700 plural wives, asking them about their experience. They were promised anonymity because it is against the law and currently being prosecuted in Utah. Within six weeks, they received more than 100 responses. The comments were reprinted, organized according to the age of the respondent. Here is one from RS, a woman between 41 and 50 years old.

“I would never ever, worlds without end, even if I could control all events, willingly go back to being a monogamous wife. Even if I were to discount the possibility of eternal blessings, the blessings I enjoy here in this sphere are enough to cause me to become a she-bear when someone threatens them.

“As the only wife of a good man, I had a good marriage. We got along well, and our children were emotionally healthy. But at times I felt an unspoken demand to be all things to my husband: a great cook, an organized housekeeper, an inspired home-schooler and an individual who kept up with current events, pursued her talents, never fatigued, always remembered details, kept the family social calendar, emptied the mending and ironing baskets daily, never overspent, looked appealing at all times and looked forward anxiously for the moment he walked in the door. I tried to be all things, and my husband told me constantly that I was loved and appreciated. But I worried privately that my lapses stood out more vividly than my achievements.

“After a second wife entered the family, I saw my husband’s eyes full of new respect and approval as he looked at me. This approval came NOT from my willingness to let him have another wife, but from his deepened comprehension of who I was as a woman, what strengths and gifts I had that were not an automatic part of simply being female genetically but were uniquely mine. Suddenly, I was seen as I had always wanted to be seen.

“Our relationship improved in other ways. Simultaneously with the second marriage, we had to revamp the way we spent our time together. I couldn’t be more cheerful tomorrow after a good night’s sleep because tomorrow he’d be elsewhere. He could’t vegetate in front of the TV tonight and spend time with the kids tomorrow because tomorrow there would be different kids. We couldn’t make tomorrow special as we were too busy today, since tomorrow wouldn’t be there for us. So we instantly found ourselves putting aside less important things to make time for the more important.

“Then there were the nights he was gone. At first I felt socially embarrassed trying to make new friends and having a “single’s” social life; but as I did, I found myself feeling more connected to all of God’s people on this earth than I ever had. I found that I hadn’t become a part-time wife, I had become a full-time human being.

“For years I prayed to know true joy, to have my marriage become the one I had dreamed of in my youth, and to understand myself and my place here among humanity. I would never have believed, had someone told me, that all my answered prayers would be wrapped up in one gift called plural marriage, but indeed they were. When I hear threats of our way of life being driven out of existence, the grief twists inside me. Please, please, don’t try to take away the thing that has made my life whole!

“I have no confidence that were I to be my husband’s only wife again, that the lessons learned here in plural marriage could successfully be applied in a monogamous relationship. I have the marriage of my dreams (No, that’s not true because I have never dreamed it would be this good) and two sweetheart sister wives who are my best friends and who sacrifice so that I might have happiness. So, my friend, this is no pretense. This principle is my happiness.”

Read more at: ‘I Would Never…Go Back to Being a Monogamous Wife’

Biblically based discussion on polygamy!

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