…YES. I have one. Okay? I have one. I’ve had a co for nearly 5 months now. (A co = co-wife. Sister-wife)
But guess what? We learned ALOT from the last situation. So we’ve tried to keep things on the hush for a while and WE ARE STILL KEEPING THINGS ON HUSH. So you won’t get TOO much about who she is, and what’s going on right now. NOT RIGHT NOW!
We’re busy. We’re all happy. It’s a RELATIONSHIP and as you KNOW relationships aren’t perfect. But I think we’re all comfortable for the most part.
We’re still building an empire over here. My husband’s business is up and running and successful, and the store does alright for itself. We want to grow and are growing.
We want to move, we want/need a larger house. We are NOT fancy people; we are NOT into these new houses and having a big ass house with all this room inside of it and not enough people. That’s not us AT ALL. But our house could be larger. Our children (we both have children) are constantly growing and so our family is about to grow out of this house.
We love this house and we don’t ever plan to have to sell it. We’ll lease it and always keep it.
We need a slightly larger house, and we want land. We want to farm on a small scale, and have chickens and goats. Maybe another German shepherd or two; they’re great dogs.
We want to become more self-sufficient. Not trying to completely go off the grid.
…the ONLY reason I haven’t left FB yet is because social media is a great way to advertise my store. I think we’re all ready to leave, though. I don’t want anything to do with it and I don’t want my children to grow into it, either.
We get along famously, it’s always a laugh to be had in this house. We had a big old above-ground pool for the summer and while we adults barely get time with it, it’s upkeep is waay more than we thought it would be. We must all be involved in the pool maintenance. Boo boo boo. I don’t want more stuff on my plate, lol. But the children, when they’re interested, they love it. And when we get our time with it, we enjoy it, too.
We like to go riding. We went to Joppy, Texas!! Look up Joppy when you get a chance; it’s a real interesting history of an unincorporated city within an incorporated city!! We went to Joppy, pulled up at a church, got out, and crossed a barrier and walked out along what we found out later was a part of the Trinity River. We love Joppy. (It’s spelled Joppa if you look for it but that’s not how the locals pronounce it)
We drove through a very old very big and very beautiful cemetery. We’ll have to go back.
I’m busy all the time so this was my moment to talk.
…it’s been a while.
Life is CRAZY sometimes, you know?
So — let’s move on. Blah blah blah, been busy with the store, and my husband’s business is up and running and is largely successful.
But I wanted to talk prepping, because this weekend we’ve been following the prepping videos put together by “The Obsidian Media Network” on Youtube (The Voice of the Everyday Brother). We were specifically interested in the videos where the subject was the sister. The videos were deep in their opinion and ideals and were ultimately a proper assessment of the state of black women today in relation to prepping.
So I may have said it before — we prep. For years there, we were prepping at a high level. When we opened the store we slowed down because it took up our time and other resources.
We were “prepping on a budget” — meaning first I bought a bulk-load of stuff, and then after that, I kept it to a little of this, a little of that, tacked on to my grocery budget. I’d try to get canned meats and canned vegetables, seasonings, dry goods, water, water purification methods, medial supplies, etc. I’ve become adept at it, thanks to the books I’ve read and the videos I’ve watched (Youtube University lol LEARN ALL THINGS lol).
Our children have grown up in a prepping household. They know how to help when it comes time to check preps — to go through it all and assess what may need to be replaced or whether or not we need to buy more or double of a thing. As they get older, they help mommy and they kind of enjoy it.
We have guns. There was a time when we’d happily go shoot them — that was our date night, then go eat or something. Even now if I’m bored or thinking, I may practice loading my clips (I have small, narrow fingers, little woman hands and so some clips, it’s hard for me to load; it’s something I have to work on and so that’s something I can work on while I’m figuring out my next business move — it’s mindless hand-busying practice. It’s perfect). Our eldest was taken shooting. She has a rifle, she knows how to load it, and how to aim and shoot with it. As the others come of age, we will do the same with them.
At one point we REALLY wanted a boat and we just wanted to live on that boat? And we’re not talking about a lake boat — we’re talking about an ocean-based boat, here.
So we’d read all that interested us about boating and ocean living.
We came across an article in a magazine about a NYC couple who bought a boat, and started sailing the world and the lessons THEY learned.
The main lesson they learned was the NEED for each other. When they were living in the city with it’s modern life and whatnot, there was a want to be together but not necessarily the NEED for each other. When they got out there on the ocean, they found that they needed each other and really, they needed each other in traditional, male-female roles. Eventually they got to calling what had to be done on and around the boat, “blue tasks” and “pink tasks” — that’s how evident it was to them that there was a need for men to do men things and there was a need for women to do women things and how the two complimented each other.
When you’re living on a boat, it seemed to us that you are in survivalist mode. Imagine — this is NOT a cruise ship where other people are maintaining the ship and making sure you get what you want and need, with tons of room and amenities.
This boat may be 50′ long. You and your partner are the crew. You have to fix something if it breaks. You and your partner have to procure and prepare the food. You and your partner have to keep things clean. If someone gets sick, one of you will have to either take care of the person or you will have to take over the other person’s tasks. There will be no one to call out to when it’s just y’all out there. No neighbor to depend on.
This is kind of how we live our lives, after reading that article. It made us realize that we are a team here, and we needed to act like one. If anything happens — and studies show that 40% of Americans will find themselves in some dire, SHTF situation like a flood, or tornado, earthquake, or some man-made tragedy — we need to be as self-sufficient and self-sustaining as the family on that boat.
It’s part of prepping, to learn to be that way.
You MUST find people you can depend on.
…that’s all I wanted to say today. Maybe I’ll say more on prepping another time.
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the quality of being loyal to someone or something.“her loyalty to her husband of 34 years”
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a strong feeling of support or allegiance.plural noun: loyalties“fights with in-laws are distressing because they cause divided loyalties“
synonyms: allegiance, faithfulness, obedience, adherence, homage, devotion
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…and in all I said in my last post, I left out an important ingredient: Loyalty.
It doesn’t matter what you look like, what you believe, how smart you are, how productive you are, etc — if you don’t have loyalty it doesn’t mean anything.
Now — me, as an individual, I expect people to have loyalty to me — friends, family, teammates — I EXPECT that. And I’m extremely disappointed when I don’t find it. If I let you in to Me and My Mentally-kept Inner Circle, and you are not loyal — you’re kicked out. I may eventually let you back in. But it takes some time.
If you hurt one of my CLOSE friends, I’m gonna be ANGRY at you and I’m going to protect my friend from you and defend her from your attacks.
As a family unit, we’re big on loyalty. We love the loyal, and are loyal in return. There’s that meme that’s going around that’s deciphering jealousy from territorial — we’re territorial with our loyalty.We don’t care WHAT’s going on between us and you — if someone goes after you or does something to you, we’re gonna defend against it.
I don’t play that about “My People”. My besties and I may be arguing (we’re not lol — but for example), but come after them lol I’ma be on you.
So yes. If you want to come this way, please bring your loyalty and please expect us to be loyal to you and protective of you, no matter WHAT is going on.
…just wanted to say that…
It’s been a while! Hello!! How are you? I pray that you are well!
We’ve been BUSY! I’m busy right now – I’ve been meaning to blog since early this morning, and it’s nearly 2:30pm.
It’s all business-work, family-work, etc.
Anyway – I found something I wanted to talk about, so I’m here. This may take me all day to type up! But I’m going to do it.
We aren’t FULLY looking for a sister-wife. But I wanted to make a list of preferences that we’d want IN a sister-wife, should we start actively looking. (situations fall in our laps whether we’re looking or not)
EVERYTHING on the list are things that I pretty much already am – it’d just be great if someone else was ALSO these things. Basically – I’m not asking you to do anything I don’t do, or I can’t do. I’m already doing everything. We do NOT want a 80-20 situation – where one woman is 80% everything and the other one is only 20% everything. If I’m 80% everything, you need to be 80% everything, too. You don’t HAVE to necessarily be proficient in every area where I am also proficient. If you’re better at math than I am, so be it. I’m OKAY with math (like, fair at math *scrunches up nose*). But if you’re great at math, that’s good. But we need to both clean at the same proficiency or better, and we need to be at around the same level of focus on business (or better!).
You have to be pro-homeschooling, whether you have kids or not. You have to be pro-home cooking – it’s really hard when you’re not down for home-cooking all the time and people are always cooking at home. You have to be able to cook, too. You have to be into helping to generate an income – that means sharing the work with us in our businesses. If you have a business, we’ll share the work with yours as well, if you prefer that.
You should be into hair – we own a beauty supply store! 😮 If you’re willing to LEARN about hair, hey – I could talk hair for hours.
We’d prefer you to be Hebrew or Hebrew-ish. You have to observe the dietary laws in the Bible. You have to observe the feasts or be open to it. We don’t celebrate Christmas or Easter, or Halloween, for that matter.
The max on the kids is 3, I think. It’s negotiable, I suppose. And if you are unable to have children, that’s fine, too. What we’re AGAINST is baby-daddy drama.
Physically – you have to be of African descent (meaning African-American, Caribbean/West-Indian, Afro-Latino, African-European, or actually FROM Africa). We lean toward slim-athletic. Height-weight proportionate. We are slim-athletic in build – him more than me, because I’ve had 3 babies and I’m a woman in my 30s. A figure is something he likes. Skin tone is not an issue. Hair texture/length etc is not an issue. Facial features are not an issue – if he finds you attractive then, hey. We work out on occasion. We COULD work out more, and that’s the plan, is to work out MORE. We eat vegetables and fruits just about every day. Neither of us are overweight (I’m just over the weight *I* like to be).
You notice I don’t say “healthy”. I mean what people consider healthy is relative. We drink coffee. We drink alcohol. But we drink A LOT of water. And we don’t buy soda in the house (or oreos).
We are survivalist/preppers. You have to be on that vibe, too.
You should have or get a passport. We travel and when we travel we tend to leave the country. The plan is to move out of the country eventually. So we hope you’ll be willing to do that, too.
We know that women have their personal plans and goals as human adults. Conversations need to be had. We’re not chasing big houses or fancy cars – we’re facing legacy, security, freedom and peace. (I don’t personally intend to have a house larger than 3500 sq ft, no matter how much money I have. It’s like the opposite of claustrophobia with me! Large spaces scare me if there aren’t people in them. I’d have to have a large house full of family and friends for me to be comfortable.)
I am not catty and rarely petty, ESPECIALLY with people I live with! I say good morning when I wake up, and good night before I go to bed.
We’re not looking for a maid or a baby sitter (we’re talking about hiring a maid anyway). We’re looking for another PARTNER. As I said, I’m already doing all these things and the only intention I have when we get another wife, is to scoot over so she can have space at the desk and continue to work toward goals, lol.
If it all sounds impossible to you (while I’m over here DOING all of this), then we’re not the family for you. If it sounds do-able, then perhaps. At that point it’s about how people vibe with each other.
I’ve been through so much since my last entry it’s not even funny. I’ve been robbed, lol, I’ve shot at people, lol, I’ve forged business relationships and broken off others. I’ve just been really busy.
I’m not talking to many people. What’s the point? People don’t understand; not many people I know actually know how difficult these things are, and how it is all time-consuming, LIFE-consuming stuff.
And really I don’t have time to put toward talking about it, anyway.
I’m spending THAT time, here — writing in my blog.
The hope is to have security and peace, and to secure a legacy for our children. So it’s WORTH it at the end of the day.
I am tired all the time, and I’m always trying to put out an optimal level of energy — so right now I’m on B-12 chews, and another energy-inducing, metabolic vitamin for women.
I just want to be up in the day, with enough energy to do the things I need to do, and to be efficient enough to go home and go to bed. That’s all I want.
…Took me an hour to write this.
Sometimes in polygyny you hear of the initial couple having a “fail-safe” of sorts, where, should any feelings change about this lifestyle at some point in the future, they will revert back to their monogamous relationship. The fail-safe is made due to the fact that the couple in question is knowingly getting into uncharted territory, and are unsure as to whether or not they’ll like it once they get in it — so they are attmepting to reserve the right to stop it and revert to monogamy simply based on if polygyny becomes emotionally stressful on them.
Sometimes this reversion happens when the couple is about to add or has added another wife to the family. This fail-safe, when enacted, has the potential to leave the subsequent wives/wives-to-be SOL. It doesn’t hinge on whether or not the subsequent wife has done anything wrong — it hinges on the feelings and desires of the initial COUPLE (which isn’t always based on reason and logic). This fail-safe indicates that the relationship between the husband and the initial wife is the most important, and that the relationships between the husband and any other subsequent wives is less important.
“Couple’s privilege” is something the polygynous world has yet to define. Polyamory/Non-monogamy/open-relationships have already established this as a “thing” that is in existence in some situations.
Let’s look at the definition from “those people” (lol) and convert it to relate to us polygynous folk, shall we?
Because it’s here, already. Whether explicit or implicit — it’s already here and for some of us seeking polygynous relationships, it is an active part of these relationships.
This is the base definition from this blogger “Solopoly.net” — Couple’s Privilege is “The presumption that socially sanctioned pair-bond relationships involving only two people (such as marriage, long-term boyfriend/girlfriend, or other forms of conventional intimate/life partnerships) are inherently more important, “real” and valid than other types of intimate, romantic or sexual relationships.” (http://solopoly.net/2013/02/05/couple-privilege-having-it-doesnt-necessarily-make-you-an-asshole-but-it-can/)
… “couple’s privilege” runs rampant in our “first-generation polygyny” community. Those of us that were not raised around polygyny, but are accepting of it or want it for ourselves, see this exhibited in our circles all the time — women who thought they were wives are kicked out because the first wife as pulled out her couple’s privilege card at some point during the family’s polygynous journey, and the husband has responded and has asked the other wives leave. Or a sister is being courted seriously by the husband in a family, then the husband cuts it off because — no matter how he likes her — the existing wife has pulled out her card, woman-be-damned.
And OFTEN, the existing wife doesn’t feel WRONG, the husband doesn’t check her in her wrongness, and a wife/potential wife is left out there like — what happened, who did it, and why.
Subsequent wives/potentials are expected to UNDERSTAND why this would happen, and are made to feel as if they are in the wrong for feeling hurt and betrayed (OFTEN by a man who’d said he LOVED her…).
The existing wife sometimes uses this privilege as leverage in the selecting of other wives, using it as a tool that allows HER to decide which woman she’s going to “let” into “her” family.
What she’s actually doing is leveraging someone ELSE’S marriage, whereas her own was never done like that — no one was there to successfully change the husband’s mind on the existing wife’s marriage to him, based on “feelings” and “emotions”.
How, then, can the incoming women be sure that this will never happen to them? Can she ask if the couple has this fail-safe in the deck for a J.I.C. (just in case) situation BEFORE she gets in deep with them? And will the couple be HONEST about having such a thing?
Because to have that sort of agreement does not benefit an incoming wife and her security in HER relationship with this man, or her position in the family, AT ALL.
It’s unfair. Subsequent wives/potentials are asked to consider the existing wife’s stance, when the other woman’s/women’s stance needs to be considered as well.
It’s like everyone initially seems kind and good and loving and selfless —
— until the situation gets a little uncomfortable —
— then people find they aren’t so kind.
They are not so selfless.
This should be discussed! Is it EVER a good thing?
“Hm…now that he’s all up on her, I’m a tad uncomfortable…ah-heh…”
‘I Would Never…Go Back to Being a Monogamous Wife’
Polygamous women speak out in defense of their lifestyle.
In April 2000, the authors contacted more than 700 plural wives, asking them about their experience. They were promised anonymity because it is against the law and currently being prosecuted in Utah. Within six weeks, they received more than 100 responses. The comments were reprinted, organized according to the age of the respondent. Here is one from RS, a woman between 41 and 50 years old.
“I would never ever, worlds without end, even if I could control all events, willingly go back to being a monogamous wife. Even if I were to discount the possibility of eternal blessings, the blessings I enjoy here in this sphere are enough to cause me to become a she-bear when someone threatens them.
“As the only wife of a good man, I had a good marriage. We got along well, and our children were emotionally healthy. But at times I felt an unspoken demand to be all things to my husband: a great cook, an organized housekeeper, an inspired home-schooler and an individual who kept up with current events, pursued her talents, never fatigued, always remembered details, kept the family social calendar, emptied the mending and ironing baskets daily, never overspent, looked appealing at all times and looked forward anxiously for the moment he walked in the door. I tried to be all things, and my husband told me constantly that I was loved and appreciated. But I worried privately that my lapses stood out more vividly than my achievements.
“After a second wife entered the family, I saw my husband’s eyes full of new respect and approval as he looked at me. This approval came NOT from my willingness to let him have another wife, but from his deepened comprehension of who I was as a woman, what strengths and gifts I had that were not an automatic part of simply being female genetically but were uniquely mine. Suddenly, I was seen as I had always wanted to be seen.
“Our relationship improved in other ways. Simultaneously with the second marriage, we had to revamp the way we spent our time together. I couldn’t be more cheerful tomorrow after a good night’s sleep because tomorrow he’d be elsewhere. He could’t vegetate in front of the TV tonight and spend time with the kids tomorrow because tomorrow there would be different kids. We couldn’t make tomorrow special as we were too busy today, since tomorrow wouldn’t be there for us. So we instantly found ourselves putting aside less important things to make time for the more important.
“Then there were the nights he was gone. At first I felt socially embarrassed trying to make new friends and having a “single’s” social life; but as I did, I found myself feeling more connected to all of God’s people on this earth than I ever had. I found that I hadn’t become a part-time wife, I had become a full-time human being.
“For years I prayed to know true joy, to have my marriage become the one I had dreamed of in my youth, and to understand myself and my place here among humanity. I would never have believed, had someone told me, that all my answered prayers would be wrapped up in one gift called plural marriage, but indeed they were. When I hear threats of our way of life being driven out of existence, the grief twists inside me. Please, please, don’t try to take away the thing that has made my life whole!
“I have no confidence that were I to be my husband’s only wife again, that the lessons learned here in plural marriage could successfully be applied in a monogamous relationship. I have the marriage of my dreams (No, that’s not true because I have never dreamed it would be this good) and two sweetheart sister wives who are my best friends and who sacrifice so that I might have happiness. So, my friend, this is no pretense. This principle is my happiness.”
Read more at: ‘I Would Never…Go Back to Being a Monogamous Wife’
Biblically based discussion on polygamy!
I’ve been watching ‘The Last Alaskans’ on Animal Planet (just yesterday and early this morning. I couldn’t sleep and ‘Alaska’ is where I ended up). And while I don’t like the cold AT ALL, I envy their remote, pretty-much off-the-grid lifestyle.
Then I asked myself WHY — why does that appeal to me, to be out there, trying to live off the land and working as hard as they do to sustain their life forces and their way of life?
Shouldn’t I want a huge, comfy mansion with large rooms and all the modern amenities? Doesn’t that make more sense for me to want?
I looked at our life — our family. I even look at our extended family members. I then recognized something about us.
We’re kind of introverted.
Not fully shy — I mean, *I’m* shy, and my aunties on my mother’s side are shy women and so am I, I just swallow my shyness and do or say what needs to be done or said. But hiding myself from the world is something that just comes naturally. I WANT to hide. I don’t want to be SEEN. I want to be left ALONE, for the most part. But the way my personality is set up, I don’t often get to fully be that way. Even back in school, I was a little more popular than I realized. Everybody either knew me or knew OF me. It’s because I was always debating teachers, always standing up to bullies (while my HS bestie ended up being the biggest bully in school).
But the only organization I chose to join in school was the gospel choir, and I led a song ONE TIME, out of the many opportunities. It was known that I could sing because we’d have singing battles at lunch time (girls vs boys and we had singing groups READY, boy, we’d practice and all that and have a crowd of people). But I refused to lead any more songs — I only led that song because the girl who did happened to be sick that ONE time. The director was so mad at me…
So I’m shy.
We don’t know our neighbors and they don’t know us. But my parents were the same way! When we moved over to Red Bird (a middle-class, older neighborhood in Oak Cliff), my parents didn’t go out of their way to meet the neighbors. The neighbors brought us PIES and COBBLERS to say welcome and we all said thanks, but we just stayed to ourselves and only occasionally saw them when we were out tending the yard.
So now, here we are — we’ve lived here nearly a decade! I don’t think these people know our names! They’ve lived here longer than we have. Their children grew up here and now they’re mostly retired. But in the mornings, they are outside, standing around, talking, as they get ready to go about their days. We barely wave, and only talk to them when some craziness happens in the neighborhood (a RARE occurrence). Our children sometimes play with the kids that live waaay up the street (when they’re not fighting them) but they are mostly happy being their own playmates. There’s children NEXT DOOR — and her kids aren’t interested in our kids, and our kids aren’t interested in her kids. They’re about the same age, as well.
We are already in our own world here at this house. We rarely have new friends — all of our functions/parties/events/holy day observances — they’re all ALWAYS with the same people. Never anyone new. The birthday parties for us and our children, if we have them, are already built in because our inner circle is guaranteed to be there, and the outer circle is typically there, too. If we have a BBQ, we just call the usual suspects and each family has 3 children on average, ages 1-16 right now (because WE KEEP HAVING BABIES). We’re a veritable TRIBE in this city. Even THEY don’t have many outside friends.
…we put up a huge wooden fence on the backyard — I think it’s 9-feet tall. When we didn’t have the store, Saturday mornings we’d wake up, make coffee, and head to the back patio with our laptops. The children would wake up, we’d give them breakfast (they’d eat inside) and then they’d be playing in the backyard. We’d stay outside til it got too hot to stay outside, then we’d either go inside and eat, or go take a nap (typically that shabbat nap was next). Studying and discussions would happen outside, free of prying eyes. All houseguests come to love that time here — family members that come to visit from out of town always loved it, our family friend Thompson, who came to stay with us for a while, he loved it and he’d be out there with us, and the sister we courted, she loved it, too, I think. It was a peaceful end to the week. We’d be barefoot…
We are just very cut off from the world. And if we want to, if we turned off the news and the internet — we’d just be with us.
And I LIKE that. So very much.
I only need my husband and my children. (if you are not into eating meat, don’t read the next paragraph. just skip it) We love farm animals…my youngest was just exclaiming yesterday about how he loves goats. We’ve HAD farm animals here in the back before — but we’re not vegetarians, so they’re gone. *ahem* We ate them. Yes, we did. We don’t keep them for longer than a week — a sheep for Passover. A chicken and a goat. All ate up. And the children never got *too* attached. There was never any crying from them, or any fretting. The last time we did it those crazy kids got their lawn chairs and the ipad and filmed their daddy and Thompson ritually slaughter this sheep; Education on Demand — then their father showed them all the important organs and what they do and they were especially happy to find that the bladder was still full SMH.
So we know how to slaughter our own animals. And we’ve had useful gardens maybe twice? My daughter and I are planning to do it on a larger, more official scale next year because husband is in the process of removing this huge, cumbersome tree in the back yard (took the treehouse down, cut off most of the major branches — it has to go it was dangerous to the house in the last storm, plus the neighbor’s tree hangs over our yard significantly, so there’ll still be a bit of shade, and not that direct, North Texas sunlight that can destroy all things).
We are emotionally and physically self sufficient to an extent ALREADY.
All I DREAM about is being LEFT ALONE.
Sure. I love people. I guess. Sociology is a favorite past time of mine. I love to study people and cultures and I love to meet them and eat their food and hear their stories. So I’ll always do that. But when I go back to MY “home” — there are just no cares for the outside world or what anyone else has going on.
This is why when we talk about building communities and communal living, I often imagine us at the end of the village, nearer to the woods. Only coming in for trade and situations that affect the entire community.
On the fringes… and happily so.
Y’all have a good day. I’ve been up on and off since 3am, officially up at 5am and I’ve already cleaned my kitchen, diningroom, and am on here, typing to y’all while I drink my coffee. I’m about to wake up the children for breakfast. I couldn’t sleep. I had a DREAM and I won’t mention the details of the dream but I didnt’ like it and there was so much praying out of me to that dream to The Most High — I haven’t had a dream like that in a while and this is the SECOND ONE THIS WEEK, me just praying and praying and praying out loud to Yah and it having response.
Blessings.
Wikipedia definition: Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other. It was common worldwide until the 18th century.
In a society where divorces and affairs are common strains in life —
— where people are left to choose their own spouses for themselves, for “love” and “romance” —
— where people fail to do their due diligence, and investigate the person, their family, their pasts, their childhood, etc —
— sometimes we look at other societies where arranged marriages are common, and we wonder — would it be better if we did it that way?
I think arranged marriages should have their place among us.
Now — allow me to post a disclaimer — I don’t believe in forcing anything upon anyone. So no, I don’t believe in forcing people to marry. But I do believe that parents (and elders, and older family members and friends) should be able to look at an individual and assess who would be a good match for that person.
I remember, years ago, watching a documentary on arranged marriages around the world. One couple, in particular, was from a lower caste system in India. They’d been chosen for one another in childhood — maybe about age 7 or 8, and had mostly been kept from knowing or even seeing one another, until the time came for them to be married.
They were able to see each other on the day of their wedding. In the excitement, the documentary asked the young groom how he was feeling about his bride-to-be. He said, in essence “I don’t know her, but I love her. I love her, because she will be my wife. So I love her already.” He had a big smile on his face and hope in his eyes. And from that moment on, I concluded that for many of us, arranged marriage should be allowed.
Some of us don’t like our parents (and some of us, our parents don’t like us). We don’t like their ways and so we don’t want them choosing our mates. And that’s fine. I fully believe a person should be able to decline a marriage offer if they see fit — and no harm should come of it for anyone.
But for me, I mostly trust my parents, and when I was late teens-early twenties, I fully trusted them because for the most part, I was following their path, and I rarely disagreed with anything they were.
She was always right about them, it would turn out.
To me, today — that other, “okay” life — is REALLY a life of pretentiousness…
I plan to do a level of arranged marriage with our children — I want them to meet people that are similar to them — have similar lifestyles and backgrounds, hopefully from happily married households where the children see both husband and wife/wives, father and mother/mothers and how they relate to each other. I want them to meet young people from families that don’t eat pork, or don’t eat meat.
I plan to mold them into good mates, and to guide them on how to choose a good mate (because, as I said, the final choice will be up to them).
Coarse: A Blog 