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This is a great article on femininity.
The most efficient way of understanding the truth about Female Nature is doing a quick reversal of the kind of Feminist theory that has become mainstream thought over the last half-century.
Women do, in-fact, need men; womanhood is defined through manhood.
If we understand the Form of Masculinity as a man’s “efficiency in acquiring power, his comfort in holding power, and his ability to maintain power,” we can understand the Form of Femininity as a woman’s comfort in submitting to power.
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*This isn’t for the FLDS or any communities of people where polygyny is a part of everyday life. They don’t need this post at all. This is for those of us who are living in places where polygyny is either new, or taboo, or largely unknown.
People with young children will be able to transition into polygyny pretty seamlessly, because young children don’t know anything about monogamy or polygyny, they only know the culture and world you build around them. Children older than 9 will probably have to be re-educated if you haven’t begun having conversations with them regarding multiple wives already.
With younger children, it helps if you have a belief system of some sort where there are people that have more than one wife. Bible stories feature men that have multiple wives, and of course the Quran has Muhammad, with all of his wives. There are African stories from various tribes that talk about multiple wives. All you have to do is speak about it and let them know it’s something that happens, it’s regular, and, according to your beliefs, it’s allowed/okay for your family to do it.
With the older ones, educating them on the subject of polygyny along with the stories is good. Because if you’re new to this and are just now pursuing it, you have to acknowledge that almost never in your child’s life have they seen or heard of a man having more than one woman outside of cheating. Also, you must expect them to have opinions on it, already. You have to allow them that but you must also CORRECT their view — there’s nothing wrong with polygyny among consenting adults. It will be harder because children of this age, if they aren’t homeschooled, typically care a lot about what their peers think. The fear of being seen as different may cause them to be totally against your polygynous leanings. Their concerns must be taken into account.
Always keep open lines of communication with your children; if and when you actually get into a polygynous relationship, sometimes stop and ask them how they’re feeling, how they feel about it, how they feel about the person/people you’re courting, etc. Take their responses into account, if they don’t like the person or the situation, delve into that and consider their motives (if they’re OKAY with polygyny but they’re like “Mommy — not THEM!” find out WHY).
Children must be instructed to respect all of the adults in the marriage. And for the adults, you should do best to keep a united front on all things in front of the children. I would advise this for all parents, regardless of relationship structures. Families, They are not allowed to disrespect your new wife. Women, they are not allowed to disrespect your new husband. Nip it in the bud and show consistency in your actions about that any time they may step out of line. If you treat children fairly and with equity amongst them, you shouldn’t have any issues out of the ordinary with them.
These are my suggestions!! Be Blessed!!
I think a man, when courting a woman, should prove that he is financially able to provide for her to some extent, if she should warrant that.
I think that should happen in all relationship dynamics. This isn’t being a gold digger — it doesn’t mean she’s asking for riches and big houses and luxury items.
Men are the providers. They provide. They go out, they face the outside world, they do the hard things it takes to bring wealth to the family.
Why is he not supposed to prove that to a woman he’s trying to bring in as a wife? Why should that woman just “trust” that he’s got it all together? Because he MIGHT NOT.
I see men asking “What does she bring in, other than her vagina?”
-_- That certainly belittles what a woman typically brings in.
No one’s going to like what I’m saying on this.
But I’ve said it before.
Wives are luxury items.
Not every man deserves a wife if he can’t take care of one.
Think of wives as luxury items. She’s gonna come in, she’s going to be pretty to you, she’s gonna smell good, she’s gonna be soft, she’s gonna be sweet. You’re going to want her softness and you’re going to want to smell her, you’re going to want her companionship, her sensuality. She’ll clean, she’ll cook, she’ll mother and nurture your children. She’ll nurse all of you when you’re sick.
And yes, she comes with a vagina.
Wives — good ones — are luxury items.
Don’t belittle that position. And don’t think you just deserve one just because you want one. Don’t think she just has to take your word for it that you can provide well for her. SHE DONT KNOW YOU and wont know you until she’s apart of your household, monogamous OR polygynous.
You want her to do her job and prove she can do it? Fine.
But you do your job and prove you can do it, too.
And don’t give me all that “I can cook for myself and nurse myself” Nonsense. Alot of women can change their own flat tires and fix the leak under the sink these days, too.
But it’s SOOOO much nicer when you have a woman that can cook and nurse you; just as it’s soooo much nicer when a woman can depend on a man to fix her flat, change her oil, and get that leak under the sink.
(This is all in the traditional sense of man and woman and their stations — if you’re not into that, ignore me)
A young Hebrew sister coming to terms with many things! What a joy THIS blog is to read!!
This topic was definitely on my heart so I have to present what I have went through and learned about it. Before I was “saved” I used to say, I wanted to be the “number only” girl. Not the #1 girl because that meant there was a #2 somewhere so I wanted to be the only one. I went into the Christian church and my marriage with the same mentality. Then I started following this Israelite way and Pastor Dowell began his “teachings” or introduction of the true Israelite heritage way and addressing the polygamy life style of our fore fathers. This hit me hard at first. Not because of the doctrine, because I could not argue, nor did I try to, with the scripture, but it was a personal battle that I had to endure and understand. At first, I did not understand why this was so hard for…
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Our businesses have us parents (mommies and daddy) working almost around the clock — my co works at the store most days, and I work from home for my husband’s company. Before the summer came, I was still trying to homeschool AND do the work the company required, but I became overwhelmed. My husband’s suggestion was to let the children have summer break — “Other kids break for the summer; they can, too.” So we did that. Now summer’s done for public school children, but I still have the same workload I had before.
But today, I just had enough. I MISS MY KIDS. I miss educating them, I miss talking to them about fundamental things. This summer we’ve had a blurb here and there — we’re an education-on-demand kind of family, so if a child asks an educational question, we stop everything, look it up, and discuss it. But I miss having that carved out time to our day.
So I forced myself to carve out some time — even though I was stopping to take phone calls, work on spreadsheets, and send and receive important emails. I was happy to find that the remembered pretty much everything from where we left off — that made ME happy, it means to ME at least that I’m doing a good job.
You want to open a business in order to generate income to make it easier for your family, you want to open a business in order to give you more time with your family, you want to open a business in order to leave a legacy of some sort to your children — but that business has to be BUILT.
My sister in law is coming on board to assist with husband’s company — that will free me up slightly but it will probably be another month after she comes on before she is acclimated and I can fully step away from the portion she’ll be taking over. I expect that. But after THAT, I expect to be able to give homeschooling more time — we can unschool, and that’s okay, but I’ve never wanted to fully unschool. I believe little structuring and guidance is needed.
That’s all I wanted. We’re so very busy around here! *I* think we’re pretty much a blended family. We’re getting there. Nobody’s perfect around here! But we’re striving to become one unit. That requires patience on one part, and discipline on the other. It also requires us to WANT for that to happen.
She (my co-wife/sister-wife) is probably my best friend right now. I have my best friends but we’re all so busy and our lives aren’t exactly looking the same these days, so we don’t talk often, although we love each other very much. But she and I are living the same life, pretty much, everything we have and everything we are is intertwined, because we are loving the same husband.
She’s actually under the weather today (VERY — she threw up a few times this morning and NO IT’S NOT MORNING SICKNESS, it’s a bug because the kids have all had some form of it in the last couple of weeks). I’m not a doter, I’m not a helicopter type of person, but I’m trying to make sure she’s hydrated, and make sure she’s okay to go to the store. She went to the store, but I was willing to go, AND take my laptop with me to work from there, if I needed to.
Okay it took me all day to type this up because I’m so busy so let me get back to it! I gotta find out the dates for Yom Teruah and Yom Kippur!! I hope I’m not too late…
I’ve been through so much since my last entry it’s not even funny. I’ve been robbed, lol, I’ve shot at people, lol, I’ve forged business relationships and broken off others. I’ve just been really busy.
I’m not talking to many people. What’s the point? People don’t understand; not many people I know actually know how difficult these things are, and how it is all time-consuming, LIFE-consuming stuff.
And really I don’t have time to put toward talking about it, anyway.
I’m spending THAT time, here — writing in my blog.
The hope is to have security and peace, and to secure a legacy for our children. So it’s WORTH it at the end of the day.
I am tired all the time, and I’m always trying to put out an optimal level of energy — so right now I’m on B-12 chews, and another energy-inducing, metabolic vitamin for women.
I just want to be up in the day, with enough energy to do the things I need to do, and to be efficient enough to go home and go to bed. That’s all I want.
…Took me an hour to write this.
Biblically based discussion on polygamy!
I don’t hang very close with people who are bitter on relationships.
I don’t hang close with women that say things like “men ain’t shit”, “all men cheat”, and it’s been forever since I’ve heard the damning sentence “I don’t need a man!” From anyone in my large and loose circle of friends and associates.
I don’t care to have men in my circle that think all women or all black women are the same.
I don’t care for Sotomayor supporters.
All these people are bitter.
And personally, I don’t work like that.
I don’t write off an entire group/genre of people on the actions of specific individuals.
I’ve seen some black men do the worst — cheating, beating women, not being heads of households, not keeping jobs, not taking care of outside children, etc.
But I don’t paint all black men with that brush. Because I know not all black men do these things.
Why can’t other people take on this frame of thought?
You can’t say people are all the same.
It seems to me that alot of people on the internet exaggerate what they have going on, and then when you meet them in person and get to know them, you find out that they don’t have MUCH of ANY of that shit going on that they say they do. It’s a let-down. Because I’m not an exaggerator. I know people THINK I MIGHT be an exaggerator, but in MY particular case, people put their thoughts on ME on what they THINK I have. Example — they hear I have a two-story house and in their minds they see their view of a two-story house (imagine a perfect tv-show house with a red door and white shutters…grey-blue brick…), then they come and see my house and it’s not what they imagined in their heads. That has nothing to do with me. I’m HAPPY with my house, it’s in a good,quaint little neighborhood, it’s kept us nearly a decade, it’s brick and is warm on cold days and cool on warm days because of it, the yard is big both front and back, large enough for me to legally keep sheep or goats or chickens (…I researched it…because sometimes we have a sheep, goat, or some chickens). It’s got four bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a 2-car garage. I like the lay-out and if I move out of the country I already asked my husband to pretty much keep the same layout (with a few changes) because that’s how much I like it.
They hear we have a couple of cars, and we do — but they put what kind of cars THEY want me to have — Lexus? BMW? Benz? What they don’t know is none of those cars interest me because of the size of their car note — I want good-running, long-lasting vehicles that don’t cost me more than $350/mo. Our cars were paid off years ago and we are not the types to jump into another car(note) after we’ve paid off a car. No — I don’t like to part with my money so easily.
They hear we have a store, and we do — and I don’t really know how they feel about the store. My CUSTOMERS love our store, though — they love the ambiance, they love how organized it is, and how they can see (and find!) what they’re looking for, instead of it being cluttered and overstocked.
They hear we travel, and we do — or at least we were when we didn’t have the business (having a new, successful business is like having a new baby — it needs you to be there every step of the way, until it can fully stand on it’s own without your watchful eyes). We’ve been to many places — and NO, we didn’t have a hook up on anything. We didn’t “know somebody” on the inside that got us a good deal. We didn’t take out a loan for it, and we didn’t pop it on any credit card. We planned it, and when we saw we had the money for it, we paid for it.
It’s just that — there are all these people…who say they doing all this stuff…and they have all this stuff…and you get over there, or you meet them in person and it’s like — what happened to all the stuff you said you had or were doing?? (Que T.I. — “Where dey at doe?”)
I don’t understand.
Is it that important to you for people to see you as more than what you are?
You’re not embarrassed about what happens when people actually meet you?? (read: major disappointments)
If you didn’t care what people thought about you and yours, wouldn’t you just tell the truth about what you have?
…I just don’t get it.
I was reminded this past weekend that I don’t like shopping for clothes. Such a stressful experience! I was with family members — and it’s nothing personal — but I don’t get what other women get out of shopping. I like to get stuff, pay for it, and leave. I’m just… not a shopper… I guess that’s why if I find a shirt that I like, I just buy it in every color, and if I find jeans I like, I buy 2 or 3 pair in different shades, and when I find a skirt or shorts that I wear, I do the same. I have UNIFORMS, y’all. Even without the business, I had a UNIFORM — long skirt/jeans/shorts, and a tank-top/t-shirt with a humorous, smart alecky statement on it (“I Have Issues”, “Look but don’t TOUCH”, “Fangtasia”, etc). I shop ONLY when absolutely necessary. So that’s maybe twice a year, lol.
…obviously I ain’t want nothing, just came here to say these things.
He starts to talk about his life with his women at about 2:40.
People look at us, still being monogamous and they wonder what’s wrong with us.
We seem to be a nice couple — a nice family, happy, doing what we need to do financially, and achieving goals and whatnot.
But since it’s still just us two, they often wonder…
Meanwhile other people — families and single women — are cycling through a series of other people, and are more often than not finding out that they aren’t compatible…and they move on to the next person or family… a version of serial-polygamy, if you will.
There are a few reasons why we’re still monogamous and not polygynous, the main one being we’re not desperate for another woman to join our family.
We are not broken. There is nothing wrong. We like each other, and we are happy. We don’t “need” anyone to come in with us to fix anything. Our children are thriving and happy and they love us and we love them.
My husband marrying another woman would simply be another tier on an already well-done and tasty cake.
Being that we don’t “need” it, we can take our time and REALLY look at people and consider of what benefit it would be for her to join our family (benefits for her and for us).
So we just take our time and try to figure it out.
It’s why we’ve only had two real life, face to face courting experiences.
Here’s what families need to understand and accept — you might not EVER find someone to join your family on a permanent basis. There are MANY reasons we could look at — our society right now frowns on polygamous relationships, people WANT to do it, but are hiding for fear of what people (friends and family, employers and coworkers, church members, whatever) are going to say. People who are born and raised in the Western world are on the whole not ready for polygyny. And why would you expect any different? All we’ve ever been shown is monogamy as the ONLY marital option (leaving those of us who aren’t into it feeling like we’re not normal). Women, if their man has another woman, have been programmed to react with jealousy, whether or not we’re fully aware of the other woman.
We are taught that a person can ONLY love one person at a time.
We are taught that a person having more than one “romantic” relationship at a time is a cheater, an adulterer, a player…a pimp.
Those of us who have abandoned what we’ve been taught have had to deprogram ourselves — and it’s not easy. It’s not the same for everyone. And not everyone’s at the same position on this path.
We know there’s a shortage of (viable, black) men when it comes to (viable, black) women. But simply put — not everyone is for this lifestyle. Not everyone’s going to do it, number one, and number two, those that are WILLING to do it are simply not equipped.
So, many of us will never find anyone.
Those of us who are desperate will find someone, then when that’s messed up, we’ll find someone else, then we’ll find another person, and another and so on and so forth — basically whoring out our entire family, trying to find the one that “fits”.
There may not be anyone that “fits”.
And you gotta be okay with that, and not open up your family to any and all kinds of women.
Be FINE with “just” you two.
Be OKAY with “just y’all”.
If she’s coming, she’s coming.
If you’re NOT fine, then trust me when I say, adding someone else to “WHATEVER” is going on over there is NOT going to make it better. It’s going to compound it, exacerbate it, irritate it, etc etc…
Don’t further break yourselves by bringing someone else in, and subsequently hurting them, as well.
(because y’all have no idea how these breakups hurt EVERYONE…)