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loy·al
ˈloi(ə)l/
adjective
  1. giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.
    “he remained loyal to the government”
    synonyms: faithful, true, devoted
loy·al·ty
ˈloiəltē/
noun
  1. the quality of being loyal to someone or something.
    “her loyalty to her husband of 34 years”

…and in all I said in my last post, I left out an important ingredient: Loyalty.
It doesn’t  matter what you look like, what you believe, how smart you are, how productive you are, etc — if you don’t have loyalty it doesn’t mean anything.
Now — me, as an individual, I expect people to have loyalty to me — friends, family, teammates — I EXPECT that. And I’m extremely disappointed when I don’t find it. If I let you in to Me and My Mentally-kept Inner Circle, and you are not loyal — you’re kicked out. I may eventually let you back in. But it takes some time.
If you hurt one of my CLOSE friends, I’m gonna be ANGRY at you and I’m going to protect my friend from you and defend her from your attacks.
As a family unit, we’re big on loyalty. We love the loyal, and are loyal in return. There’s that meme that’s going around that’s deciphering jealousy from territorial — we’re territorial with our loyalty.We don’t care WHAT’s going on between us and you — if someone goes after you or does something to you, we’re gonna defend against it.
I don’t play that about “My People”. My besties and I may be arguing (we’re not lol — but for example), but come after them lol I’ma be on you.
So yes. If you want to come this way, please bring your loyalty and please expect us to be loyal to you and protective of you, no matter WHAT is going on.
…just wanted to say that…

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com·mu·ni·ca·tion
kəˌmyo͞onəˈkāSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: communication
  1. 1.
    the imparting or exchanging of information or news.
    “direct communication between the two countries will produce greater understanding”
    synonyms: transmission, conveyance, divulgence, disclosure; More

    dissemination, promulgation, broadcasting
    “the communication of news”
  2. 2.
    means of connection between people or places, in particular.
    • the means of sending or receiving information, such as telephone lines or computers.
      plural noun: communications
      “satellite communications”
    • the means of traveling or of transporting goods, such as roads or railroads.
      “a city providing excellent road and rail communications”
    • the field of study concerned with the transmission of information by various means.

Origin

hon·est
ˈänəst/
adjective
adjective: honest
  1. 1.
    free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere.
    “I haven’t been totally honest with you”
    synonyms: truthful, sincere, candid, frank, open, forthright, ingenuous, straight; More

    informalupfront, aboveboard, on the level
    “I haven’t been honest with you”
    antonyms: insincere

adverb

informal
adverb: honest
  1. 1.
    used to persuade someone of the truth of something.
    “you’ll like it when you get there, honest”

Alot of issues in marital relationships would be cleared up if people communicated with each other, and were honest with everyone in that relationship. Sometimes honesty will hurt other people — so honesty that’s going to hurt needs to be done with consideration on whether or not hurting that person is NECESSARY. (Example — unless that person’s weight is going to cause problems in your relationship with them, you may want to withhold the fact that you consider them fat. You don’t have to randomly tell that person they’re fat just because you thought it just now, and it’s the truth. It’s UNNECESSARY to say, and it’s hurtful). If it’s unnecessary, then you don’t say it.

Everything that it’s necessary to be said must be said and communicated. Break downs in communication cause people to think one thing is going on, when someone else is going on that may be altogether different from what that person thinks. If you aren’t communicating, then the situation may not be working.
You must communicate your needs and your wants and your opinions. Even if those things are different than what your spouse/spouses need, want or opine. Unless it’s hurtful and unnecessary, you need to tell them. That way, they know where you stand, they are aware of how you feel and what you want in life. And hey — if it’s not the same as theirs, and if it’s in any way important to any of you, then whatever needs to happen, should happen.
Ignoring what people are communicating to you is faulty. If a person says they don’t like something, like an action,  you need to make note of it.

Communicating and being honest in your communication allows many things to occur — you will be more aware of yourself and your spouse/spouses, and in being aware, you will be more considerate. Things will be more clear and more solid as to where you all stand with each other, and where you are in the relationship. If something has confused you, be clear that you are confused and ask for them to clarify what they have said.

I’m talking about communication because it seems to be real hard for people — alot of relationships I see that have broken up have done so because of major lacks of communication. Also, alot of people play games — they like to say things in a certain way, thereby manipulating what is heard and what is understood, and causing deception to enter the relationship.

What’s hard for the sisters that try to enter our household, is that we are communicators and we are honest. We don’t play games with our words. We WANT to be clear and we want to be understood and anyone that comes into this house, we want THEM to be clear, and we want THEM to be understood.
We have been married going on 11 years and like it or not, this relationship is a success so far. It’s almost not their fault — seems like all American men and women do, is play games on each other…
if your relationships is rife with game-playing, why don’t you two (or three or four) sit down, and really hash it out. There WILL be honesty and it MAY hurt. If there is love there, remember that you love each other, and that you’ll be better for it in the end. And then make a PACT that y’all are NOT enemies, and that you WILL communicate your feelings, your needs, your wants, your opinions, and that you will listen and HEAR the opinions of the others, and that you will be CONSIDERATE of them from this moment on, as you go forth into life together.

…and if you find you’re not as compatible as you thought, or if you find that you just can’t get past something, and THAT causes y’all to be incompatible… then hey, you’re no longer wasting everyone’s time, right??
And you can move forward and on to something that perhaps will be more “FOR” you.

This entry probably was not clear at all. lol And I don’t care. I did my best to convey my thoughts with this entry and I hope that you learned something.

If you go to my previous blog entry (…INTEGRITY…) and look in the comments section, you’ll see a response. 

The response is from the second sister we ever suited.
We haven’t spoken to her in FIVE YEARS…

 We lost contact and yet we were unknowingly in close proximity to her… she has been in and around the poly groups stealthily for a while and has now let it be known that she was privy to things that were going on behind our backs in this last courtship.
This has been a constant occurrence since we terminated the relationship — people coming out of the woodwork and telling us all the things that were going on behind our back the entire time…
That, and people coming out to personally apologize to us, by private message AND phone call, saying they misjudged us in the situation (the count, so far, is 8 — and it wasn’t our defense that exonerated us… they just had to hang around her a little longer…)

Please read what she has to say about us and this last situation — 

August 13, 2014 at 11:52 pm
nasi

 

so I disappear for a while and come back and see videos about me- i deserved it lol. its all good, i just read your posts, sorry this has happened to you and cepha. in all honesty you and cepha are very good people. and i read the below posts and even i know if she said things like that about cepha its not true. during him talking to me he was a complete gentlemen and even offered to defend me from another male from a couple in a group who was harassing me, remember that? years ago. but anyway this girl seems horrible and seems like she lying on you and cepha. I never got the chance to meet you and him but his character in dealing with me wasn’t like that at all. he was funny and sweet and never lost his cool with me. and hes not a predator at all, he never mentioned anything sexual or disrespectful the entire time talking in fact it was i who was inappropriate. if its meant to be for another wife it shall be. this girl seems like she’s bouncing from man to man hopefully she doesn’t get pregnant or spread disease in between. shes a damn jezebel delilah type. sounds like honestly to me she is just a whore,from a broken home raising a broken home, and wouldn’t do right for a decent man trying to help her. yall was probably the only real chance she had at a family , cepha was probably the only real man she knew, and she didn’t know how to deal with a real man. and i do know you and cepha to be good people. don’t worry about her or what she says those people who condone her foolishness will change their minds once she gets in their home and sleeps with their husbands or ruin their lives with her gossip. besides if people believe htings like that without knowing the truth they must be living foul as well. birds of a feather flock together. im in those facebook groups as well and i watch and i say nothing. i only get on facebook once a month. i will say this though i have talked to a particular shady poly man whos in all the groups with his screwed up poly life ( another story for another day ) and i have heard from him things she said about yall but just recently learned who it was, you and cepha. small poly community we have i was shocked. and I know she said it because how else would he know details about her stay with you or yall wanting her to leave or yall sleeping together and she feels neglected cuz he’s in the middle of the bed with a arm around you but not one around her. or her saying yall gang up on her trying to make her a submissive wife so to keep the peace she pretends. or the first night when he had to convince her to sleep with him when he went to visit her and she didn’t want to be intimate, by the way I dont believe that one at all, he never came off that way on me and besides cepha is good looking i would have jumped his damn bones and ohhh i remember that sexy accent. (smile) She said to this guy whom by the way doesn’t like you or your husband and she knows this, this is why she was talking to him, called him every free minute to complain about yall, also another couple with a younger wife and a bunch of kids she kept fucking with her and picking on her so she wouldn’t tell info she thought that wife knew she said about yall. turns out that wife knew nothing. This chick was courting and phone sexing in ur house with this other guy major punk ass man always in women’s drama. Anyway i am rambling i just honestly wish yall the best you are good people. and i dont like what shes saying about yall. anyway see ya in the groups 🙂 side note bet you never would have thought to see me post her or defend yall right? me either. my soul wouldn’t let me rest until i did

Reply
August 13, 2014 at 11:57 pm
nasi

 

forgot to add congrats on the store

NASI — I am speechless… for SO MANY REASONS, lol. 
I thank you. Wholeheartedly. Thank you, sis. 

It is a situation we keep turning over and over and over in our heads. And every time, the outcome is NO, we didn’t do anything wrong to this person. This person said she was one thing…and turned out to be a completely different, NEGATIVE and HORRIBLE thing.
NASI — EMAIL ME. I wanna talk to you. lol I have a question.

Polygyny is not the problem.  Monogamy isn’t the problem, polyandry isn’t the problem, polyamory isn’t the problem…

The relationship dynamic is never the problem.

It’s the people that are the problem. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. I understand it takes two (or more!) to tango. But if you can’t say you did all that you could to make that relationship be the best it could be, then you also are at fault.
I’m jaded. And every day I try to be positive about polygyny, it’s hard for me to be. I understand the CONCEPTS of it all. But that LAST situation? SMH
*shrugs* I did my best. I was nice (I’m always nice and if I wasn’t nice to you, it’s because you did something to me. But other than when I’m PROVOKED, I’m always nice and sweet and I overlook alot of stuff). I was helpful. I was understanding. I would try to mediate. I would try to give suggestions (which weren’t taken). I tried to be an example. And so, as a first wife, to think on the POSSIBILITY of doing it again, it’s like. No. We’re fine how we ARE. Why put myself through it all again? Why put our family through that shit again?
We’re happy. He’s happy with me, I’m happy with him. We argue, we MOVE PAST IT, we get over it. When we argue, whatever it’s about, we try to get it ALL OUT right then and there, tackle ALL the issues. We don’t just leave the issues there to fester and show up another time. If that argument’s gonna take all day/night, we’re gonna get to the bottom of it so we don’t have to deal with it again.
No matter how she tries to peg it, I’m not ultra submissive. We argued twice while she was here. Two huge arguments, yes. And I cried, yes. People in relationships have arguments. You’re trying to be a unit and everyone has their own minds and opinions and are not the same people or the same temperament. So yeah — you gone have to hash it out from time to time. What’s at the basis of our arguments is the fact that we love each other, we’re a family, and we’re going to get to the other side of that argument and still love each other, and want each other and want to BE with each other. There WILL be making up. There WILL be cuddles and soft words. There WILL be kisses and hugs.
I don’t sit around in this relationship and agree with everything he says. If I agree, I agree. But if I DONT, he’ll hear it. It’s good counsel, for the man to hear a differing opinion and/or have to prove HIS opinion is the proper one to have. If he can convince me, I’m 100% down. But I have to be convinced. Because that fake agreeing? You’re like “Yes, you’re right. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh” and then, when he walks off, you know you don’t agree. And then you’re mad. And you’re tearing him down to people on the phone. Even if he was right. No one knows that because you’re mad, you weren’t convinced, and you did not agree. You fake unity, and then it all falls apart because you’re not even on the same page.
…am I being obscure? I’m not trying to be. I’m just typing.

So okay — science has proven how the ability to trust another human being helps a relationship.  If you put your trust in someone and they prove to you that  they can be trusted, your brain rewards you with some oxytocin release — which is also known as the love hormone.
Every time. No matter who it is.
And when you put your trust in someone, and they break that trust, you don’t get your oxytocin reward. And so they’re chipping at that “love” that a person could feel for them.
Every time.
No matter who it is.
Not only that, but it causes the person who was betrayed to distrust human beings more, on a general level.
I have ALREADY spent my life in situations where my name was been slandered and drug through the mud. I sound like Miss Sophia — “All my life I had to fight!” Well it’s true. I been fighting all my fuckin life for my honor as a human being, but there’s always some jealous, hating ass bitches waiting to try to so-called “ruin my life” (since thats what one particular person said to me in my inbox — YOUR WORDS DUMMY NOT MINE). I live in this shit. (Sorry — let me stop cursing it’s a habit like cigarettes these days; I release a slew of curse words and feel better.) I have ALWAYS lived in this format of people talking bad about me BEHIND MY BACK, sometimes smiling in my face or if they’re bold enough they’ll say it. I have ALWAYS fought people. We have always gotten physical.
But now, in the age of social media, it’s a bunch of people I don’t REALLY know and they don’t REALLY know me. They’re not even IN this city. And I’ve never been a person that could handle a bunch of arguing. We’ll be yelling and screaming and I’ll just start hitting and we’ll be fighting. Can’t do that online.
There’s no point in me BOTHERING to fight this, or BOTHERING to try to see things from my end. This particular person, who mentioned off-hand about ruining my life, as if I had been the one to make that claim (I NEVER DID and it’s so telling) — when HER family was in a situation where the woman they courted allegedly lied or walked away with some distorted view of what had gone on between she and them, we defended that family, we kept people off of them, we convinced people to not draw any conclusions on their situation until they’d heard the entire story! People were ready to burn them at the stake. When the woman we were trying to create a family with refused to listen to my husband about picking on this family, that’s when he broke up with her! Because at the moment, she hated that family’s guts — the wife is in her mid 20s, while the husband is I guess in his 50s? Maybe his 40s. I can’t remember. And she wouldn’t stop. When the break up occurred, my husband tried putting a little trust in these people, and he called the husband and talked to HIM about the break up. My husband doesn’t do that with anybody (because just like me, it’s been a life of defending himself).
So we put trust in these people, and then a while later, when shit really starts to hit the fan, what do we find out but that his wife — who CAME to me when she saw that it was me that was defending her family on the front lines of HER shit — we find out that she’s knee-deep in our drama, but she’s over there with the woman we tried to build with. AGAINST me.
So there you go — once again, trust put into people, and paid back with betrayal.
And what’s funny to me is, people act like I’m supposed to be okay with the shit. I’m supposed to be cool — I’m supposed to KEEP my cool and REMAIN CALM and all this shit when I’ve been betrayed. I’m not supposed to tell ANYTHING on either of them. I’m not supposed to retaliate.
If we were in the same city we wudda been done fought already, me and these bitches  females. But we’re not. So fighting fat girls won’t happen any time soon…and the only thing I can do is cut them out of my life completely.

…So at this time, trust in other human beings, from this family over here, is slim.
And it all gives me such a negative outlook. I’m like no, no thank you — I can only trust Cepha, and the friends I’ve had my whole life. I don’t want you in my circle. I don’t want anyone near me. I don’t want a sister-wife anymore. It’s too much trouble. You single bitches females are mostly crazy (it’s why you’ve been single for so long) and I’m not feeling like searching through the haystack for that needle. No. No. NO.

P.S. — I think part of the reason alot of these people are mad is because I’m attractive to them. I’m not fat, I’ve got a nice shape, my husband’s attractive too (he can go to the waterpark/beach and not have to wear a shirt because he’s got his muscles; I’m still in bikinis and I’m 34 and have 3 kids, and I still rarely wear make up — I still don’t HAVE to). We’re intellectually stimulating (for the sapiosexuals), we’re logical most of the time, I’m nice and happy and people (who AREN’T jealous) naturally find me interesting. Cepha is not as nice (it’s the testosterone) but he’s happy and people (who AREN’T jealous) naturally find him intriguing.
So you’ve got all that, plus the fact that we do what we say we’re gonna do — we’re financially efficient, we travel, he climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, took me to Paris for my 30th birthday, we homeschool our kids, we eat fruits and vegetables over meat, and we opened our beauty supply store. Two of our vehicles were paid off within 3 years of purchase, and the third one, we bought, cash.
So if you told them “You’re jealous” and they said “Pssht! Of WHAT? What are THEY to be jealous of?!?” ^^^ that’s it, right there. They’re just mad because they’re on section 8 and they’re perverted, they’re fat and unhealthy, they’re lazy and unattractive, nothing they do ever pans out, their goals are so small that they never even thought of doing certain things, they’re not smart enough to do certain things, etc etc.

…that’s what’s wrong.  We’re just better at life than they are.

That’s why we apparently couldn’t have ever been friends. We were toning ourselves down for that…

I’m trying to write about it. But speaking on something in the moment when I am angry or upset, is just really hard.
Today’s my birthday. Happy birthday to me. I haven’t had a bad birthday it’s been a very good birthday; I’m happy about that.

I’m put out that people want to believe the lies this “chick” is saying about us. ONE person only RECENTLY tried to come and hear my side of the story, but it’s like, too little too late. Noooo, don’t come here NOW, to hear from us our side.
Nooo.
Forget it.

So let’s see. What’s she saying about us, out there in the SMALL SMALL pond?
She’s saying that it’s all sexual.
Because she KNOWS that in the black polygynous community, that’s the WORST THING someone can say. For a man or a couple to ONLY pursue polygyny for the sake of sexual gratification is a predatory nature. If consenting adults want to agree that that is what they are going to do, then that’s what they want to do. But polygyny is about building a family, building an empire with the right set of people (one man, multiple women).
This is particularly irritating to us — we half-way courted two people before her, both of which we never met in person. So REALLY — phone chatting all day does NOT equal courting, when you compare it to the real thing.
So in 8 years of interest in polygyny, we have ONLY courted her, when you look at it like that.
She claims that Cepha only went to California to have sex with her.
This is funny to me. We haven’t courted anyone in 8 years besides her, and besides her, and me, Cepha hasn’t had sex with anyone. In EIGHT YEARS. He didn’t go down there and rush into this with her. NO. She ASKED him, BEGGED him, talking about “I want to feel you inside me.”
Now people want to be upset with him about that nonsense, as if she isn’t an adult with her own mind. What man, who is attracted to a woman, and that woman, who’s also attracted to him, is saying “I want you inside me” and they don’t do it?
Let me stop to point that out — they LIKED each other. THEY LIKED EACH OTHER, PEOPLE! Don’t let her lie to y’all and say she didn’t fall in love with him. She did. That’s why she’s so upset and trying at EVERY TURN to have access to us, saying horrible mean things so maybe we’ll “address” it with her, or have some sort of mediation or reconciliation. ANYTHING!
That was CONSENTUAL. They are ADULTS and she’s no shrinking violet.
She gets real vile and vulgar with her words. I’ve NEVER been that person. I’m talking about this right now mainly because the people that are talking about us are a bunch of assholes. But you have NEVER seen me in a conversation about sex with a bunch of people I don’t know like that. I talk about sex with my CLOSE friends. I’ll talk crass and vulgarities with THEM. So this is as much as I’ll say on that subject. When she went there with me I couldn’t even say anything back because that’s not how I roll. I can’t go there; I just had to leave.
So anyway — she says it was all about sex — meanwhile we were all looking for a house for her and her kids, since she refused to discipline her kids when they would act up. So he was going to STILL keep her, even tho she wasn’t doing what he wanted her to do. She would fake agreement with him, and then tear him down behind his back with other people who DIDNT LIKE HIM ANYWAY. What kind of team-player is that?
But he was going to KEEP her, tho.
AND he was going to get her a car. He already knew which car he was going to get her.
But it was all about the sex, though.
And we’re so BAD — but the other day she said we were her “prototype” family, tho.
WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A PROTOTYPE OF A BAD FAMILY?
She says I hate my husband, and that I “knew” she’d never listen to him.
She told Remez a bunch of stuff about us, BEFORE we’d called it quits with her, and he used it against us in the last argument we’d had with him.
What he’d said — it was us — but it was a DISTORTED VIEW of us.
If that’s what she got from her visit with us, then you have to account it to her broken mind. What’d she tell Cepha?? — that she’d never seen family like that before. She’d never seen a REAL man before. So she didn’t know how to act. She was right. Her family — excuse my french — but they’re fucked up. She knows they are. So no, she knows nothing about what a family is supposed to be. That’s why when she got in our house and saw all that was going on, she froze.
And no — I don’t cry every day. SHE cried every day, because it was pretty much a culture shock for her. I cry when I’m angry or frustrated. Cepha and I had TWO arguments while she was there. And being that we’re both strong individuals, and being that I’m not one to immediately back down (and fake agree with him…smh I told you not to do that), when we argue, the arguments are HUGE and ENORMOUS. We got into one argument when we went to the house I grew up in, that’s being sold — and WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS TO YOU?!? ANYONE WHO THINKS MARRIED PEOPLE DONT ARGUE ARE *LYING* — WE ARE NOT PERFECT WE PROBABLY ARGUE ONCE A MONTH. But anyone who’s been married for a substantial amount of time will tell you that the ONE thing understood about those arguments is that you are STILL TOGETHER at the end of it all. Aint no way I’m leaving because of one or two disagreements. I love him too much. I like HIM, more than I’ve liked any guy, ever. I love him, and I like him. He is the SMARTEST man that I’ve ever met.

She’s mad at Cepha and “hates” Cepha because Cepha TOLD her about herself. And he doesn’t mince words. Her husband has said some of the same things that Cepha said about her as well.

And “why’d” we choose her? Her friends are asking me that? That’s messed up to even ask that. First of all we didn’t choose her, she chose us. She said it was because I defended her in an argument in that polygyny group 8 months before we actually courted her. I went on and messaged her, since she’d dropped a couple of hints in the women’s group. Then I told her to send Cepha a friend request. Who knew she’d lie to us and on us? Who knew she’d act the way she did when she was staying with us? Who knew? You can’t know these things. You dont know NOBODY until you live with them.

We courted her because he and her, they got along and they LIKED each other. We courted her, because she and I, we got along well. Why does anyone court anyone? You can’t know anyone from phone calls and skype.
Y’all don’t know her.
The sex was not the focus. It shouldn’t be YOUR focus, either. It’s your focus, because you’re nasty. Had she done what she was supposed to do, he was going to keep her. That was the plan. Had she taken my advice (like she’s doing now, with someone else, where she doesn’t really have a friendship with her co-wife…smh), he would have kept her. Had she listened to him about leaving a certain Georgian family alone (where the wife is significantly younger than the husband — something she said disgusted her…Cepha told her to stop picking on them and she refused to stop), he would have kept her.
And THAT issue was the LAST straw.

If she’s a team player NOW, it’s because of seeing what WE had. If she’s being loyal NOW and not tearing her man down behind his back at every turn, canoodling with people who don’t like him — that’s because she learned. If she’s waking up in the morning to make sure he’s got what he needs to go to work — that’s because of us. She had no interest in doing that. She LAUGHED at the book I sent her — Created to Be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl (GEMS for women who wanna be wives).

The only reason I’m talking about it, is because someone comes in my inbox to express concern to me about the situation. REALLY, what I want is for it to be DONE, I’ve tried to close the door on this about 3 times but people wanna stir shit up.

DONT TALK TO US ABOUT HER, DONT TALK TO HER ABOUT US. YOU WANNA HELP??? LET THIS SHIT DIE, MAN IT’S *OVER*. IT’S DONE. #TEAMNNF UP IN HERE LOL. I don’t ever want to talk about her to anyone again, after this.

I don’t understand people.
I have EXPERIENCE in DEALING with people. I know how to handle them.
But I don’t understand them, no.
I’ve handled people and their attitudes toward me since I was in the second grade.
I KNOW how to identify a friend versus a messy person (who would, in essence, be a friend to NO ONE).

Okay — let met explain what happened AFTER our break up. Maybe it will clear the picture up a little bit —

So we’d broken up, but as I said a few entries ago, we were all three still in contact, daily. Talking on the phone, having good conversations. She was still telling him she loved him, saying she didn’t know how she was going to get over him, saying she missed us. People were still skype-ing (I don’t skype. I’m shy. *shrugs* I’ll DO it but I don’t like doing that).
We saw online that she was on a flight to Maryland. She lives in California. She hadn’t told us about any travel plans — but hey, we weren’t together anymore, right? So okay, that’s fine. We assumed she was visiting family; she has family on the east coast.
She calls and talks to him on the phone both before leaving and after she arrives in Maryland. She calls him when she first sees snow — because she’d never seen snow before, and she thought it was beautiful. She wanted to share that with him. She called him, later that evening, to tell him, AGAIN, that she loved him very much, and didn’t know how she was going to get over the situation.
The next morning, there’s a post on Facebook in one of the polygyny groups. The post talks about a single woman in the group, of no name, who has been flying cross-country to have sex with various men, also in the group, of no name. The creator of the post expressed disgust and displeasure.
When WE read the post, we thought it was talking about HER. It made us feel bad for her, and he immediately wanted to warn and protect her.
So he called her, to tell her that there was a post, and no matter how it sounds, WE hadn’t said anything ill about her to ANYONE — but someone ELSE may have, and someone may have been trying to make her look bad.
They got on the phone with each other and start having regular, jovial conversation.
But he started to hear whispering in the background. And so, mid-sentence, he’s like “–who’s that whispering in the background?” It was a regular inquiry with no suspicion of anything weird.
But when she heard the question, she hung up on him, immediately.
He called her back. She picked up. “What did you say?” she asked. “The phone cut out and I didn’t hear you.”
So he asked again, because the whispering was still happening. “Who is that whispering –” then he stopped. He realized it might be a man. So he asked “– who did you go to Maryland to see?”
And she hangs up on him, AGAIN.
So he calls her over and over probably 4 times. Then he stops and he texts her “If you don’t want me to call you, let me know.”
It’s still no big deal — he just doesn’t want to mess things up for HER, if she’s seeing someone. But she hasn’t SAID that she’s seeing someone…
Who responds to her text, through the phone, is the GUY, this asshole who we’ve gotten into it repeatedly on facebook. He’s a complete pompous ass in his response, as well, he’s like “Don’t text her anymore, she doesn’t give a fuck”, and something like “I stole your woman she’s in the bed with me right now”, and “you better watch out before I take the other one” (talking about ME — I would NEVER be so disloyal in my LIFE to EVER consider leaving one man for another man that HATES HIS GUTS. I have NEVER been that kind of person).
My husband responds with something like “I’m not surprised” and he calls me and tells me about it. I FLIP OUT. How DARE SHE? I HEARD her on the phone the night before, I HEARD what she’d said! How you claim to be in love with someone, but you in the bed with another dude? How you claim to be a FRIEND and love people, and you don’t tell them that this is what you plan to do, and who you plan to be with?
We’d only been broke up a week. And this dude, in the text, is calling her his WIFE.
I called her phone and cussed her out because she was too cowardly to even pick up the phone. How DARE you let him say the things that he said to him?? WHY would you do it like THAT? Do you HATE us? Y’know what I’m sayin? (like we’re really talking right now)
I went on facebook and messaged her a whole lot of angry things, and then I texted her a whole lot of angry things and that asshole dude RESPONDED for her AGAIN. She’s such a bitch for that I don’t know what to do right now it’s been months since that happened but HELL YEAH I’m still mad when I think on it too hard.
I couldn’t write it any time before now because I get SOOOO angry about it.

So a week later, the polygyny group hosts a women-only friday night conference call. And I get on the call and everything is amiable. When I speak, SHE responds “OMG! Hiii, Rebecca!” — speaking to me as if that was okay.
I flip out AGAIN.
And everyone thinks I was wrong for that but FUCK — what if it happened to THEM? Let’s see how THEYD react!
So we’ve cussed each other out completely on the call, ruining the call completely for everyone else.
The next day, she runs on facebook and into the groups and starts saying mean things. Her little stupid fat friend with her fat face starts joining in. I don’t know what SHE has to do with anything, but she’s a horrible person, because she likes to get into other people’s business when she was no where in the situation at all.
We have all been on thin ice with each other, ever since.

ALOT of the people don’t believe anything I say about the situation, because they feel they know her. She’s so-called “honest” with them, and so-called “real” in their book — because she talks about sex with them and they all get real crass and vile and nasty when they talk about sex — and I don’t do that with THEM, because HEY — I DONT KNOW YOU LIKE THAT. WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT I LIKE AND HOW I LIKE IT? I talk to my CLOSE friends about stuff like that, but I’ve known them since elementary school. I DON’T KNOW THEM.
She talks to them on the phone and I am SIMPLY not a phone talker. My besties and I don’t talk on the phone often, what makes you think I wanna talk to you when I don’t know you? You want to get to know each other? Move here and we’ll meet up face to face and then we’ll know each other. But I’m not a phone-chatter I got other things to do…
So they believe her off the bat and claim I’m not consistent with my personality (because when I’m angry, I will flip out on you — what they don’t know is, I’m like that FACE TO FACE I’ve fought ALOT in my life, and if I get angry I’m quick to possibly yank you real quick, depending on how I feel at the moment). I am whoever I am. It is whatever it is. However I feel is how I feel. I’m NICE, when you meet me. I’m pleasant. Most no-good people will think I’m weak, when they meet me, and they’ll try to take advantage of me (there’s a girl online and she just thinks I’m an idiot. She’s bossy and she’s curt and rude and tries to get me to do things SHE wants me to do, and then she likes to talk about me behind my back to the point where people have to tell her to calm down on that… smh and that’s why when she does messiness and I am aware of it, I go ahead and let people know she’s being messy. Because I’m NOT stupid, I’m just not a messy little prick. That’s all).
I am. WHOEVER. I am. And it IS. WHATEVER. It is.
These people who are so quick to believe everything this girl says (that she says because SHE’s hurt because she hurt US, and she feels BAD but can’t bring herself to just ACKNOWLEDGE how messed up that was, and how she feels BAD about it… so she seeks to make us look bad) they believe her because THEY NEVER LIKED US IN THE FIRST PLACE. We’re fit, we’re attractive, we’re striving for success. We travel, we are well-read, we are liked by NICE people. People from the polygynous groups on facebook, when they come to town, they meet up with us, and they GENUINELY like us. Because we’re REAL — we SAY we homeschool our children, and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because our kids are EDUCATED and POLITE. We SAY we have a store and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because our customers LOVE US and they ALWAYS speak well of us. We SAY we travel and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because, well because of the pictures, of course lol and the fact that, for example, my husband went and climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, reached the top summit, and ended up in the newspaper back in his country for being the FIRST of his countrymen to summit the mountain…
Our friends and family members are great people (we’re all only lightly dysfunctional and every family is lol), but they’re all nice and good people and don’t tend to try to ruin other people’s lives with their antics. Not typically. lol

So at the end of the day, I’m always feeling blessed. And people hate us for who we are and how we area and they’d feel better if we were how she wants to describe us right now…

Okay. That’s what she did. That’s why we were hurt. NOT the break up. That was never the problem and was INITIATED by us.