Polygyny is not the problem.  Monogamy isn’t the problem, polyandry isn’t the problem, polyamory isn’t the problem…

The relationship dynamic is never the problem.

It’s the people that are the problem. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. I understand it takes two (or more!) to tango. But if you can’t say you did all that you could to make that relationship be the best it could be, then you also are at fault.
I’m jaded. And every day I try to be positive about polygyny, it’s hard for me to be. I understand the CONCEPTS of it all. But that LAST situation? SMH
*shrugs* I did my best. I was nice (I’m always nice and if I wasn’t nice to you, it’s because you did something to me. But other than when I’m PROVOKED, I’m always nice and sweet and I overlook alot of stuff). I was helpful. I was understanding. I would try to mediate. I would try to give suggestions (which weren’t taken). I tried to be an example. And so, as a first wife, to think on the POSSIBILITY of doing it again, it’s like. No. We’re fine how we ARE. Why put myself through it all again? Why put our family through that shit again?
We’re happy. He’s happy with me, I’m happy with him. We argue, we MOVE PAST IT, we get over it. When we argue, whatever it’s about, we try to get it ALL OUT right then and there, tackle ALL the issues. We don’t just leave the issues there to fester and show up another time. If that argument’s gonna take all day/night, we’re gonna get to the bottom of it so we don’t have to deal with it again.
No matter how she tries to peg it, I’m not ultra submissive. We argued twice while she was here. Two huge arguments, yes. And I cried, yes. People in relationships have arguments. You’re trying to be a unit and everyone has their own minds and opinions and are not the same people or the same temperament. So yeah — you gone have to hash it out from time to time. What’s at the basis of our arguments is the fact that we love each other, we’re a family, and we’re going to get to the other side of that argument and still love each other, and want each other and want to BE with each other. There WILL be making up. There WILL be cuddles and soft words. There WILL be kisses and hugs.
I don’t sit around in this relationship and agree with everything he says. If I agree, I agree. But if I DONT, he’ll hear it. It’s good counsel, for the man to hear a differing opinion and/or have to prove HIS opinion is the proper one to have. If he can convince me, I’m 100% down. But I have to be convinced. Because that fake agreeing? You’re like “Yes, you’re right. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh” and then, when he walks off, you know you don’t agree. And then you’re mad. And you’re tearing him down to people on the phone. Even if he was right. No one knows that because you’re mad, you weren’t convinced, and you did not agree. You fake unity, and then it all falls apart because you’re not even on the same page.
…am I being obscure? I’m not trying to be. I’m just typing.

So okay — science has proven how the ability to trust another human being helps a relationship.  If you put your trust in someone and they prove to you that  they can be trusted, your brain rewards you with some oxytocin release — which is also known as the love hormone.
Every time. No matter who it is.
And when you put your trust in someone, and they break that trust, you don’t get your oxytocin reward. And so they’re chipping at that “love” that a person could feel for them.
Every time.
No matter who it is.
Not only that, but it causes the person who was betrayed to distrust human beings more, on a general level.
I have ALREADY spent my life in situations where my name was been slandered and drug through the mud. I sound like Miss Sophia — “All my life I had to fight!” Well it’s true. I been fighting all my fuckin life for my honor as a human being, but there’s always some jealous, hating ass bitches waiting to try to so-called “ruin my life” (since thats what one particular person said to me in my inbox — YOUR WORDS DUMMY NOT MINE). I live in this shit. (Sorry — let me stop cursing it’s a habit like cigarettes these days; I release a slew of curse words and feel better.) I have ALWAYS lived in this format of people talking bad about me BEHIND MY BACK, sometimes smiling in my face or if they’re bold enough they’ll say it. I have ALWAYS fought people. We have always gotten physical.
But now, in the age of social media, it’s a bunch of people I don’t REALLY know and they don’t REALLY know me. They’re not even IN this city. And I’ve never been a person that could handle a bunch of arguing. We’ll be yelling and screaming and I’ll just start hitting and we’ll be fighting. Can’t do that online.
There’s no point in me BOTHERING to fight this, or BOTHERING to try to see things from my end. This particular person, who mentioned off-hand about ruining my life, as if I had been the one to make that claim (I NEVER DID and it’s so telling) — when HER family was in a situation where the woman they courted allegedly lied or walked away with some distorted view of what had gone on between she and them, we defended that family, we kept people off of them, we convinced people to not draw any conclusions on their situation until they’d heard the entire story! People were ready to burn them at the stake. When the woman we were trying to create a family with refused to listen to my husband about picking on this family, that’s when he broke up with her! Because at the moment, she hated that family’s guts — the wife is in her mid 20s, while the husband is I guess in his 50s? Maybe his 40s. I can’t remember. And she wouldn’t stop. When the break up occurred, my husband tried putting a little trust in these people, and he called the husband and talked to HIM about the break up. My husband doesn’t do that with anybody (because just like me, it’s been a life of defending himself).
So we put trust in these people, and then a while later, when shit really starts to hit the fan, what do we find out but that his wife — who CAME to me when she saw that it was me that was defending her family on the front lines of HER shit — we find out that she’s knee-deep in our drama, but she’s over there with the woman we tried to build with. AGAINST me.
So there you go — once again, trust put into people, and paid back with betrayal.
And what’s funny to me is, people act like I’m supposed to be okay with the shit. I’m supposed to be cool — I’m supposed to KEEP my cool and REMAIN CALM and all this shit when I’ve been betrayed. I’m not supposed to tell ANYTHING on either of them. I’m not supposed to retaliate.
If we were in the same city we wudda been done fought already, me and these bitches  females. But we’re not. So fighting fat girls won’t happen any time soon…and the only thing I can do is cut them out of my life completely.

…So at this time, trust in other human beings, from this family over here, is slim.
And it all gives me such a negative outlook. I’m like no, no thank you — I can only trust Cepha, and the friends I’ve had my whole life. I don’t want you in my circle. I don’t want anyone near me. I don’t want a sister-wife anymore. It’s too much trouble. You single bitches females are mostly crazy (it’s why you’ve been single for so long) and I’m not feeling like searching through the haystack for that needle. No. No. NO.

P.S. — I think part of the reason alot of these people are mad is because I’m attractive to them. I’m not fat, I’ve got a nice shape, my husband’s attractive too (he can go to the waterpark/beach and not have to wear a shirt because he’s got his muscles; I’m still in bikinis and I’m 34 and have 3 kids, and I still rarely wear make up — I still don’t HAVE to). We’re intellectually stimulating (for the sapiosexuals), we’re logical most of the time, I’m nice and happy and people (who AREN’T jealous) naturally find me interesting. Cepha is not as nice (it’s the testosterone) but he’s happy and people (who AREN’T jealous) naturally find him intriguing.
So you’ve got all that, plus the fact that we do what we say we’re gonna do — we’re financially efficient, we travel, he climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, took me to Paris for my 30th birthday, we homeschool our kids, we eat fruits and vegetables over meat, and we opened our beauty supply store. Two of our vehicles were paid off within 3 years of purchase, and the third one, we bought, cash.
So if you told them “You’re jealous” and they said “Pssht! Of WHAT? What are THEY to be jealous of?!?” ^^^ that’s it, right there. They’re just mad because they’re on section 8 and they’re perverted, they’re fat and unhealthy, they’re lazy and unattractive, nothing they do ever pans out, their goals are so small that they never even thought of doing certain things, they’re not smart enough to do certain things, etc etc.

…that’s what’s wrong.  We’re just better at life than they are.

That’s why we apparently couldn’t have ever been friends. We were toning ourselves down for that…

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