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There are… no words…

April 9, 2014 in polygamy, polygyny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m trying to write about it. But speaking on something in the moment when I am angry or upset, is just really hard.
Today’s my birthday. Happy birthday to me. I haven’t had a bad birthday it’s been a very good birthday; I’m happy about that.

I’m put out that people want to believe the lies this “chick” is saying about us. ONE person only RECENTLY tried to come and hear my side of the story, but it’s like, too little too late. Noooo, don’t come here NOW, to hear from us our side.
Nooo.
Forget it.

So let’s see. What’s she saying about us, out there in the SMALL SMALL pond?
She’s saying that it’s all sexual.
Because she KNOWS that in the black polygynous community, that’s the WORST THING someone can say. For a man or a couple to ONLY pursue polygyny for the sake of sexual gratification is a predatory nature. If consenting adults want to agree that that is what they are going to do, then that’s what they want to do. But polygyny is about building a family, building an empire with the right set of people (one man, multiple women).
This is particularly irritating to us — we half-way courted two people before her, both of which we never met in person. So REALLY — phone chatting all day does NOT equal courting, when you compare it to the real thing.
So in 8 years of interest in polygyny, we have ONLY courted her, when you look at it like that.
She claims that Cepha only went to California to have sex with her.
This is funny to me. We haven’t courted anyone in 8 years besides her, and besides her, and me, Cepha hasn’t had sex with anyone. In EIGHT YEARS. He didn’t go down there and rush into this with her. NO. She ASKED him, BEGGED him, talking about “I want to feel you inside me.”
Now people want to be upset with him about that nonsense, as if she isn’t an adult with her own mind. What man, who is attracted to a woman, and that woman, who’s also attracted to him, is saying “I want you inside me” and they don’t do it?
Let me stop to point that out — they LIKED each other. THEY LIKED EACH OTHER, PEOPLE! Don’t let her lie to y’all and say she didn’t fall in love with him. She did. That’s why she’s so upset and trying at EVERY TURN to have access to us, saying horrible mean things so maybe we’ll “address” it with her, or have some sort of mediation or reconciliation. ANYTHING!
That was CONSENTUAL. They are ADULTS and she’s no shrinking violet.
She gets real vile and vulgar with her words. I’ve NEVER been that person. I’m talking about this right now mainly because the people that are talking about us are a bunch of assholes. But you have NEVER seen me in a conversation about sex with a bunch of people I don’t know like that. I talk about sex with my CLOSE friends. I’ll talk crass and vulgarities with THEM. So this is as much as I’ll say on that subject. When she went there with me I couldn’t even say anything back because that’s not how I roll. I can’t go there; I just had to leave.
So anyway — she says it was all about sex — meanwhile we were all looking for a house for her and her kids, since she refused to discipline her kids when they would act up. So he was going to STILL keep her, even tho she wasn’t doing what he wanted her to do. She would fake agreement with him, and then tear him down behind his back with other people who DIDNT LIKE HIM ANYWAY. What kind of team-player is that?
But he was going to KEEP her, tho.
AND he was going to get her a car. He already knew which car he was going to get her.
But it was all about the sex, though.
And we’re so BAD — but the other day she said we were her “prototype” family, tho.
WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A PROTOTYPE OF A BAD FAMILY?
She says I hate my husband, and that I “knew” she’d never listen to him.
She told Remez a bunch of stuff about us, BEFORE we’d called it quits with her, and he used it against us in the last argument we’d had with him.
What he’d said — it was us — but it was a DISTORTED VIEW of us.
If that’s what she got from her visit with us, then you have to account it to her broken mind. What’d she tell Cepha?? — that she’d never seen family like that before. She’d never seen a REAL man before. So she didn’t know how to act. She was right. Her family — excuse my french — but they’re fucked up. She knows they are. So no, she knows nothing about what a family is supposed to be. That’s why when she got in our house and saw all that was going on, she froze.
And no — I don’t cry every day. SHE cried every day, because it was pretty much a culture shock for her. I cry when I’m angry or frustrated. Cepha and I had TWO arguments while she was there. And being that we’re both strong individuals, and being that I’m not one to immediately back down (and fake agree with him…smh I told you not to do that), when we argue, the arguments are HUGE and ENORMOUS. We got into one argument when we went to the house I grew up in, that’s being sold — and WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS TO YOU?!? ANYONE WHO THINKS MARRIED PEOPLE DONT ARGUE ARE *LYING* — WE ARE NOT PERFECT WE PROBABLY ARGUE ONCE A MONTH. But anyone who’s been married for a substantial amount of time will tell you that the ONE thing understood about those arguments is that you are STILL TOGETHER at the end of it all. Aint no way I’m leaving because of one or two disagreements. I love him too much. I like HIM, more than I’ve liked any guy, ever. I love him, and I like him. He is the SMARTEST man that I’ve ever met.

She’s mad at Cepha and “hates” Cepha because Cepha TOLD her about herself. And he doesn’t mince words. Her husband has said some of the same things that Cepha said about her as well.

And “why’d” we choose her? Her friends are asking me that? That’s messed up to even ask that. First of all we didn’t choose her, she chose us. She said it was because I defended her in an argument in that polygyny group 8 months before we actually courted her. I went on and messaged her, since she’d dropped a couple of hints in the women’s group. Then I told her to send Cepha a friend request. Who knew she’d lie to us and on us? Who knew she’d act the way she did when she was staying with us? Who knew? You can’t know these things. You dont know NOBODY until you live with them.

We courted her because he and her, they got along and they LIKED each other. We courted her, because she and I, we got along well. Why does anyone court anyone? You can’t know anyone from phone calls and skype.
Y’all don’t know her.
The sex was not the focus. It shouldn’t be YOUR focus, either. It’s your focus, because you’re nasty. Had she done what she was supposed to do, he was going to keep her. That was the plan. Had she taken my advice (like she’s doing now, with someone else, where she doesn’t really have a friendship with her co-wife…smh), he would have kept her. Had she listened to him about leaving a certain Georgian family alone (where the wife is significantly younger than the husband — something she said disgusted her…Cepha told her to stop picking on them and she refused to stop), he would have kept her.
And THAT issue was the LAST straw.

If she’s a team player NOW, it’s because of seeing what WE had. If she’s being loyal NOW and not tearing her man down behind his back at every turn, canoodling with people who don’t like him — that’s because she learned. If she’s waking up in the morning to make sure he’s got what he needs to go to work — that’s because of us. She had no interest in doing that. She LAUGHED at the book I sent her — Created to Be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl (GEMS for women who wanna be wives).

The only reason I’m talking about it, is because someone comes in my inbox to express concern to me about the situation. REALLY, what I want is for it to be DONE, I’ve tried to close the door on this about 3 times but people wanna stir shit up.

DONT TALK TO US ABOUT HER, DONT TALK TO HER ABOUT US. YOU WANNA HELP??? LET THIS SHIT DIE, MAN IT’S *OVER*. IT’S DONE. #TEAMNNF UP IN HERE LOL. I don’t ever want to talk about her to anyone again, after this.

Something is wrong with Humans

February 7, 2014 in polygamy, polygyny | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I don’t understand people.
I have EXPERIENCE in DEALING with people. I know how to handle them.
But I don’t understand them, no.
I’ve handled people and their attitudes toward me since I was in the second grade.
I KNOW how to identify a friend versus a messy person (who would, in essence, be a friend to NO ONE).

Okay — let met explain what happened AFTER our break up. Maybe it will clear the picture up a little bit —

So we’d broken up, but as I said a few entries ago, we were all three still in contact, daily. Talking on the phone, having good conversations. She was still telling him she loved him, saying she didn’t know how she was going to get over him, saying she missed us. People were still skype-ing (I don’t skype. I’m shy. *shrugs* I’ll DO it but I don’t like doing that).
We saw online that she was on a flight to Maryland. She lives in California. She hadn’t told us about any travel plans — but hey, we weren’t together anymore, right? So okay, that’s fine. We assumed she was visiting family; she has family on the east coast.
She calls and talks to him on the phone both before leaving and after she arrives in Maryland. She calls him when she first sees snow — because she’d never seen snow before, and she thought it was beautiful. She wanted to share that with him. She called him, later that evening, to tell him, AGAIN, that she loved him very much, and didn’t know how she was going to get over the situation.
The next morning, there’s a post on Facebook in one of the polygyny groups. The post talks about a single woman in the group, of no name, who has been flying cross-country to have sex with various men, also in the group, of no name. The creator of the post expressed disgust and displeasure.
When WE read the post, we thought it was talking about HER. It made us feel bad for her, and he immediately wanted to warn and protect her.
So he called her, to tell her that there was a post, and no matter how it sounds, WE hadn’t said anything ill about her to ANYONE — but someone ELSE may have, and someone may have been trying to make her look bad.
They got on the phone with each other and start having regular, jovial conversation.
But he started to hear whispering in the background. And so, mid-sentence, he’s like “–who’s that whispering in the background?” It was a regular inquiry with no suspicion of anything weird.
But when she heard the question, she hung up on him, immediately.
He called her back. She picked up. “What did you say?” she asked. “The phone cut out and I didn’t hear you.”
So he asked again, because the whispering was still happening. “Who is that whispering –” then he stopped. He realized it might be a man. So he asked “– who did you go to Maryland to see?”
And she hangs up on him, AGAIN.
So he calls her over and over probably 4 times. Then he stops and he texts her “If you don’t want me to call you, let me know.”
It’s still no big deal — he just doesn’t want to mess things up for HER, if she’s seeing someone. But she hasn’t SAID that she’s seeing someone…
Who responds to her text, through the phone, is the GUY, this asshole who we’ve gotten into it repeatedly on facebook. He’s a complete pompous ass in his response, as well, he’s like “Don’t text her anymore, she doesn’t give a fuck”, and something like “I stole your woman she’s in the bed with me right now”, and “you better watch out before I take the other one” (talking about ME — I would NEVER be so disloyal in my LIFE to EVER consider leaving one man for another man that HATES HIS GUTS. I have NEVER been that kind of person).
My husband responds with something like “I’m not surprised” and he calls me and tells me about it. I FLIP OUT. How DARE SHE? I HEARD her on the phone the night before, I HEARD what she’d said! How you claim to be in love with someone, but you in the bed with another dude? How you claim to be a FRIEND and love people, and you don’t tell them that this is what you plan to do, and who you plan to be with?
We’d only been broke up a week. And this dude, in the text, is calling her his WIFE.
I called her phone and cussed her out because she was too cowardly to even pick up the phone. How DARE you let him say the things that he said to him?? WHY would you do it like THAT? Do you HATE us? Y’know what I’m sayin? (like we’re really talking right now)
I went on facebook and messaged her a whole lot of angry things, and then I texted her a whole lot of angry things and that asshole dude RESPONDED for her AGAIN. She’s such a bitch for that I don’t know what to do right now it’s been months since that happened but HELL YEAH I’m still mad when I think on it too hard.
I couldn’t write it any time before now because I get SOOOO angry about it.

So a week later, the polygyny group hosts a women-only friday night conference call. And I get on the call and everything is amiable. When I speak, SHE responds “OMG! Hiii, Rebecca!” — speaking to me as if that was okay.
I flip out AGAIN.
And everyone thinks I was wrong for that but FUCK — what if it happened to THEM? Let’s see how THEYD react!
So we’ve cussed each other out completely on the call, ruining the call completely for everyone else.
The next day, she runs on facebook and into the groups and starts saying mean things. Her little stupid fat friend with her fat face starts joining in. I don’t know what SHE has to do with anything, but she’s a horrible person, because she likes to get into other people’s business when she was no where in the situation at all.
We have all been on thin ice with each other, ever since.

ALOT of the people don’t believe anything I say about the situation, because they feel they know her. She’s so-called “honest” with them, and so-called “real” in their book — because she talks about sex with them and they all get real crass and vile and nasty when they talk about sex — and I don’t do that with THEM, because HEY — I DONT KNOW YOU LIKE THAT. WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT I LIKE AND HOW I LIKE IT? I talk to my CLOSE friends about stuff like that, but I’ve known them since elementary school. I DON’T KNOW THEM.
She talks to them on the phone and I am SIMPLY not a phone talker. My besties and I don’t talk on the phone often, what makes you think I wanna talk to you when I don’t know you? You want to get to know each other? Move here and we’ll meet up face to face and then we’ll know each other. But I’m not a phone-chatter I got other things to do…
So they believe her off the bat and claim I’m not consistent with my personality (because when I’m angry, I will flip out on you — what they don’t know is, I’m like that FACE TO FACE I’ve fought ALOT in my life, and if I get angry I’m quick to possibly yank you real quick, depending on how I feel at the moment). I am whoever I am. It is whatever it is. However I feel is how I feel. I’m NICE, when you meet me. I’m pleasant. Most no-good people will think I’m weak, when they meet me, and they’ll try to take advantage of me (there’s a girl online and she just thinks I’m an idiot. She’s bossy and she’s curt and rude and tries to get me to do things SHE wants me to do, and then she likes to talk about me behind my back to the point where people have to tell her to calm down on that… smh and that’s why when she does messiness and I am aware of it, I go ahead and let people know she’s being messy. Because I’m NOT stupid, I’m just not a messy little prick. That’s all).
I am. WHOEVER. I am. And it IS. WHATEVER. It is.
These people who are so quick to believe everything this girl says (that she says because SHE’s hurt because she hurt US, and she feels BAD but can’t bring herself to just ACKNOWLEDGE how messed up that was, and how she feels BAD about it… so she seeks to make us look bad) they believe her because THEY NEVER LIKED US IN THE FIRST PLACE. We’re fit, we’re attractive, we’re striving for success. We travel, we are well-read, we are liked by NICE people. People from the polygynous groups on facebook, when they come to town, they meet up with us, and they GENUINELY like us. Because we’re REAL — we SAY we homeschool our children, and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because our kids are EDUCATED and POLITE. We SAY we have a store and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because our customers LOVE US and they ALWAYS speak well of us. We SAY we travel and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because, well because of the pictures, of course lol and the fact that, for example, my husband went and climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, reached the top summit, and ended up in the newspaper back in his country for being the FIRST of his countrymen to summit the mountain…
Our friends and family members are great people (we’re all only lightly dysfunctional and every family is lol), but they’re all nice and good people and don’t tend to try to ruin other people’s lives with their antics. Not typically. lol

So at the end of the day, I’m always feeling blessed. And people hate us for who we are and how we area and they’d feel better if we were how she wants to describe us right now…

Okay. That’s what she did. That’s why we were hurt. NOT the break up. That was never the problem and was INITIATED by us.