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com·mu·ni·ca·tion
kəˌmyo͞onəˈkāSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: communication
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1.the imparting or exchanging of information or news.“direct communication between the two countries will produce greater understanding”
synonyms: transmission, conveyance, divulgence, disclosure; More dissemination, promulgation, broadcasting“the communication of news”-
a letter or message containing information or news.plural noun: communications
synonyms: message, statement, announcement, report, dispatch, communiqué, letter, bulletin, correspondence “an official communication” -
the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.“there was a lack of communication between Pamela and her parents”
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social contact.“she gave him some hope of her return, or at least of their future communication”
synonyms: contact, dealings, relations, connection, association, socializing, intercourse; More “there was no communication between them”
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2.means of connection between people or places, in particular.
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the means of sending or receiving information, such as telephone lines or computers.plural noun: communications“satellite communications”
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the means of traveling or of transporting goods, such as roads or railroads.“a city providing excellent road and rail communications”
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the field of study concerned with the transmission of information by various means.
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Origin
hon·est
ˈänəst/
adjective
adjective: honest
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1.free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere.“I haven’t been totally honest with you”
synonyms: truthful, sincere, candid, frank, open, forthright, ingenuous, straight; More straightforward, plain-speaking, matter-of-fact;informalupfront, aboveboard, on the level“I haven’t been honest with you”antonyms: insincere -
morally correct or virtuous.“I did the only right and honest thing”
synonyms: upright, honorable, moral, ethical, principled, righteous, right-minded, respectable; More virtuous, good, decent, fair, law-abiding, high-minded, upstanding, incorruptible, truthful, trustworthy, reliable, conscientious, scrupulous, reputable;informalon the level, trusty“an honest man”antonyms: unscrupulous, dishonest -
fairly earned, especially through hard work.“struggling to make an honest living”
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(of an action) blameless or well intentioned even if unsuccessful or misguided.“he’d made an honest mistake”
synonyms: genuine, true, bona fide, legitimate; More informallegit, honest-to-goodness“an honest mistake” -
simple, unpretentious, and unsophisticated.“good honest food with no gimmicks”
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adverb
informal
adverb: honest
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1.used to persuade someone of the truth of something.“you’ll like it when you get there, honest”
Alot of issues in marital relationships would be cleared up if people communicated with each other, and were honest with everyone in that relationship. Sometimes honesty will hurt other people — so honesty that’s going to hurt needs to be done with consideration on whether or not hurting that person is NECESSARY. (Example — unless that person’s weight is going to cause problems in your relationship with them, you may want to withhold the fact that you consider them fat. You don’t have to randomly tell that person they’re fat just because you thought it just now, and it’s the truth. It’s UNNECESSARY to say, and it’s hurtful). If it’s unnecessary, then you don’t say it.
Everything that it’s necessary to be said must be said and communicated. Break downs in communication cause people to think one thing is going on, when someone else is going on that may be altogether different from what that person thinks. If you aren’t communicating, then the situation may not be working.
You must communicate your needs and your wants and your opinions. Even if those things are different than what your spouse/spouses need, want or opine. Unless it’s hurtful and unnecessary, you need to tell them. That way, they know where you stand, they are aware of how you feel and what you want in life. And hey — if it’s not the same as theirs, and if it’s in any way important to any of you, then whatever needs to happen, should happen.
Ignoring what people are communicating to you is faulty. If a person says they don’t like something, like an action, you need to make note of it.
Communicating and being honest in your communication allows many things to occur — you will be more aware of yourself and your spouse/spouses, and in being aware, you will be more considerate. Things will be more clear and more solid as to where you all stand with each other, and where you are in the relationship. If something has confused you, be clear that you are confused and ask for them to clarify what they have said.
I’m talking about communication because it seems to be real hard for people — alot of relationships I see that have broken up have done so because of major lacks of communication. Also, alot of people play games — they like to say things in a certain way, thereby manipulating what is heard and what is understood, and causing deception to enter the relationship.
What’s hard for the sisters that try to enter our household, is that we are communicators and we are honest. We don’t play games with our words. We WANT to be clear and we want to be understood and anyone that comes into this house, we want THEM to be clear, and we want THEM to be understood.
We have been married going on 11 years and like it or not, this relationship is a success so far. It’s almost not their fault — seems like all American men and women do, is play games on each other…
if your relationships is rife with game-playing, why don’t you two (or three or four) sit down, and really hash it out. There WILL be honesty and it MAY hurt. If there is love there, remember that you love each other, and that you’ll be better for it in the end. And then make a PACT that y’all are NOT enemies, and that you WILL communicate your feelings, your needs, your wants, your opinions, and that you will listen and HEAR the opinions of the others, and that you will be CONSIDERATE of them from this moment on, as you go forth into life together.
…and if you find you’re not as compatible as you thought, or if you find that you just can’t get past something, and THAT causes y’all to be incompatible… then hey, you’re no longer wasting everyone’s time, right??
And you can move forward and on to something that perhaps will be more “FOR” you.
This entry probably was not clear at all. lol And I don’t care. I did my best to convey my thoughts with this entry and I hope that you learned something.
in·teg·ri·ty
noun: integrity
1.the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness
Let’s talk about honesty, and strong moral principles —
He decided to court her, because during the suiting phase she made herself seem compatible with us — coming from different paths, but moving in the same direction… and then we found out that alot of the stuff she told us about herself, which we based our compatibility on, wasn’t quite true…
When we met this person, she said she homeschooled her kids. We homeschool our kids, so that was awesome. When we met this person, she told us that she’d had polygyny experience.When we met this person she was asked how she made her money. She said she ran a couple of online businesses — which was great because we were in the process of starting our business.
When we met this person, she made herself seem driven, ambitious, and highly motivated.
When we met this person she made herself seem like she’d be a good fit for our family.
What do we find out?? On the homeschooling, we find out that’s not true in the LEAST — what happens is, her grandmother picks up the children in the morning, and takes them to daycare all day long, while she sits at home on her ass smoking weed and entertaining a bunch of people who are basically bums (no jobs and no interest in getting jobs). On her prior polygyny experience — when he asked her about it, turns out she and her youngest child’s father would invite another woman into their bed and she would hang around for a few days after (actually, what we found out was that this person had NEVER had a stable healthy or lasting relationship, in her life!). On how she made her money, we found out that she didn’t make any money from her online store and it was pretty much dead — no, the way she makes her money is to be a drug and prostitute liaison (meaning she sets you up with the people that have what you want and gets a cut from it — she’s the middle-man).
These are not things she told us, and that latter part we didn’t find out until close to the end of courtship!!!
She wanted to make herself seem as compatible as possible!
(EVERYTHING we told you about ourselves during the suiting phase — you came here and saw that it was TRUE! He told you from the JUMP he has a low tolerance for bullshit, and he will NOT let it into his house!)
We SUSPECTED she was talking bad about us behind our backs, because of the little snarky, passive aggressive shit people were saying (and one of them, I kept telling her — if you KNOW SO MUCH, why not say the shit? What the fuck you talking to me for if you not going to say the shit?). But we couldn’t prove it and when asked, she would always say NO. All off in THROUGH the relationship. And see, I told her REPEATEDLY if she had something she wanted to say, if she was upset about something, she should say it to US. Because that’s how we DO — we don’t go outside the family circle to talk bad about someone — we are going to do it RIGHT THERE, THEN AND RIGHT AWAY, to get to the bottom of the issue, so we can move past it. And POSSIBLY, if that means people aren’t compatible, then HEY — that may be the case! No biggie. But NO — she wanted to make herself seem as COMPATIBLE as POSSIBLE.
He was attracted to the person she sold herself AS. And, after realizing that THAT person was FAKE, his constant question was “what am I getting from this?”
The SAME THING she’s doing with ol’boy RIGHT NOW — LYING to him, pretending to convert to his belief! (and very recently, in the group, she even SAID that she doesn’t pray to any god but HERSELF!!! “but don’t tell you-know-who!” THATS THE KIND OF PREDATOR SHE IS — PREYING ON TRUSTING FAMILIES, FAKING COMPATIBILITY SO THAT SHE CAN BE RESCUED FROM HER SORRY SITUATION!!!)…and I heard that you “friends” of hers were HELPING her fabricate her compatibility with him — SHAME ON Y’ALL!! (but y’all all do the same tho — like that other one, who was hiding the fact that she smoked cigarettes from the man she was tryna marry — so why’m I surprised…)
She says that all she’s guilty of is not giving us full disclosure when she moved on. She’s going to spin it to the public in order to make herself seem not too much at fault — but that’s not what happened. She began talking to this dude a few weeks before we even broke up.
DO YOU HEAR THAT SHIT? SHE WAS ALREADY TALKING TO HIM BEFORE WE EVEN BROKE UP!! And she STILL didn’t tell us. How we found out — she let him DISRESPECT my husband, texting him from HER phone! And to EXCUSE it, she said she was “afraid” to tell him.
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT INTEGRITY, BITCH???!?!?! YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT INTEGRITY??
WTF???
So what happened??
He and I had a conversation. We agreed that, no, she is completely untrustworthy. There’s been this feeling of not being able to trust her for MONTHS. Because of Y&Y, and the things they were saying to us, because of her need to be friends with people who she know damned well don’t even like us (because if you don’t like my husband, then we not friends. If you’re indifferent, that’s ONE thing — but to DISLIKE HIM and to HATE HIM, no, we can’t be friends. HE is A PART of ME. And if another sister ever joins this family, she’d have to feel the SAME WAY. WE are family!).
So we go to her, and we tell her on a phone call that we feel we can’t trust her. What does SHE say? “I haven’t said anything about y’all to anyone…what can I do to gain your trust back?”
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LYING AGAIN. Not even strong enough to say “Well YES, I spoke to them, because this and that and the other” and whatever the fuck you want to talk to them about! Why not SAY IT??
BECAUSE SHE WAS PUTTING UP A FRONT THAT SHE WAS QUITE COMPATIBLE FOR THIS FAMILY.
…and she was talking to him… weeks before we even broke up…
And AGAIN — no booboo, we don’t just “look good on paper” — you already know, that’s why you call us your “prototype family” — because you already know that what we HAVE and what we ARE is something you’d LOVE to have and LOVE to BE in this life. That’s why you were going through so many lengths to be over here with us! YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE AT MY HOUSE, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE WE ARE. You know he’s smart, you know he’s handsome, he works ALL DAY LONG, you know he works on the house ALL THE TIME, you know that when you weren’t messing up he’s gentle, loving, sweet, funny, you know that he don’t play when you’re bullshitting.
You know he won’t whup your ass, though. You know that. You know he won’t hit you. YOU know that if you refuse to listen, if you turn out to lie to the people you trying to build a life with all the time — that he will leave you. That’s what HAPPENED. He broke up with you, because you don’t LISTEN to GOOD counsel. He never told you to do anything bad or wrong — but YOU DON’T LISTEN. You lie. When he makes a decision, you nod your head and fake agreement — YOU WANNA TALK FAKE??!?!?! Let him make a decision I don’t agree with!! I will TELL him, and we will discuss WHY, and he will CONVINCE me (although SOMETIMES, “baby, just trust me” is good enough). I never told you to do anything bad or wrong — but YOU wouldn’t listen to MY advice!!
People wanna talk about playing victim but this bitch STILL constantly calling y’all crying about THIS guy, now. This guy that she said was such a good man, that he was so great and so awesome — and WHO KNOWS?? CAN YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE HER?? PERHAPS HER VIEW OF HIM IS DISTORTED, TOO!! PERHAPS SHE’S THE REASON HE HATED US SO MUCH — JUST LIKE THE REST OF YOU DO! PERHAPS HE *IS* AWESOME!! AND PERHAPS SHE’S PAINTING HIM AS BAD AND EVIL AND SO CALLED BEATING HER AND SHIT. But she still crying to y’all about *him*.
And you allow her to do it. And you believe her — all of you are SO weak and manipulated by crocodile tears… and fake friendships…
UNDERSTAND that you burnt that bridge — MOVE ON ALREADY! STOP CONTACTING ME! STOP HOPING THAT WE’LL MAKE UP AND BE FRIENDS! WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE GROUP WAS CALLING YOU A POLYANDROUS WHORE, I DEFENDED YOU, INTRODUCED YOU TO MY HUSBAND AT YOUR REQUEST, I OPENED UP MY HOME TO YOU, AND YOU DISRESPECTED IT! And STILL, today, you LIE about it!
…and YOU wanna talk about INTEGRITY…
…ask yourself, right now, what sort of game you playin?
These relationships that you have with each other — what sort of game you playin?
Why you open and honest with people that aren’t even in your relationship???
Why do you feel you owe THEM the honesty you won’t even give your spouse(s)?
The fuck is WRONG with you?
(I’m not talking to any particular person. Don’t be vain.)
One thing my husband and I have with each other, is HONESTY and OPEN communication.
I prescribe it for ALL relationships where you are trying to build a unit and team.
If you aren’t open and honest, IT’S GOING TO FAIL. Fuck the bullshit.
(Dammit. I’m cursing again. But *smiles* it’s Monday, and my period is here. So fuck it. It feels fucking necessary)
As I said, I prescribe it to all my friends and my CLOSEST friends know that if their relationships didn’t work out — it’s because there was a lack of honesty and/or open communication.
*shrugs* it is what it is.
If you telling EVERYBODY ELSE but the person/people that are supposed to matter to you and your life the TRUTH about who you are, how you are, what you want and how you feel — you putting all your energy into the WRONG place.
Your energy is supposed to be put INTO the relationship you’re in.
How’s he/she/they supposed to know who you ARE if you don’t tell them? How’re they supposed to know HOW you are? How’re they supposed to know what you WANT? TRUTH IS, THEY DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU NOT TELLING IT TO THEM, YOU’RE TELLING IT TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You’re a COWARD. In your RELATIONSHIP. You’re SCARED. Because you’re living a FACADE. You’re a scam artist; you’re pretending to be something you’re not, to get someone you KNOW wouldn’t go for the person that you really are. You are going to FUCK IT UP because you won’t be able to keep it up forever!!!
None of you. How can you claim to love someone and lie to them about who you are, what you like and what you do?? You bitches are desperate! Being unable to get a husband for so long has got y’all selling your souls for one.
Brave people look at shit in the face. They may be scared — yes — but bad news is bad news!! If that person/people you tryna build with don’t or won’t like what you REALLY are or who you REALLY are, you’re probably not right for each other. And that’s FINE. If you won’t change, or can’t change for this endeavor — get out. Stop wasting people’s time!!! You’re wasting YOUR time and THEIR time.
Brave people are just as scared — but they look at the situation in the face and they look at that person in their face and they say “Y’know what? This is who I am. This is how I am.” And if they NEED to change it they make their changes and if they don’t WANNA change it, they don’t make a change and fuck who feels like they need to change — point is, they not tryna waste valuable time.
…I’ma tell you… I’m GLAD you hate me. GOOD, bitches. Good. HATE ME. Because I DONT LIKE COWARDS I KEEP THEM FAR FROM ME!
One thing my husband and I have = HONESTY and OPEN COMMUNICATION. We talk about it all, we lay it all out there. If it’s a PROBLEM, we are gonna get to the BOTTOM of it or it will END. If there needs to be a change that change is made OR IT IS DONE. We’re not wasting our TIME or anyone else’s and that’s why you HATING, all this “Rebecca’s FAKE because she’s INCONSISTENT” and “Rebecca’s FAKE because she don’t tell us shit” BITCH — I’m SOOOOooooo very real. I tell what I tell to whom I tell because it’s necessary for that relationship to grow and move forward. And I don’t tell to whom I don’t tell because either it’s unnecessary, or the relationship itself is unnecessary.
Bad news = bad news — but it’s a chance to move forward or move on if need be. Get some courage, BE REAL, or UNDERSTAND that the end of your relationship is IMMINENT.
Coarse: A Blog 