New Links and Videos (from OTHER people and sources!)

February 19, 2014 in polygamy, polygyny | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

If you’re like me you’re a fan of all things polygyny. We may or may not ever find a sister-wife to join us, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t recognize it as an positive relationship dynamic.
So from time to time, when I come across something — a link to a site, a video, or articles pertaining to the subject, I try to share it here so others can enjoy it as well.

So heeere ya go, here’s some stuff, that I got from someone else, lol. They did the footwork, posted it, and it was good. Yay, Facebook!!

Polygyny is legal in Islam and Christianity

Polygamy is the key to long life

And THIS awesome looking book — Polygyny: The Ancient African Welfare System

Okay babies, I’m done — a distant friend checked in on me this week. “How are you?”, she asked. “Great,” I said, “better than I’ve been in WEEKS.”
EVER SINCE I confronted “our” ex, and ever since I wrote out exactly WHAT she did, on here — the Great Purge — I feel SOOO much better about everything. I am sleeping better, I am happier. I am happier ABOUT polygyny in our life in GENERAL — whether we do it or not. She suggested this sister to us just before the break up, and suggested us to her, and STILL told that same sister, after our last major falling out that she’d be a better match for us than she was? And we talked about that, us and this other sister — she sought to make us look really bad over the last few months in order to justify jumping in bed with that other guy…if we were so bad, why would she suggest that such a nice girl try to join up with us? …

Anyway — old news.
Let me go. I’m so very busy; I have a ton of packages going out. Gotta get em ready.

Something is wrong with Humans

February 7, 2014 in polygamy, polygyny | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I don’t understand people.
I have EXPERIENCE in DEALING with people. I know how to handle them.
But I don’t understand them, no.
I’ve handled people and their attitudes toward me since I was in the second grade.
I KNOW how to identify a friend versus a messy person (who would, in essence, be a friend to NO ONE).

Okay — let met explain what happened AFTER our break up. Maybe it will clear the picture up a little bit —

So we’d broken up, but as I said a few entries ago, we were all three still in contact, daily. Talking on the phone, having good conversations. She was still telling him she loved him, saying she didn’t know how she was going to get over him, saying she missed us. People were still skype-ing (I don’t skype. I’m shy. *shrugs* I’ll DO it but I don’t like doing that).
We saw online that she was on a flight to Maryland. She lives in California. She hadn’t told us about any travel plans — but hey, we weren’t together anymore, right? So okay, that’s fine. We assumed she was visiting family; she has family on the east coast.
She calls and talks to him on the phone both before leaving and after she arrives in Maryland. She calls him when she first sees snow — because she’d never seen snow before, and she thought it was beautiful. She wanted to share that with him. She called him, later that evening, to tell him, AGAIN, that she loved him very much, and didn’t know how she was going to get over the situation.
The next morning, there’s a post on Facebook in one of the polygyny groups. The post talks about a single woman in the group, of no name, who has been flying cross-country to have sex with various men, also in the group, of no name. The creator of the post expressed disgust and displeasure.
When WE read the post, we thought it was talking about HER. It made us feel bad for her, and he immediately wanted to warn and protect her.
So he called her, to tell her that there was a post, and no matter how it sounds, WE hadn’t said anything ill about her to ANYONE — but someone ELSE may have, and someone may have been trying to make her look bad.
They got on the phone with each other and start having regular, jovial conversation.
But he started to hear whispering in the background. And so, mid-sentence, he’s like “–who’s that whispering in the background?” It was a regular inquiry with no suspicion of anything weird.
But when she heard the question, she hung up on him, immediately.
He called her back. She picked up. “What did you say?” she asked. “The phone cut out and I didn’t hear you.”
So he asked again, because the whispering was still happening. “Who is that whispering –” then he stopped. He realized it might be a man. So he asked “– who did you go to Maryland to see?”
And she hangs up on him, AGAIN.
So he calls her over and over probably 4 times. Then he stops and he texts her “If you don’t want me to call you, let me know.”
It’s still no big deal — he just doesn’t want to mess things up for HER, if she’s seeing someone. But she hasn’t SAID that she’s seeing someone…
Who responds to her text, through the phone, is the GUY, this asshole who we’ve gotten into it repeatedly on facebook. He’s a complete pompous ass in his response, as well, he’s like “Don’t text her anymore, she doesn’t give a fuck”, and something like “I stole your woman she’s in the bed with me right now”, and “you better watch out before I take the other one” (talking about ME — I would NEVER be so disloyal in my LIFE to EVER consider leaving one man for another man that HATES HIS GUTS. I have NEVER been that kind of person).
My husband responds with something like “I’m not surprised” and he calls me and tells me about it. I FLIP OUT. How DARE SHE? I HEARD her on the phone the night before, I HEARD what she’d said! How you claim to be in love with someone, but you in the bed with another dude? How you claim to be a FRIEND and love people, and you don’t tell them that this is what you plan to do, and who you plan to be with?
We’d only been broke up a week. And this dude, in the text, is calling her his WIFE.
I called her phone and cussed her out because she was too cowardly to even pick up the phone. How DARE you let him say the things that he said to him?? WHY would you do it like THAT? Do you HATE us? Y’know what I’m sayin? (like we’re really talking right now)
I went on facebook and messaged her a whole lot of angry things, and then I texted her a whole lot of angry things and that asshole dude RESPONDED for her AGAIN. She’s such a bitch for that I don’t know what to do right now it’s been months since that happened but HELL YEAH I’m still mad when I think on it too hard.
I couldn’t write it any time before now because I get SOOOO angry about it.

So a week later, the polygyny group hosts a women-only friday night conference call. And I get on the call and everything is amiable. When I speak, SHE responds “OMG! Hiii, Rebecca!” — speaking to me as if that was okay.
I flip out AGAIN.
And everyone thinks I was wrong for that but FUCK — what if it happened to THEM? Let’s see how THEYD react!
So we’ve cussed each other out completely on the call, ruining the call completely for everyone else.
The next day, she runs on facebook and into the groups and starts saying mean things. Her little stupid fat friend with her fat face starts joining in. I don’t know what SHE has to do with anything, but she’s a horrible person, because she likes to get into other people’s business when she was no where in the situation at all.
We have all been on thin ice with each other, ever since.

ALOT of the people don’t believe anything I say about the situation, because they feel they know her. She’s so-called “honest” with them, and so-called “real” in their book — because she talks about sex with them and they all get real crass and vile and nasty when they talk about sex — and I don’t do that with THEM, because HEY — I DONT KNOW YOU LIKE THAT. WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT I LIKE AND HOW I LIKE IT? I talk to my CLOSE friends about stuff like that, but I’ve known them since elementary school. I DON’T KNOW THEM.
She talks to them on the phone and I am SIMPLY not a phone talker. My besties and I don’t talk on the phone often, what makes you think I wanna talk to you when I don’t know you? You want to get to know each other? Move here and we’ll meet up face to face and then we’ll know each other. But I’m not a phone-chatter I got other things to do…
So they believe her off the bat and claim I’m not consistent with my personality (because when I’m angry, I will flip out on you — what they don’t know is, I’m like that FACE TO FACE I’ve fought ALOT in my life, and if I get angry I’m quick to possibly yank you real quick, depending on how I feel at the moment). I am whoever I am. It is whatever it is. However I feel is how I feel. I’m NICE, when you meet me. I’m pleasant. Most no-good people will think I’m weak, when they meet me, and they’ll try to take advantage of me (there’s a girl online and she just thinks I’m an idiot. She’s bossy and she’s curt and rude and tries to get me to do things SHE wants me to do, and then she likes to talk about me behind my back to the point where people have to tell her to calm down on that… smh and that’s why when she does messiness and I am aware of it, I go ahead and let people know she’s being messy. Because I’m NOT stupid, I’m just not a messy little prick. That’s all).
I am. WHOEVER. I am. And it IS. WHATEVER. It is.
These people who are so quick to believe everything this girl says (that she says because SHE’s hurt because she hurt US, and she feels BAD but can’t bring herself to just ACKNOWLEDGE how messed up that was, and how she feels BAD about it… so she seeks to make us look bad) they believe her because THEY NEVER LIKED US IN THE FIRST PLACE. We’re fit, we’re attractive, we’re striving for success. We travel, we are well-read, we are liked by NICE people. People from the polygynous groups on facebook, when they come to town, they meet up with us, and they GENUINELY like us. Because we’re REAL — we SAY we homeschool our children, and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because our kids are EDUCATED and POLITE. We SAY we have a store and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because our customers LOVE US and they ALWAYS speak well of us. We SAY we travel and we DO and it’s OBVIOUS because, well because of the pictures, of course lol and the fact that, for example, my husband went and climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, reached the top summit, and ended up in the newspaper back in his country for being the FIRST of his countrymen to summit the mountain…
Our friends and family members are great people (we’re all only lightly dysfunctional and every family is lol), but they’re all nice and good people and don’t tend to try to ruin other people’s lives with their antics. Not typically. lol

So at the end of the day, I’m always feeling blessed. And people hate us for who we are and how we area and they’d feel better if we were how she wants to describe us right now…

Okay. That’s what she did. That’s why we were hurt. NOT the break up. That was never the problem and was INITIATED by us.

Sisterhood in Polygyny

January 22, 2014 in polygamy, polygyny | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 comment

Alot of people on the outside of polygyny looking in cannot imagine the idea that women married to the same man could actually be friends with one another.
Western society has put forth the notion that women are naturally jealous of each other. Some of us ACT jealous when we’re really not; we’re just doing what is expected of us.
There are families where the sister-wives are not friends; the idea of the term co-wife rings in the back of my head. They may have no intentions on being friends with each other. Some prefer it this way. The wives do not speak, live in separate locations (sometimes cities/state/countries away from one another). They may only know of each other in name. The husband stays with one wife and her children for a time, then he goes to stay with the other family for a time. The pros of this are that he never has to worry about them ganging up on him when there’s a disagreement. If they DO know each other, and dislike each other, any time they have trouble, whether it be solo or amongst the wives, they will lean on him for comfort and not on each other.
The cons are the amount of time each wife spends by herself, basically being a “single mom” while he’s gone, and the amount of money having to be spent on two separate households. Sometimes that wife has to work and make her own money because the husband’s money can only cover a certain amount of her bills. The man may tire of traveling back and forth, and in some cases, he ends up leaving much-needed items or downright losing them during the travel to and from the houses of his wives.

When the wives are friends, they are more apt to work together, to cooperate, and to want the best for each one’s relationship with the husband (and with each other). If they don’t mind, they may be able to stay in the same house together, or at least on the same land with each other. Chores will get done together, children will be raised together. Their children will not only get to see their father alot more often, but there will be “other mothers” for the children to lean on if their mother is ill or busy at the moment. A lot of men talk about not wanting their wife to talk to them all the time about stuff, and not wanting to have discussions and such. If the wives are friends, they will rely on each other for conversation and discussion (especially discussions of the feminine nature — whatever that entails)
The cons to this arrangement are sometimes, when one wife is mad at you, and she talks to the other wife/wives about it, they might be mad at you, too. Or them talking all the time may end up with them having inside jokes that you’re not privy to (as friends tend to have — especially about “boys” — no matter a woman’s age there can always be some giggling to be found about a man lol). There are certain type of men that have to be honest that they MIGHT just get downright jealous of the friendship the sister-wives have with each other. They might REJOICE in the idea of them being completely separate.

The majority of the people I know like the latter relationship style. But I know people that prefer the former. Personally I cannot fathom the idea of not having a friendship with a woman involved with my husband. I can see it breeding jealousy (“What does he do when he’s at her house? What do they talk about? Do they talk about me? Does he completely forget me when he’s over there?”) and insecurity (“I’ll bet she’s better at everything than I am. I bet she’s a better cook, a better cleaner… I bet…”).

But to know the woman/women my husband also loves — to know them, to love them and to trust them as having the best interest of the family unit in mind and NOT just their individual relationship with our husband — the very idea brings peace to my heart. This woman will be there for my kids if I’m unavailable. She’ll cook his meals when I am unable. She’ll bring her creative mind to the table when we’re working on something. Her sense of humor will make him laugh like mine makes him laugh. She’ll make him happy in her own way, and I will make him happy in my own way, and we’ll all be happy, together.

Sisterhood is highly desirable in polygyny. If you don’t experience it, you’ll never know how harmonious it can be.

Nah get it twisted — I ain’t ready to court any new person yet? (she and I were close — and one day I’ll type it all up from the roota to the toota but, no — I’m not there yet. Just know there were times that she lied to us about things she’d done — speaking ill about us to other people, telling things that we hadn’t discussed telling, then come back and tell us these things didn’t happen, and feign that her feelings were hurt when we confessed one day that we just didn’t trust her because we could SENSE the lies…no I’m still put out with all that. She’d be honest with everyone else that she didn’t know but she’d lie to the people she was supposed to be trying to be with… and it seems she’s doing the same with this next dude as well… I’m not as angry, but I’m not over it and I’m not ready to put my heart into it yet)

But if we ever do it again — again, this is what we’ll be seeking.

Stay tuned!

Blessings!

Polygyny in the Bible

January 13, 2014 in Beliefs, polygamy, polygyny, Uncategorized, Yahweh | 2 comments

I’ve broached this subject before, repeatedly.
I just wanted to point out some things —

1. Adam and Eve being a monogamous relationship is NOT indicating The Most High’s favor TOWARD monogamous relationships. It is only an example of a man and woman being together. THAT IS ALL. That is reflected in all marital relationships in the Bible. There are NO same-sex marriages in the Bible. There are NO inter-species marriages in the Bible. You know why? Because these acts are FORBIDDEN/PROHIBITED by the Bible.
2. Arguments and negative situations in a polygynous relationship in the Bible is NOT indicative of The Most High being against polygyny! Monogamous relationships currently have a divorce rate of AROUND 50% in the United States, at least. NO marital relationship is going to be perfect! Whether it’s polygyny or monogamy, it’s the PEOPLE that will make or break it, not the relationship dynamic itself!
3. Verses concerning adultery and divorce have NOTHING TO DO with polygyny (UNLESS someone polygynous has committed adultery or gotten a divorce!) Adultery is the act of a man having sex with a married woman (NOT married to HIM). Divorce is the act of putting a wife away, or chosing NOT to be married to her anymore…
4. Men in the Bible taking foreign wives and being punished for it is NOT indicative of The Most High being against polygyny! The Most High SPECIFICALLY STATED that Hebrew men were NOT to take foreign women, and HE CALLED IT — he said they’d be led to worship other gods and HE WAS RIGHT AND IT HAPPENED EVERY TIME. That would have happened if the man and woman were MONOGAMOUS or POLYGYNOUS — the relationship dynamic had no bearing on their punishment!
5. Just because YOU feel it’s wrong DOESNT MEAN THAT ITS WRONG! People feel slavery was wrong — but slaves and slave masters were all in the Bible. Slavery is an economic system and NOT ONLY did it build the very country we live in (America… *ahem*), but IT IS STILL GOING ON TODAY.
Your FEELINGS have ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING on The Word of The Most High! Have you EVER analyzed why you feel the way you do about it? COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A COUNTRY BASED ON ROMAN PRINCIPLES — WHERE POLYGYNY IS WRONG, BUT SERIAL MONOGAMY AND AFFAIRS(and homosexual sex) WAS THE NAME OF THE DAY?? So because SOCIETY thinks it’s WRONG and it was BRED INTO YOU that it’s wrong, don’t you think that might have SOMETHING to do with why you feel that way?
Face it — the Bible doesn’t AGREE with you. In FACT, The Most High gave rules FOR polygyny.

When you are against polygyny I understand how hard it can be to change that. Our society feeds us monogamy as the ideal form of marriage — but it ALSO feeds us ALOT of other stuff that is completely backward and ridiculous.
The Bible NEVER speaks against polygyny, but it’s obvious that it happened then, and it happened now, and NEVER does The Most High pit himself against any of the men that practiced it for that reason.

STOP ADDING TO THE WORD OF THE MOST HIGH!

Deuteronomy 4:2 HNV

You shall not add

to the word which I command you, neither shall you diminish from it, that you may keep the mitzvot of the YHWH your Elohim, which I command you.

Deuteronomy 12:32 HNV
Whatever thing I command you, that shall you observe to do:

you shall not add thereto,

nor diminish from it.

Revelations 22:18 HNV
I testify to every man who hears the words of the prophecy of this book,

if anyone adds to them, may YHWH add to him the plagues which are written in this book.

Thinking about Purging it All

January 12, 2014 in polygamy, polygyny | Leave a comment

Okay.
So people who half-way know the situation that happened between us and this woman, they say frustratedly “Move on, just accept the fact that she wasn’t right for your family”.
That’s what they say.
They say that, because they don’t know what all happened. And when they speak to her, she makes it seem as if that’s what we’re mad about — that it didn’t work out.
No. That’s not the problem at all. The fact that she wasn’t right for our family was quite evident after a little while. We kept giving chance after chance and she kept saying that she could hang but after a while it was obvious that she couldn’t. To be honest, my husband kept trying to break it off with her, and salvage her feelings on the matter. This went on for a while.
And I really — REALLY REALLY — want to purge myself and talk about the entire situation, from the problems in the relationship to what happened AFTERWARD (which is the REAL reason our very friendship was torn up.)
I’m thinking about it. Yes.
People want to say, when they hear the whole story “That’s not a good look for either side”, trying to not make their friend look so bad. But no — this isn’t a good look for HER. SHE ends up looking BAD when you see the entire thing from beginning to end. Alot of stuff that she wants to make matter don’t matter when you see the big picture. And small-minded, ignorant people that want to focus on those miniscule things are also not looking at the entire thing. One frayed end does not overtake the pattern of the entire quilt. You have to see the quilt in it’s entirety.
So perhaps I will lay out the quilt here and let people see it.
If I do, I’m just going to copy and paste a conversation I had with a good friend of hers on Facebook. I said everything to this girl because I knew FULL and WELL she would report EVERYTHING I said directly to her. She thinks I told a ton of people the exact words I told her friend. I didn’t. I told HER with a PURPOSE. (and then she wants to come tell me about some fake, late-night conference call where what I’d said to people had been read to her… no — just be honest, your FRIEND told you what I said, because I WANTED IT THAT WAY. I WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT I SAID. NO ONE ELSE COULD HAVE TOLD YOU BECAUSE I DIDN’T TELL THESE THINGS TO ANYONE ELSE. Once again, LYING.)
If I decide not to, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO LOSE INTEREST IN PROJECTS. I’m flighty on some things, like a faerie — I might find something else much more interesting to deal with.
But the idea is on my mind this morning, and I decided to type out my considerations on the matter.

Polygyny: Arguments within the Relationship

January 9, 2014 in polygamy, polygyny | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

There will come a time when people may have a disagreement. The question has been asked time and again — when the other two are arguing (let’s say there’s a family of two wives one husband), what are YOU supposed to do?

Do you A)let them sort it out themselves? B) take a side? C) mediate?

Most people vary between A and C.

Me, personally, in my own situation, I tried to mediate — both parties would come to me, and I’d try to build the bridge between the two. I think that it worked a lot less often than it didn’t. But I just hate it when I can see that there’s clearly been a misunderstanding and that some assistance in communication could help the two clarify their points and come to some solution.

Now me — when he and I argue, I think people should STAY OUT OF IT. We’ve been married 10 years and we’ve known each other for quite a while. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been with us THAT long can tell us anything about each other — you’d have to be with us for a few years before you’d be able to lend us a hand in that situation.
Just be there when we cry or need to vent and that’s all.

So what am I saying, exactly?
I mean — you can stay out of it. I am a firm believer of the 1on1 relationships standing on their own feet. The relationship between my husband and this woman could not stand on it’s own feet. (It COULD HAVE. And I’m not saying that there’s only one person to blame? But there are a lot of things she could have done that she chose not to… we’ll talk about that another time.)That relationship over there has to be able to work ITSELF out. You don’t HAVE to feel obligated to assist with that.

You’ll end up being the hinge. And me, I never wanted to be the hinge. So I was in an uncomfortable place.

Alot of things I’m going to talk about over time. Writing and talking gives me closure and peace.
So… until next time, peace be unto you and unto you be peace.

Realizations of Self

December 30, 2013 in polygamy, polygyny, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Here are some things we’ve realized about ourselves in this recent situation —

We can’t relate to the single people out there. We didn’t realize we were so very different but our entire lives have been different — we got married in our early twenties. We have no idea what it’s like, really, to be grown and single. All of my children are his children and all of his children are my children — there are no baby mamas or baby daddies in our lives. We don’t know what that’s like, to have some adult outside of your household that has a level of say over what the children can and cannot do.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you are constantly checked. You have to either curb or get rid of your bad habits — because there’s always someone else that your habits could hurt or hinder. The way we are is very conservative when it comes to how we relate to each other. I don’t go places he doesn’t want me to go and I don’t do things he doesn’t want me to do, and visa versa. Everything he or I do is within the best interest of our family. When you’re single, the only person you have is you. The only person to bounce choices off of, ultimately, is you. You’re the person you hurt, when you choose to do this or that. Even after having babies — the only right or wrong they know is what you tell them is right or wrong. Our kids have me and their father. With us, if I’m wrong toward the kids, he will check me on it. If he’s wrong toward the kids, I will check him on it. The kids, therefore, have a larger understanding of what’s right and wrong.
From what I can see, the women that I know that have been single for their entire 20s, who may or may not have children, often they remind me of ME — back when I was 21/22. It’s as if they have never had to curb anything bad about them, any little laziness or negativeness about them, and it’s been there, unchecked and so now it’s wild and out of control. The mistakes they seem to make in relationships are mistake I was making before I met my husband. It’s why their relationships don’t last, or they’ve never been chosen as a wife. Seems to me there’s a level of “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” running around here…

Something else we learned is there is a class system and it IS in place. Well really — that’s something I moreso learned. My entire life, being that I’m not like anyone I grew up with, I was bullied. I was told things like “You think you better than us” and “You think you all that” all the time. This made me sad because No, no, I didn’t think I was better than anyone. And so I would try to convince the world that I’m not better than anyone. We are all alike — no one is better and no one is worse, no matter where anyone is from.
But I was always embraced by a certain type of person, and always picked on by a certain type of person. And, after this experience, I think I’ve gotten clear as to why — there IS a class system. Some people TRULY ARE better than another type of person, and their actions WILL show it. It’s almost not enough to be a “nice” person and a “good” person, because a person’s upbringing and environment can mold what the definitions of these types of people are. (I know people don’t like hearing it and I don’t like SAYING it, as it’s still shocking to me that this is true. ALL MY LIFE I have insisted that we’re all the same)
The sister we courted told us (and others) that she’d never seen a wife like me. All the wives she knew were cheating on their husbands or were otherwise “ratchet” (ratchet is a slang word that is originating from mispronunciation of the word “wretched”… FYI…let’s continue). She said she didn’t know HOW to be a wife…

Once she did what she did to us, after we’d broken up, and yet remained friends, I was rather brokenhearted over the whole situation. That’s when I had an epiphany — she is one type of person and we are another type. Two different classes. We took her from one level, and wanted her to be able to adjust to another level.
She couldn’t.
How often is this the case, I wonder?
And when I look into my past, those people who were picking on me… I get it, now. It was unusual at my school for someone to leave the country in the summer (I was 9, we went to Jamaica). It was unusual at my school for someone to dress the way I dressed (not my fault — I wasn’t picking out my clothes in elementary school and my mom kept going to this place that used to be around called Chocolate Soup, where you could get, like, high-end clothing), It was unusual at my school, for you to make straight A’s all the time. It was WEIRD for you to speak how I spoke.
…I should have gone to a better school. I wasn’t with anyone who was like me. THAT’s what the problem was.

Again — we probably won’t court anymore. My husband is not interested in younger women, and we don’t want to deal with the baby-daddy situations (no man will have say over our household but my husband). But a childless woman may want children and he’s not interested in having any more…
If he finds someone that fits his needs I’ll be all for it. But alot of these women seem to have screws loose and we have no interest in trying to help them tighten those screws.

He says he put aside many of his wants for this situation and that he’ll never do that again. I agree — never again.

Things Fall Apart

December 26, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 comment

We had to break it off with the sister we were courting. It was a 10-month relationship, when it was good it was great, when it wasn’t it was bad. At the END of the DAY she wasn’t suited to us. She couldn’t understand the way our household ran. Couldn’t do what a wife, in OUR house, is expected to do (we did a trial-run, where she and her younger children lived with us for 60 days, to see how it would work out). She equated being submissive to feigning 100% agreement with him, but then walking off not TRULY agreeing, and sometimes to the extent of tearing him down behind his back, or simply not doing something he’d asked her to do. I’m submissive — YES — but I’m not stupid. If something he wants doesn’t make sense to me, I speak up. If I wholeheartedly do not agree with his stance, I tell him. I do this, because we need to TRULY be on one accord in regards to the directions of this family, and in addressing situations this family goes into. I advised HER to do the same, because TRULY, if you do not COMPLETELY agree with what he’s telling you to do, then you are PROBABLY not a good fit.
She says she learned alot from the situation and I certainly hope she did. We learned some things, too. And initially we walked off with at least our friendships still intact.
The Breaking Up of Us actually revealed alot of other things about her, and to some extent, she is not to be blamed. Not REALLY. We are all products of our environments. And when you’re not taught better, you can’t do better, and while sometimes HOW to do better is RIGHT THERE, under your NOSE, you can’t see it because of who you are and how you are.
She lied. She did alot of lying. And she knows it. The way she is, she lies to preserve herself. How we individuals deal with problems goes back to our childhoods — we learn how to handle issues around age 6 or 7, regardless of right or wrong, and we deal with them in this way all the way into our adulthood. We continue in this way, until we are made to recognize that this is a pattern at which point we have the choice to change it. That is very difficult; most will choose to continue the way they always have. And deal with situations the same way they always have dealt with them.
(I’d like to say now, that REALLY, once you’re an adult, you are ultimately responsible for your own issues and can’t fully use the excuse of “it’s the way I was brought up” or “I had a horrible childhood” or “that’s the way we are, where I’m from”. NO EXCUSE. We understand, yes, and we get it — but there’s no true excuse…)
When we were initially hit in the face with her lies, it was about something that happened after our break up. It affected our friendship with her, and truly broke it down. It’s done; we can’t be friends with someone that does friends that way. Feelings were hurt, betrayal was felt. Anger, too. But what compounds that is the revelation of how many things she lied about during the relationship. Stuff that, when you want to be in a relationship with someone, you should tell them, yes. It may be bad, you may have made a mistake, but you have to tell them and allow them to handle the mistake in whatever way they plan to handle it. It’s not up to you to not tell them — you take the choice away from them, when you do that. Not cool.

Other things we have learned about ourselves is something I’ll probably have to put in another post. Alot of people who know of the situation have chosen sides — but the people that REALLY know what happened are the three of us. No one knows her, and no one knows us. But WE THREE, *we* know each other well enough. People are thinking that we had a problem with the break up, but as I’ve expressed here (and to them as well, but they refuse to listen…hard of hearing much? a-heh) the problem wasn’t the break up. We were on VERY amicable terms afterward, we were still talking on the phone, almost every day.
Anyway, people have asked us to mediate and I don’t do that for people I have no intentions on keeping in my life to some degree. I have 3 best friends. THREE. And I have a circle that extends out from THEM, people that I do love and who love me and like me. If WE have a falling out, I will accept mediation on that. Other than THEM, I have no interest in doing that for anyone else. I am happy with who I am and how I am and no matter how it hurts to have to lose this person (because of THEIR mistakes, not mine. I was NOTHING but a friend), I am glad the loss was sooner than later. I am happy where we are, now. I wish her well, I pray for her and her children, and We will move forward — upward and onward, unto the next life.

 

Polygamists in The Rock

May 10, 2013 in polygamy, polygyny, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’d be great if we could all live like these people!! But can we get along with others? Can people be HONEST with who is a worthy “leader” and who is not (because all types of communities end up with some obvious leaders and SOMETIMES those leaders are chosen by what’s POPULAR not by who’s the RIGHT one)?

http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2012/11/polygamists-in-the-rock/100406/

Brother Polight and “The God Family”

May 10, 2013 in polygamy, polygyny | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Bro. Polight talks about “The God Family”, and while I don’t necessarily agree with his belief system-verbiage on the matter I UNDERSTAND what he’s saying and to ME, it is more than acceptable.