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I’ve broached this subject before, repeatedly.
I just wanted to point out some things —
1. Adam and Eve being a monogamous relationship is NOT indicating The Most High’s favor TOWARD monogamous relationships. It is only an example of a man and woman being together. THAT IS ALL. That is reflected in all marital relationships in the Bible. There are NO same-sex marriages in the Bible. There are NO inter-species marriages in the Bible. You know why? Because these acts are FORBIDDEN/PROHIBITED by the Bible.
2. Arguments and negative situations in a polygynous relationship in the Bible is NOT indicative of The Most High being against polygyny! Monogamous relationships currently have a divorce rate of AROUND 50% in the United States, at least. NO marital relationship is going to be perfect! Whether it’s polygyny or monogamy, it’s the PEOPLE that will make or break it, not the relationship dynamic itself!
3. Verses concerning adultery and divorce have NOTHING TO DO with polygyny (UNLESS someone polygynous has committed adultery or gotten a divorce!) Adultery is the act of a man having sex with a married woman (NOT married to HIM). Divorce is the act of putting a wife away, or chosing NOT to be married to her anymore…
4. Men in the Bible taking foreign wives and being punished for it is NOT indicative of The Most High being against polygyny! The Most High SPECIFICALLY STATED that Hebrew men were NOT to take foreign women, and HE CALLED IT — he said they’d be led to worship other gods and HE WAS RIGHT AND IT HAPPENED EVERY TIME. That would have happened if the man and woman were MONOGAMOUS or POLYGYNOUS — the relationship dynamic had no bearing on their punishment!
5. Just because YOU feel it’s wrong DOESNT MEAN THAT ITS WRONG! People feel slavery was wrong — but slaves and slave masters were all in the Bible. Slavery is an economic system and NOT ONLY did it build the very country we live in (America… *ahem*), but IT IS STILL GOING ON TODAY.
Your FEELINGS have ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING on The Word of The Most High! Have you EVER analyzed why you feel the way you do about it? COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A COUNTRY BASED ON ROMAN PRINCIPLES — WHERE POLYGYNY IS WRONG, BUT SERIAL MONOGAMY AND AFFAIRS(and homosexual sex) WAS THE NAME OF THE DAY?? So because SOCIETY thinks it’s WRONG and it was BRED INTO YOU that it’s wrong, don’t you think that might have SOMETHING to do with why you feel that way?
Face it — the Bible doesn’t AGREE with you. In FACT, The Most High gave rules FOR polygyny.
When you are against polygyny I understand how hard it can be to change that. Our society feeds us monogamy as the ideal form of marriage — but it ALSO feeds us ALOT of other stuff that is completely backward and ridiculous.
The Bible NEVER speaks against polygyny, but it’s obvious that it happened then, and it happened now, and NEVER does The Most High pit himself against any of the men that practiced it for that reason.
STOP ADDING TO THE WORD OF THE MOST HIGH!
Deuteronomy 4:2 HNV
You shall not add
to the word which I command you, neither shall you diminish from it, that you may keep the mitzvot of the YHWH your Elohim, which I command you.
Deuteronomy 12:32 HNV
Whatever thing I command you, that shall you observe to do:
you shall not add thereto,
nor diminish from it.
Revelations 22:18 HNV
I testify to every man who hears the words of the prophecy of this book,
if anyone adds to them, may YHWH add to him the plagues which are written in this book.
Okay.
So people who half-way know the situation that happened between us and this woman, they say frustratedly “Move on, just accept the fact that she wasn’t right for your family”.
That’s what they say.
They say that, because they don’t know what all happened. And when they speak to her, she makes it seem as if that’s what we’re mad about — that it didn’t work out.
No. That’s not the problem at all. The fact that she wasn’t right for our family was quite evident after a little while. We kept giving chance after chance and she kept saying that she could hang but after a while it was obvious that she couldn’t. To be honest, my husband kept trying to break it off with her, and salvage her feelings on the matter. This went on for a while.
And I really — REALLY REALLY — want to purge myself and talk about the entire situation, from the problems in the relationship to what happened AFTERWARD (which is the REAL reason our very friendship was torn up.)
I’m thinking about it. Yes.
People want to say, when they hear the whole story “That’s not a good look for either side”, trying to not make their friend look so bad. But no — this isn’t a good look for HER. SHE ends up looking BAD when you see the entire thing from beginning to end. Alot of stuff that she wants to make matter don’t matter when you see the big picture. And small-minded, ignorant people that want to focus on those miniscule things are also not looking at the entire thing. One frayed end does not overtake the pattern of the entire quilt. You have to see the quilt in it’s entirety.
So perhaps I will lay out the quilt here and let people see it.
If I do, I’m just going to copy and paste a conversation I had with a good friend of hers on Facebook. I said everything to this girl because I knew FULL and WELL she would report EVERYTHING I said directly to her. She thinks I told a ton of people the exact words I told her friend. I didn’t. I told HER with a PURPOSE. (and then she wants to come tell me about some fake, late-night conference call where what I’d said to people had been read to her… no — just be honest, your FRIEND told you what I said, because I WANTED IT THAT WAY. I WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT I SAID. NO ONE ELSE COULD HAVE TOLD YOU BECAUSE I DIDN’T TELL THESE THINGS TO ANYONE ELSE. Once again, LYING.)
If I decide not to, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO LOSE INTEREST IN PROJECTS. I’m flighty on some things, like a faerie — I might find something else much more interesting to deal with.
But the idea is on my mind this morning, and I decided to type out my considerations on the matter.
There will come a time when people may have a disagreement. The question has been asked time and again — when the other two are arguing (let’s say there’s a family of two wives one husband), what are YOU supposed to do?
Do you A)let them sort it out themselves? B) take a side? C) mediate?
Most people vary between A and C.
Me, personally, in my own situation, I tried to mediate — both parties would come to me, and I’d try to build the bridge between the two. I think that it worked a lot less often than it didn’t. But I just hate it when I can see that there’s clearly been a misunderstanding and that some assistance in communication could help the two clarify their points and come to some solution.
Now me — when he and I argue, I think people should STAY OUT OF IT. We’ve been married 10 years and we’ve known each other for quite a while. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been with us THAT long can tell us anything about each other — you’d have to be with us for a few years before you’d be able to lend us a hand in that situation.
Just be there when we cry or need to vent and that’s all.
So what am I saying, exactly?
I mean — you can stay out of it. I am a firm believer of the 1on1 relationships standing on their own feet. The relationship between my husband and this woman could not stand on it’s own feet. (It COULD HAVE. And I’m not saying that there’s only one person to blame? But there are a lot of things she could have done that she chose not to… we’ll talk about that another time.)That relationship over there has to be able to work ITSELF out. You don’t HAVE to feel obligated to assist with that.
You’ll end up being the hinge. And me, I never wanted to be the hinge. So I was in an uncomfortable place.
Alot of things I’m going to talk about over time. Writing and talking gives me closure and peace.
So… until next time, peace be unto you and unto you be peace.
Here are some things we’ve realized about ourselves in this recent situation —
We can’t relate to the single people out there. We didn’t realize we were so very different but our entire lives have been different — we got married in our early twenties. We have no idea what it’s like, really, to be grown and single. All of my children are his children and all of his children are my children — there are no baby mamas or baby daddies in our lives. We don’t know what that’s like, to have some adult outside of your household that has a level of say over what the children can and cannot do.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you are constantly checked. You have to either curb or get rid of your bad habits — because there’s always someone else that your habits could hurt or hinder. The way we are is very conservative when it comes to how we relate to each other. I don’t go places he doesn’t want me to go and I don’t do things he doesn’t want me to do, and visa versa. Everything he or I do is within the best interest of our family. When you’re single, the only person you have is you. The only person to bounce choices off of, ultimately, is you. You’re the person you hurt, when you choose to do this or that. Even after having babies — the only right or wrong they know is what you tell them is right or wrong. Our kids have me and their father. With us, if I’m wrong toward the kids, he will check me on it. If he’s wrong toward the kids, I will check him on it. The kids, therefore, have a larger understanding of what’s right and wrong.
From what I can see, the women that I know that have been single for their entire 20s, who may or may not have children, often they remind me of ME — back when I was 21/22. It’s as if they have never had to curb anything bad about them, any little laziness or negativeness about them, and it’s been there, unchecked and so now it’s wild and out of control. The mistakes they seem to make in relationships are mistake I was making before I met my husband. It’s why their relationships don’t last, or they’ve never been chosen as a wife. Seems to me there’s a level of “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” running around here…
Something else we learned is there is a class system and it IS in place. Well really — that’s something I moreso learned. My entire life, being that I’m not like anyone I grew up with, I was bullied. I was told things like “You think you better than us” and “You think you all that” all the time. This made me sad because No, no, I didn’t think I was better than anyone. And so I would try to convince the world that I’m not better than anyone. We are all alike — no one is better and no one is worse, no matter where anyone is from.
But I was always embraced by a certain type of person, and always picked on by a certain type of person. And, after this experience, I think I’ve gotten clear as to why — there IS a class system. Some people TRULY ARE better than another type of person, and their actions WILL show it. It’s almost not enough to be a “nice” person and a “good” person, because a person’s upbringing and environment can mold what the definitions of these types of people are. (I know people don’t like hearing it and I don’t like SAYING it, as it’s still shocking to me that this is true. ALL MY LIFE I have insisted that we’re all the same)
The sister we courted told us (and others) that she’d never seen a wife like me. All the wives she knew were cheating on their husbands or were otherwise “ratchet” (ratchet is a slang word that is originating from mispronunciation of the word “wretched”… FYI…let’s continue). She said she didn’t know HOW to be a wife…
Once she did what she did to us, after we’d broken up, and yet remained friends, I was rather brokenhearted over the whole situation. That’s when I had an epiphany — she is one type of person and we are another type. Two different classes. We took her from one level, and wanted her to be able to adjust to another level.
She couldn’t.
How often is this the case, I wonder?
And when I look into my past, those people who were picking on me… I get it, now. It was unusual at my school for someone to leave the country in the summer (I was 9, we went to Jamaica). It was unusual at my school for someone to dress the way I dressed (not my fault — I wasn’t picking out my clothes in elementary school and my mom kept going to this place that used to be around called Chocolate Soup, where you could get, like, high-end clothing), It was unusual at my school, for you to make straight A’s all the time. It was WEIRD for you to speak how I spoke.
…I should have gone to a better school. I wasn’t with anyone who was like me. THAT’s what the problem was.
Again — we probably won’t court anymore. My husband is not interested in younger women, and we don’t want to deal with the baby-daddy situations (no man will have say over our household but my husband). But a childless woman may want children and he’s not interested in having any more…
If he finds someone that fits his needs I’ll be all for it. But alot of these women seem to have screws loose and we have no interest in trying to help them tighten those screws.
He says he put aside many of his wants for this situation and that he’ll never do that again. I agree — never again.
It’d be great if we could all live like these people!! But can we get along with others? Can people be HONEST with who is a worthy “leader” and who is not (because all types of communities end up with some obvious leaders and SOMETIMES those leaders are chosen by what’s POPULAR not by who’s the RIGHT one)?
http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2012/11/polygamists-in-the-rock/100406/
Bro. Polight talks about “The God Family”, and while I don’t necessarily agree with his belief system-verbiage on the matter I UNDERSTAND what he’s saying and to ME, it is more than acceptable.
Brother has done a few videos on polygamy:
We’re great.
She’s great.
We talk on the phone all the time, on the texts and FB msgr. They’re trying to work out a schedule because him and her, they are pretty much on the phone all day long. I don’t mind either way; it’s been me and him for a decade lol. I be right there (you like that bad English? WHATEVER I BE RIGHT THERE) when they talking.
She’s going to try to come and visit soon. I REALLY hope it all works out and that she will come (NOT like that LAST sister that claimed to be coming and then dropped out 45 minutes AFTER we went to pick her up at the airport!!).
She’s goofy, like me. Three dorks, together it’s hilarious.
We Skype/tango a lot. Whichever works better.
She likes to discuss and debate; she’s smart and has opinions.
No secrets. Fears and concerns are discussed. Because — we’re all westernized beings…and change, while painful, is cleansing.
He and I, when we met, we moved fast. She likes to move fast, too. So we will SEE what becomes of us.
I told them both, tho — that I’m getting old (ha, only early 30s but whatever). If this doesn’t work out, I may not do this again. Because when I get used to a person being in my life, even if it is just long distance like this is now — and it doesn’t work out and so I lose that person in some kind of fashion, my heart hurts. I am sad. I was SAD and DEPRESSED and we just stayed AWAY from courting.
So I don’t know if I wanna do it again, if this doesn’t work out.
WE ARE OKAY WITH NOT HAVING ANOTHER WIFE.
That’s not the depression.
It’s the same depression of any relationship break up. Why the break up? It wouldn’t matter — whether she did something or we did something or if it just was a mutual break up — I’ma be SAD man I’ma be soooo sad.
It’s like — you get married and you feel like you should never have to deal with breakup sadness again… with Nasi — aka, the Girl that Didn’t Exist (they call them catfishes now), major break up sadness, no closure… I have to set apart with myself to gain closure from even friendships when they dissolve…
So I hope and pray it all works out. We have a good time with this sister, she’s funny and corny and so are we. It’s easy to laugh with her. And it’s easy to be serious with her, as well, because she’s smart.
Where she’s from — she’s like the rose and grew from concrete.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/our-own-voices/2012/10/30/polygamypolygyny
I forgot to post here that I would be doing a radio show. We did it yesterday afternoon? It was very interesting even tho I somehow got disconnected at the end.
When my husband came home we listened to it again and he said it was very good. *I* was shocked that the guy offered me the LAST WORD and I had already gotten disconnected!! I WANNA HAVE THE LAST WORD SOMEWHERE!!! AWWW MAAAYUUUNNN!!
Disappointed.
What would I have said anyway?!
I dunno. Something about giving polygyny a chance as a marital option in America. Something about not voting against it, and allowing those that WANT to try polygyny to be able to do it legally, where things can be sanctioned and addressed and all of that.
Anyway the show people say they want to do a Part II and make it a round table event. So when THAT happens, I’ll update y’all here as well.
Alright. I’m done. Gotta remember to keep the porch light off tonight so that kids don’t come looking for CANDY. it’s halloween tonight. BAH HUMBUG. Or whatever.
Here is the FULL STORY of the TWO women we courted. We are not gamblers?? We went to Vegas once and were irritated when we won $5 and then lost $6. We never gambled again and that’s what it’s like lol, actively looking. So we take it easy now. IF someone were to come, so be it. But if it never happens, that’s fine too. 🙂
We did not mention names and I didn’t want to mention anything too particular in order to continue their anonymity…
The video is an hour long — first half for one potential, second half for the other.
Yah bless!!
Coarse: A Blog 