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In some cultures, men can take wives and the other wives will not be able to say yea or nay on the matter.
The man will go off, acquire a new bride, bring her home and everyone is expected to adjust accordingly.
This seems, to me, to leaves wives in a position to where they have no say over who they will build a family with.
That type of polygyny makes me sad. We don’t have to be in any way alike, we don’t have to like any of the same things. We can be our own types of people. All I ask for is a team-player mentality, the WANT to build this empire for the betterment of all of us.
There are women who are preaching that NO, the existing wives should have NO SAY. I SUSPECT it’s because they themselves are recently acquired wives and perhaps the existing wives were saying no to her being the one to join the family. And the husband invoked his “you have no say”-ness to it, and married her anyway. These women have no loyalty to the Universal Sisterhood of All Women, which dictates that you don’t allow these kinds of things to happen to your sister. You don’t allow her “choice” to be taken away.
What about existing wives in monogamy that DONT want a polygynous relationship?
YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER FORCE THEM. Even if you feel as if it’s your God-given right! YOU DONT DO IT. You’ve already got a wife. You should love her in the same way that you love yourself! You’d never FORCE yourself in such a situation. No — you value yourself TOO MUCH for that!
You can try convincing her, you can educate her on it, you can insist she read up on it and at least CONSIDER changing her view of it. But if she’s a decent wife, caring for house and home…and loving you…there’s no reason other than selfishness to steamroll past her dislike of polygyny. Don’t hurt that relationship with her for something that MAY NOT WORK OUT ANYWAY, thanks to the brokenness of people’s minds today.
You’ll be like that dog who had a small bone and when he looked in the water he saw a dog with a larger bone. He was unaware that this was his reflection and decided that he wanted THAT dogs bone. But in order to get THAT larger bone, he’d have to drop his own bone. So he let out a fierce bark and dropped his bone. He went after what he saw as the larger bone, and lost his small bone in the process. When he jumped in the water, the dog he saw, and it’s larger bone, disappeared.
…You don’t do that.
Please. Allow your wives to have a say. When they say it, dig into why they feel the way they feel and give it a consideration. You owe it to them, because you’d want people to do that for you in such a MAJOR situation (because taking on wives is NOT child’s play — wives are people with feelings, emotions, personalities, mindsets, etc and they deserve respect and consideration).
…did you know that loyalty is more important to me than love in a relationship?
(Don’t believe the nonsense you hear — I love Cepha, very much. He loves me. We find each other extremely attractive. We are gentle with each other most of the time)
Loyalty is so very important.
When you’re loyal, you stick to your agreements. Whether you’re “in love” or not, you make sure to uphold your end of things. When you’re loyal, and things end, YOU don’t come out looking like things were your fault.
You shouldn’t make a relationship with a person that’s not loyal to you. If they are smiling in your face but running off to people who don’t like you, to talk shit about you (if you’re lucky enough to find out about it), you don’t be with that person. That person’s best interest is not the unit. That person’s interest is not the TEAM. Its’ themSELVES.
So leave them to themselves. That’d be the smartest thing to do.
When I have a relationship issue, and I need to turn to someone, I turn to women who have had long, successful marriages. I turn to people that are FOR the success of MY relationship with my husband. I don’t look for someone who doesn’t like him anyway, to talk to and agree in my griping. And I DONT talk to people who tell me to leave. (If he was beating or neglecting me, I could understand the sentiment for me to leave — but I don’t need anyone to tell me to leave from that. I’d be gone). I don’t believe in leaving before you’ve given your all.
You don’t seek out single women to help you with your relationship issue. I just don’t believe in that. I know single women think they have good advice. I know DIVORCED women think they have good advice. But I take what they say with a grain of salt. Because often it seems that their conclusion for everything is “leave him!” “Kick him out!” “Divorce him!” and in my head I’m like “Gee…just for that??…naaah”
I ALSO don’t advise a woman seeking out a man’s advice on her relationship issues. EVEN if he’s a minister, rabbi, imam, or boss. The ONLY time I’d be okay with that is if his wife is sitting right there, and is able to give HER view on it, as well. No matter how nice or righteous a man seems, it’s just better to err on the side of caution on that. I hear often of women pouring their hearts out to some man about the problems in their relationship and the man uses the woman’s vulnerable disposition to convince her to seek more than comfort from him.
No — I have some people in my corner that I wholeheartedly trust their advice. My mother is one, Emah AnaYah is another. I know I can always bend their ear, and I know that they will give me reasonable advice and even tell me if I was wrong for doing this or that or the other. I don’t need people that say I did the right thing but know damn well I was wrong, hanging around me trying to give me advice.
I gotta take my hair down ASAP. But I’m so busy… the store is growing exponentially, along with the amount of customers. They’re nice, my customers. They like me well enough to return constantly. We haven’t had any shoplifters, and I think it’s because the cameras are everywhere, and the flatscreen on the wall is showing people that they’re being watched. Humans steal less when they think they’re being watched — you could paint an eye on the wall and it would still subconsciously affect them the same way — isn’t that crazy? That’s science, right there.
Shalom!
Coarse: A Blog 