You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘life’ tag.
Do you know how to be a friend? I mean a REAL friend — not one of these online-only friends, telephone-only friends, skype-only friends. Those relationships are nice and they have their place. But I’m talking about being a friend to those in your physical vicinity. Do you know how to be a REAL, TRUE friend??
For the most part I am EVERYONE’s friend on the internet. Yes! For the most part! If you come to me and you need help with something on the internet, lol, like researching, or finding something — I’m there for you. If you want to just talk about things, vent, exchange ideas and knowledge and information — I’m there for you! Absolutely; I love to learn, let’s learn!
But in real-life relationships…I only have maybe less than 50 people I can call full-fledged friends, and 3 of those are my best-of-the-best-besties that NO ONE has yet to trump as important to my life (note: a sister-wife would trump them. We’re sharing the same man, we’re sharing our days together. So yeah — you’d be more important, co-wifey).
We don’t have a perfect relationship. We get INTO it (OMG) when it’s bad it’s bad, lol. But we ACTIVELY insist on being friends with each other, and have been like that since we met. We are NOT the same — each one of us is her own type of person. But we share the same sense of humor (for the most part) and we have alot of HISTORY together. Lots of remember-whens that connect us to each other.
I talk to these women every day — probably pretty much ALL day, on and off, most of the time. There are times when we’re all busy — we all have families, we have careers, we have lives. I’m Hebrew, one is Christian, the other one is something in between the two with some Islam tossed in and the other one is Christian-lite — lol I don’t think she’s much interested at all in beliefs but she doesn’t NOT believe she’s just indifferent.
So we are friends through our differences and our opinions. We’ll tease each other, we’ll give each other hard advice, we’re there when someone needs to cry (ITS NEVER ME *points at friends* YALL A BUNCH A CRY BABIES lol — no I just get MAD when y’all cry and want to hurt the source of your sadness. I want to beat it to a pulp — how dare that situation make you cry!!! I HATE IT for you!!! I invoke Lil John on your sadness for you lol)
We are our OWN party — if we invite one another to something, we KNOW WE gone have fun, if ain’t nobody else having fun. WE will enjoy one another’s company, each other’s jokes, we’ll do our old-school dance routines together.
We wanna go out and someone like “I don’t have any money” if we REALLLY want them to go people are like “COME! I’ll pay for you don’t worry about it JUST COME!!”
We love each other very much.
Relationships take work but this friendship between us is something effortless. We are just there. When I moved away for 3 or so years, still talked daily via email. I’m the one who DOESNT talk on the phone — they all talk on the phone even tho we text and message each other all damned day. I’m busy I have to have absolutely NOTHING else to tend to for me to want to be on the phone. So they don’t tend to call me and visa versa and IM OKAY WITH THAT. When I call, we talk. When they call, we talk.
We have a few friends outside of our little circle. Those girls are our closest friends — they have THEIR besties and we love THEIR besties, so there’s all these intertwining circles that make up who we are as a group of people. Some people like each other more than others, others don’t like each other in the LEAST — but hey, we will ALL go out together, we will ALL have a blast together, we attend each other’s parties, baby showers, bridal showers, weddings — our kids go to each other’s parties and if we’ve ALL got 3 kids or thereabouts that’s a built in PARTY-extravaganza lol.
We used to have alot of events at our house (our house isn’t big but we have a big-sized backyard for our city, and a large front yard, as well) and there’d be all these kids, all these adults…the men would BBQ, drink beer and smoke (if they smoke) OUTSIDE, and they’d keep an eye on the children who were on our swingset, or in the pool we used to have, or just playing volleyball…and all the women — the MAJORITY of the women — would be inside the house, having a drink, preparing side-dishes to go with the meat, and talking about CRAZINESS, fits of laughter and when a man came in to get something everyone would stop talking and look at him and he’d be like “—I just…came to get the sauce…”
“Okay…”
And he’d grab it and back out of the room through the patio door, and we’d ALL bust out laughing.
You need ANYTHING from this net of people — we gotchu, don’t worry. Everybody has some way to assist you in whatever it is — need a job? Someone can find you a job. You need a place to stay, someone will find you a place to stay. You looking for a date? We got someone we can fix you up with, even if it’s just for an event, lol.
I don’t know… I don’t understand other people and this is why — my relationships are already established and here, and no matter WHAT I DO, or what THEY DO, no matter WHAT the madness is — they will TELL YOU YOU WRONG, YES, but they love you through it. You’ll still be friends, if you can take them telling you what you need to hear about you and what you got going on.
Most of them know I’m polygynous-minded. Extended friends will offer up other friends and be like “She need to join y’all’s family” and that person will giggle and be like “Y’all staahp!”
We are TRUE friends. Not perfect, no — people betray and stuff falls apart but you take your time and you put it back together.
We not going anywhere.
But you can’t come into this net of people and be new (SOMETIMES people are new — I’ve made two new friends in the past decade that have been almost completely absorbed into The Circle, lol. You can’t even tell that I MET THEM FIRST, lol.) and then do some fucked up shit. No. That will get you FOR SURE cut off. And EVERYONE will cut you off.
ANYWAAAAAY…I don’t think people really know how to be friends. You have to actively commit to the friendship, you have to prove yourself and over time it will be shown that yes, you and that person are friends.
But that online-friendship — you’re only friends to a certain extent. In comparison to real-life friendships…it’s NOTHING. You have NO real history, nothing tangible.
This post REALLY isn’t about anything much.
Here’s how our days are spent. I’ll try to describe different days.
BEFORE we had the store —
5:30 wake up, make breakfast. Have coffee with hubby. Watch news or discuss stuff.
6:30 Husband leaves or work. I either finish my coffee and read, or run on Facebook, work out….go back to sleep whatever. This is my “me” time. (going back to sleep is a final option, if I’m REAAALLLY tired)
7:30 shower get dressed brush teeth
8:30 wake the kids, get them to eat breakfast. They can play for a while but they need to be dressed and teeth brushed by 10.
10:30 class begins. Used to be on Monday’s we’d have bible class ONLY, and Tuesday thru Thursday other subjects. Friday would be a free day and of course the weekend is free.
12:00 or 12:30 is lunch.
1 to 3 if there’s any more class to be had, we have it. (But the thing about homeschooling is that it doesn’t last all day the way regular school does. There’s only three of them, they’re all at different stages in their education. But not alot of time is spent in making people sit down and stay seated, or having to ask for water, or having to discipline. Walking in lines and all that nonsense.) If not, I’m cleaning up.
4 to 6 I’m preparing a meal. Usually I’d try to have a LITTLE something for him after 3p. Because of the way his job is set up, he could come home at any time and when a hard-working man comes home, he’s hungry. So you want him to be able to eat. So chips and guacamole, some tacos, some heat up tv meal, a sammich — something!
6 to 8 tentatively is dinner. I serve EVERYBODY before I get my own stuff. But I have a rule — after I sit down, I’m not getting up again before I’m done eating. Dont’ bother me. Get it yourself.
8 to 9 bedtime for the kids. Shower, whatever. Go to bed, darlings.
We’re in bed soon after. No later than 11:30p.
AFTER the store was opened —
Depends on the morning because hubby doesn’t work the same hours anymore, the main office is closer to home (not too close. It’s DALLAS — we ALLLL commute). So some mornings we’re up at 5:30 but more often than not: —
7 – make coffee. Have coffee and chill and talk.
7:30 – wake up the kids and start breakfast.
8 kids eat breakfast. Afterward, plates in sink, and they know to go brush teeth and put on clothes.
8:20 – shower (Husband leaves at SOME point. Just depends)
8:40 – trying to get out of here. We will leave at SOME point.
9 open the store
10:30 – snack time, then class begins DURING snack. We begin with history and REALLY history is me reading out loud and stopping to explain things and issues in the text to my little students. They ask questions, we may watch a video. Then we move on to other assignments.
12:30 lunch.
1-2 finish class.
3 or 4 my dad comes and gets them and they go home. That’s about the time it gets busy around here — teens are out of school, adults are starting to get off of work…
Husband shows up on and off during the day, whenever he can.
(7:15 is bath time for the kids whether they’ve had dinner yet or not)
8 we closing up
8:30 is dinner.
9:30 is bedtime for children. We either go to bed, or catch up on shows we like (Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Doomsday Preppers, Bring it!, Big Bang Theory).
We are still in bed before 11:30
That’s pretty much every day. I know there’s a Friday Night women’s call concerning all things polygyny but you won’t find me on it because Friday night is Shabbat and I wanna spend it in my husband’s face talking to him, lol. Perhaps if it was on another day? We’re very family oriented anyway. And what we’ve learned through this journey called ‘Life’ (Electric word, ‘Life’ — it means forever. And that’s a mighty long time, but I’m here to tell you — there’s something else…) is that often all he and I have, is each other and our own selves at the end of the day. So I’m not a phone talker. If you not family or a close CLOSE friend, I’m not on the phone with you (and I don’t talk on the phone with close friends, either. We message all day on facebook, and we see each other when we can. No love lost ever).
That’s okay, though. We like each other. So it’s a good thing, the attachment we have with each other. If we ever stumble upon another wife I know he wants THAT kind of attachment with HER, too. But doesn’t seem like it’s gonna happen, so…
Just Us.
Oh, and Sundays are a little different but not by much. And so long as my dad’s there, I don’t have to wash a dish. He and I BOTH like washing dishes but I’m busy so there’s no longer a fight and a fuss between my dad and I over who’s gonna wash the dishes (“I AM!” “No, I AM!” lol).
ANNNNNDddd I got my sons to sort their own clothes after washing them, and to put them away!!!
Maybe next time I’ll address fully these “attachment” remarks. If I CARE. I’m flighty like that though — I’ll care right NOW, and then I won’t give a damn in a couple of days.
Peace out.
…did you know that loyalty is more important to me than love in a relationship?
(Don’t believe the nonsense you hear — I love Cepha, very much. He loves me. We find each other extremely attractive. We are gentle with each other most of the time)
Loyalty is so very important.
When you’re loyal, you stick to your agreements. Whether you’re “in love” or not, you make sure to uphold your end of things. When you’re loyal, and things end, YOU don’t come out looking like things were your fault.
You shouldn’t make a relationship with a person that’s not loyal to you. If they are smiling in your face but running off to people who don’t like you, to talk shit about you (if you’re lucky enough to find out about it), you don’t be with that person. That person’s best interest is not the unit. That person’s interest is not the TEAM. Its’ themSELVES.
So leave them to themselves. That’d be the smartest thing to do.
When I have a relationship issue, and I need to turn to someone, I turn to women who have had long, successful marriages. I turn to people that are FOR the success of MY relationship with my husband. I don’t look for someone who doesn’t like him anyway, to talk to and agree in my griping. And I DONT talk to people who tell me to leave. (If he was beating or neglecting me, I could understand the sentiment for me to leave — but I don’t need anyone to tell me to leave from that. I’d be gone). I don’t believe in leaving before you’ve given your all.
You don’t seek out single women to help you with your relationship issue. I just don’t believe in that. I know single women think they have good advice. I know DIVORCED women think they have good advice. But I take what they say with a grain of salt. Because often it seems that their conclusion for everything is “leave him!” “Kick him out!” “Divorce him!” and in my head I’m like “Gee…just for that??…naaah”
I ALSO don’t advise a woman seeking out a man’s advice on her relationship issues. EVEN if he’s a minister, rabbi, imam, or boss. The ONLY time I’d be okay with that is if his wife is sitting right there, and is able to give HER view on it, as well. No matter how nice or righteous a man seems, it’s just better to err on the side of caution on that. I hear often of women pouring their hearts out to some man about the problems in their relationship and the man uses the woman’s vulnerable disposition to convince her to seek more than comfort from him.
No — I have some people in my corner that I wholeheartedly trust their advice. My mother is one, Emah AnaYah is another. I know I can always bend their ear, and I know that they will give me reasonable advice and even tell me if I was wrong for doing this or that or the other. I don’t need people that say I did the right thing but know damn well I was wrong, hanging around me trying to give me advice.
I gotta take my hair down ASAP. But I’m so busy… the store is growing exponentially, along with the amount of customers. They’re nice, my customers. They like me well enough to return constantly. We haven’t had any shoplifters, and I think it’s because the cameras are everywhere, and the flatscreen on the wall is showing people that they’re being watched. Humans steal less when they think they’re being watched — you could paint an eye on the wall and it would still subconsciously affect them the same way — isn’t that crazy? That’s science, right there.
Shalom!
Coarse: A Blog 