I am obsessed with polygyny.
I read about it all the time. I search the internet for new polygamy blogs, sites, forums, etc. I read over and over in the Scriptures what is said about these men of God and all of their wives. Everyone around me looks at me as if I’ve totally lost my mind… perhaps I have.
Why does it intrigue me so? I don’t know. My sister believes it is because my life is so busy and so difficult, that subconciously I want someone there to help take up the slack. She could be right; she could be wrong. I am inside me so I cannot see what she sees lol.
I look at a potential sister-wife as a built-in friend, a person I can look at as another sister, another part of me, who I can confide in and who can be there for me. I do anticipate the help that another woman could bring — someone to cook while I wash dishes and visa versa, someone to sit with the baby while I give Ari a bath. Someone to go along with me when I go grocery shopping or clothes shopping.
And that’s not all — my husband, he is a strong man. He is a smart man and he’s very…intimidating. Most of us that are still in our Western mindset cannot fathom the type of man he is. We run away from men like him, he’s scary, he’s “too smart” lol. He anticipates my next move, he knows what I’m thinking and he knows why I do or say whatever it is that I do or say. It’s frightening, to be known so well. But, when you get to know my husband, he knows everybody like that. When it comes to his trades (he’s a MASTER of all trades, lol. Not a jack lol) he knows them just as well as he knows me. He is the best at everything he does…
Which is why I, a typical, above average, American Black woman, cannot seem to “handle” him. No, not on my own.
It’s hard. For four years it has been just him and me. I have weathered the storms thus far. But it’s so hard. As an American — I don’t like to cook all the time, I don’t like to clean all the time. Neither do I like to WORK, all the time. You may think my statement generalizes American women, but trust me — I am SO above average! I know there are many women just like me, and I know there are many women that are not as good as I am, either.
We try to justify it as being modern women in a modern world, where we don’t need the protection of a man anymore. Heck, we have the same rights, we should be able to do everything he can do, and then some.
You can!
You’ll just be doing it alone.
And most of us — the single sisters that I know — don’t truly WANT to be alone.
It’s lonely.
That career, that money — it doesn’t cuddle up to us at night…
Anyway, with our religious beliefs and his cultural beliefs and all…man, I really have to learn to be a wife. A helpmate.
I must say I’m doing well. But still I slack off in some areas.
I’m tired. I’m sick. I’ve got high blood pressure and I am NOWHERE near fat. Just have a low tolerance for sodium, is all. Oh, and I have alot of stress. I worry alot, I fear (ungodly!) alot. Sometimes I need to get to bed early. Sometimes I need a nap in the middle of the day.
So, I need some help.
I won’t ask for a sister-wife. Once I broached the subject with hubby — he knows how obsessed I am with the whole idea and I suppose he knew it was only a matter of time — and he got so pleased that I just FREAKED OUT! I immediately became insecure and jealous and I was like “No! No, nevermind, I don’t want you to have anybody else! I’m sorry!” I could not believe how freaked out I became!
Maybe in a few years… I actually already have someone in mind, but I don’t want to just have us go for her. I would like to weigh our options, perhaps there’s someone better, someone that is already in the same mind frame belief-wise that we don’t have to “convert”….
I’ll pray on it. You do too, okay??
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January 16, 2008 at 5:51 am
Yehoshua
Erev Tov,
I must say, after reading the newer post, I was disappointed to read this one. Polygamy is not commanded and is not biblically based. In fact, it goes against the plan the G-d had for us since the very begining. Allow me to demonstrate:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” – Gen 1:27
So He created man and woman right from the very begining. One male and one female.
“The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”” – Gen 2:18
“A helper”, singular, not multiple.
“The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, for she was taken out of man.”” – Gen 2:23
Singular again.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” – Gen 2:24
Yeshua reaffirmed this in Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:7.
While G-d tolerated polygamy for a time, He did not command it nor intend it. In fact, if you examine those men who did have multiple wives, you will see that only the first wife (i.e. – true wife) was a blessing.
Avram and Sarai are a perfect example. Sarai was Avram’s wife but she bore no children. So Sarai had Avram marry and consumate with her servant Hagar. What happened to Hagar and her son (and Avram’s, don’t forget) Yishma’el? They were cast out and sent away. The blessed wife was Sarai and Yitz’chak, his son.
Look to the Yehudim and their culture for further evidence. Polygamy was never practiced by the Israelites. Some foreigners among them, yes. But not the Jews themselves.
Shalom,
Yehoshua
January 16, 2008 at 7:30 am
dreamgyrl360
I never said it was commanded. That is not my belief; I would never say that.
Again, let me repeat: Yahweh NEVER, EVER, spoke AGAINST polygamy.
The issue between Avram, Sarai and Hagar is that Sarai acted hastily; Yah had already told them He would give them children and did not need help in the matter. It had nothing to do with polygamy. She did not wait on Yah to do what He said He would do.
There are many Sephardi who are Yehudim and they practice polygamy. They are not foreigners.
As for 19:5 — if the husband and wife are now one flesh, then the husband and wife could take on another wife and become one flesh again. Because, according to this, 1+1=1, then 1+1+1=1 and so on and so forth.
I also have to say that The Living G-d must have more than “tolerated” such lifestyles, being that He took time to establish rules in Torah on how to govern such households. (Ex.21:10; Dt.21:15)
Another question to ask oneself: If The Living G-d is so very against it, if it is a sin, why then does the Messiah use polygamy as a model in one of his parables? (Matt.25:1-12) The Messiah and The Living G-d are against sin. Why use something that they believe is a sin in a positive light?
Shalom,
Rivka
January 16, 2008 at 7:38 am
dreamgyrl360
Shalom —
Another question, lol —
Why would The Living G-d “give” David wives? 2 Samuel 12:8…
August 18, 2014 at 10:47 am
Oya Qhoze
negropeions always say something they know nothing about what you writing is on point dreamgyl360 just keep telling what you feel because they are not doing anything for you thats facts….