I am obsessed with polygyny.

I read about it all the time. I search the internet for new polygamy blogs, sites, forums, etc. I read over and over in the Scriptures what is said about these men of God and all of their wives. Everyone around me looks at me as if I’ve totally lost my mind… perhaps I have.

Why does it intrigue me so? I don’t know. My sister believes it is because my life is so busy and so difficult, that subconciously I want someone there to help take up the slack. She could be right; she could be wrong. I am inside me so I cannot see what she sees lol.

 I look at a potential sister-wife as a built-in friend, a person I can look at as another sister, another part of me, who I can confide in and who can be there for me. I do anticipate the help that another woman could bring — someone to cook while I wash dishes and visa versa, someone to sit with the baby while I give Ari a bath. Someone to go along with me when I go grocery shopping or clothes shopping.

And that’s not all — my husband, he is a strong man. He is a smart man and he’s very…intimidating. Most of us that are still in our Western mindset cannot fathom the type of man he is. We run away from men like him, he’s scary, he’s “too smart” lol. He anticipates my next move, he knows what I’m thinking and he knows why I do or say whatever it is that I do or say. It’s frightening, to be known so well. But, when you get to know my husband, he knows everybody like that. When it comes to his trades (he’s a MASTER of all trades, lol. Not a jack lol) he knows them just as well as he knows me. He is the best at everything he does…

Which is why I, a typical, above average, American Black woman, cannot seem to “handle” him. No, not on my own.

It’s hard. For four years it has been just him and me. I have weathered the storms thus far. But it’s so hard. As an American — I don’t like to cook all the time, I don’t like to clean all the time. Neither do I like to WORK, all the time. You may think my statement generalizes American women, but trust me — I am SO above average! I know there are many women just like me, and I know there are many women that are not as good as I am, either.

We try to justify it as being modern women in a modern world, where we don’t need the protection of a man anymore. Heck, we have the same rights, we should be able to do everything he can do, and then some.

You can!

You’ll just be doing it alone.

And most of us — the single sisters that I know — don’t truly WANT to be alone.

It’s lonely.

That career, that money — it doesn’t cuddle up to us at night…

Anyway, with our religious beliefs and his cultural beliefs and all…man, I really have to learn to be a wife. A helpmate.

I must say I’m doing well. But still I slack off in some areas.

I’m tired. I’m sick. I’ve got high blood pressure and I am NOWHERE near fat. Just have a low tolerance for sodium, is all. Oh, and I have alot of stress. I worry alot, I fear (ungodly!) alot. Sometimes I need to get to bed early. Sometimes I need a nap in the middle of the day.

So, I need some help.

I won’t ask for a sister-wife. Once I broached the subject with hubby — he knows how obsessed I am with the whole idea and I suppose he knew it was only a matter of time — and he got so pleased that I just FREAKED OUT! I immediately became insecure and jealous and I was like “No! No, nevermind, I don’t want you to have anybody else! I’m sorry!” I could not believe how freaked out I became!

Maybe in a few years… I actually already have someone in mind, but I don’t want to just have us go for her. I would like to weigh our options, perhaps there’s someone better, someone that is already in the same mind frame belief-wise that we don’t have to “convert”….

 I’ll pray on it. You do too, okay??

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