The 8-month courtship and the 60-day living-together situation was not all bad. There were quite a few good times had by the three of us, living together. Those good times are what cause me to still have an inkling of hope — that yes, I CAN have a sister-wife, I AM good at it, and I CAN have a happy life in it, if everyone does what they need to do.
I like having someone to laugh with throughout the day. I like sharing errands. I like hearing him get goofy with her. I like having a third brain to pick. I like having someone who, if *I’m* not interested in what he’s about to go do, *she’s* interested, and they go. Or if he’s not interested in what one of us is about to go do, the *other* sister is interested, and she’ll accompany.
All three people can benefit from the relationship. Our relationship is good by itself. There isn’t anything missing between us. But for the right person, there’s always room for one more.
We don’t have to be alike. We don’t have to look alike, we don’t have to dress alike. We don’t have to have the same opinion. But if you are a team player, if you look at the situation and say “yes, I see where help is needed here” (like washing the dishes or grabbing the kids for a minute, or seeing that I’ve cooked 3 meals a day for 7 days already) and you just get in there and do what is needed…
That is so very do-able.
I’m not pushy. I’m not mean. I don’t need “my space” and rarely need “me time”. If I feel wronged, I say so. If I feel like I’m not getting attention from him, I’ll make it known, but it’s rare. I’ll let you be how you gone be (provided that being mean is not the mindset).
My husband has three sisters. They have their lives. Two have children. When they come to visit, they are amazing women. If I’m cooking and cleaning, they’re either participating or taking all the kids outside. They may ask to cook one night. My husband may ask them to cook (because it may be a meal they do really well and he misses it so he’ll ask).
If I’m washing dishes, they sweeping a rug. They’re supervising the children cleaning their rooms while I’ll washing this or that…
Not asking for a maid. No. I’m my own maid. But if you’re living in a place, if you feel obligated to get up and assist when you see people doing shit stuff, then hey…that’d be nice.
I like teamwork. Makes the dreamwork, aheheh.
Because, like, Cepha used to like to take the kids hiking (through some woods and stuff but majority of it has been turned into a parking lot for the mega church near our house… smh). And I didn’t care to go on those hikes. There’s mud, there’s slipping. There’s tripping, there’s mosquitos. The possibility of encountering some wild animal or feral dog/cat. Rabid raccoons or squirrels.
No thanks, lol.
But SHE would go hiking with him. She wanted to.
Great. I’d rather wash these dishes, lol. Washing dishes helps me think, and I like it.
It’s good that two people can be there for each other on things and be a team.
It’s good that three people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
It’s good that four people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
It’s good that five people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
TeamWork is good.
*sigh*
Where IS that person? (This girl didn’t care to wake up early in the morning and share a cup of coffee before he left for work. That’s okay? But THAT would be nice, too — for everyone to be up, before the kids, drinking coffee, discussing shit stuff. Making plans. Impromptu family meeting. Impromptu business meeting. It’s great.)
Alright I’m done. I’m at this store ashy today — BUT ITS EVIDENCE THAT I SHOWERED FO’ I LEFF THE HOUSE!!!
…let me put on my awesome body butter that my homeboy is making. Stop being ashy in front of folks.
It’s rude.
Peace.
10 comments
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July 19, 2014 at 11:39 am
Andre Leonard
Outstanding summary and observation on the advantages of plural relationships. There not for everyone. But for those that appreciate true family living. You have put everything is a logical and proper context.
Life is but a season. Enjoy the season.
July 20, 2014 at 10:49 am
Dr3@MGYRL360
Thank you very much for your response!
July 26, 2014 at 4:01 am
norfolkfiona
I’m just curious. You said that you’re anti polyandry or equal polygamy, while obviously all pro-polygyny. Why? All the advantages you state here are of the kind my family gets from polyandry…. Please, don’t find my question rude, I’m just wondering.
July 28, 2014 at 3:13 pm
Dr3@MGYRL360
Partially it’s because I believe in the Bible. The other reason is what I understand to be biological differences between men and women that cause polygyny to be a better dynamic for human beings than polyandry.
I would never, ever personally do it. But I have no interest in stoning those that do, lol so please know I bear you no ill will.
When it comes to salvation I concern myself with ME and MY antics, and those of my children lol.
Peace!
July 28, 2014 at 3:17 pm
norfolkfiona
Thank you for answering! I wish you all the best. And I admire how candidly you share your story.
July 30, 2014 at 4:54 pm
forgottensecretgarden
I love your respectable and tasteful tone regarding polygyny although you do not believe in the lifestyle. It just goes to show that people can tactfully disapprove of things. I am in a plural relationship and you hit the nail on the head as far as the positives. Thank you.
August 2, 2014 at 4:39 pm
Dr3@MGYRL360
Thank you — I’d like to clarify, tho, that I am pro-polygyny, I just don’t think that we will find any other wives for our family. And we aren’t really looking. We never really HAVE looked, it’s just situations that have fallen into our laps on occasion.
Thanks again!
August 28, 2014 at 12:22 am
billie Randall
My man has practices polygamy. I may be curious about living a polygamy life. The black man need to go back to the head of the household. Thank you the insightful article.
September 6, 2014 at 10:38 pm
Yehudahs eesha
Love the article. I believe in what the King has ordained but it is difficult when you were not raised this way. However YHWH has certainly dropped his spirit on me because out of nowhere I am totally for my husband having other wives….. My husband is also blown away about the change of heart. My husband gives all credit to the most High Yah!!! I see the vision and I am truly excited!!!
September 8, 2014 at 9:31 am
Dr3@MGYRL360
That’s beautiful achoti!! Ani ohev et ze/I love it! B’rachot weh shalom on you and your household!!