People look at us, still being monogamous and they wonder what’s wrong with us.
We seem to be a nice couple — a nice family, happy, doing what we need to do financially, and achieving goals and whatnot.
But since it’s still just us two, they often wonder…
Meanwhile other people — families and single women — are cycling through a series of other people, and are more often than not finding out that they aren’t compatible…and they move on to the next person or family… a version of serial-polygamy, if you will.
There are a few reasons why we’re still monogamous and not polygynous, the main one being we’re not desperate for another woman to join our family.
We are not broken. There is nothing wrong. We like each other, and we are happy. We don’t “need” anyone to come in with us to fix anything. Our children are thriving and happy and they love us and we love them.
My husband marrying another woman would simply be another tier on an already well-done and tasty cake.
Being that we don’t “need” it, we can take our time and REALLY look at people and consider of what benefit it would be for her to join our family (benefits for her and for us).
So we just take our time and try to figure it out.
It’s why we’ve only had two real life, face to face courting experiences.
Here’s what families need to understand and accept — you might not EVER find someone to join your family on a permanent basis. There are MANY reasons we could look at — our society right now frowns on polygamous relationships, people WANT to do it, but are hiding for fear of what people (friends and family, employers and coworkers, church members, whatever) are going to say. People who are born and raised in the Western world are on the whole not ready for polygyny. And why would you expect any different? All we’ve ever been shown is monogamy as the ONLY marital option (leaving those of us who aren’t into it feeling like we’re not normal). Women, if their man has another woman, have been programmed to react with jealousy, whether or not we’re fully aware of the other woman.
We are taught that a person can ONLY love one person at a time.
We are taught that a person having more than one “romantic” relationship at a time is a cheater, an adulterer, a player…a pimp.
Those of us who have abandoned what we’ve been taught have had to deprogram ourselves — and it’s not easy. It’s not the same for everyone. And not everyone’s at the same position on this path.
We know there’s a shortage of (viable, black) men when it comes to (viable, black) women. But simply put — not everyone is for this lifestyle. Not everyone’s going to do it, number one, and number two, those that are WILLING to do it are simply not equipped.
So, many of us will never find anyone.
Those of us who are desperate will find someone, then when that’s messed up, we’ll find someone else, then we’ll find another person, and another and so on and so forth — basically whoring out our entire family, trying to find the one that “fits”.
There may not be anyone that “fits”.
And you gotta be okay with that, and not open up your family to any and all kinds of women.
Be FINE with “just” you two.
Be OKAY with “just y’all”.
If she’s coming, she’s coming.
If you’re NOT fine, then trust me when I say, adding someone else to “WHATEVER” is going on over there is NOT going to make it better. It’s going to compound it, exacerbate it, irritate it, etc etc…
Don’t further break yourselves by bringing someone else in, and subsequently hurting them, as well.
(because y’all have no idea how these breakups hurt EVERYONE…)